The Cockney Canuck - 111. Chapter 111 Private Tuition

I disliked people talking about me behind my back, especially when I could hear what they were saying.

‘I wish they would go outside and talk or let me get up and go home’.

I felt okay, but the nurse insisted I lie down until Sue arrived to collect me. The school day was finished, but I would have to wait until Nicola got home to look after Amy before Sue could leave.

I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. I could easily have taken the bus home as usual; there was nothing wrong with me.

Now I would have to miss another day of school tomorrow, to go to the hospital for some tests. It seemed like I couldn’t get away from that place.

When I was finally allowed to stand up, I still felt a little dizzy and disorientated. The nurse caught on straight away, even though I tried to disguise it and act as though there was nothing wrong. She made me sit down again, which brought more scrutiny and worried looks from the principal and Walter. I was fed up of feeling unwell; I just wanted to be normal for a while. Like I used to be.

I never had any health issues as a kid. Everything was fine up until my accident on the stairs, and this was the reason they were so concerned. I could hear them discussing it in the other room and talking on the phone to a consultant at the hospital. Probably one of the doctors who initially treated me.

After a while, the grogginess cleared and I was allowed to leave with Sue. As I walked out of the nurse’s office, sitting alone in the deserted reception area was Rory. Unbeknown to me, he had been waiting patiently since the end of school, to make sure I was okay.

“I was worried about you, what happened?”

“I passed out in the principal’s office.”

“I know, but why?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow to see one of the doctors. It means another day off school. I’m gonna be so far behind, it’ll take me forever to catch up now.”

“You need to make sure you're well first before worrying about school. People don’t just pass out, Robbie. Just do what they say. I’ll help you catch up with your schoolwork.”

‘Was Rory always so sweet or have I only just noticed it. Blinded by Nathan’s bling’.

The kid had a heart of gold, and I had to stop myself from reaching out and touching him; a habit I acquired from my ex-boyfriend. Hugs were a big part of him, and I was beginning to realise how much I missed them now he was gone.

I guess it depended on the person doing the hugging. I still didn’t like Sue touching me, and even Nicola was annoying, but a hug from my friend would have made me feel so much better. Showing affection to Rory, however, wasn’t a good idea, especially on school property. Although this was more of a personal preference than protocol, and only in the interests of his own fragile reputation. Hugging a well-known gay guy in school was tantamount to an admission of one’s own guilt, and Rory was already on rocky ground. The rules were clear; I was just finding it difficult to abide by them.

I sat in the passenger seat of Don’s car talking to him for a good twenty minutes while Sue chatted with Mr Andrews outside the now deserted school. Walter wasn’t there anymore, he had most likely gone home to his partner and dog. I felt sorry for shouting at him when he was only trying to help, and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

Rory was talking excitedly about his beloved Manchester United while I watched his lips move and wondered what it would be like to kiss him. They were more pronounced than Nathan’s, and I bet they tasted nice too, but I had to keep myself focused. I wasn’t sure what a sudden rush of blood to my dick would do to me equilibrium, and I had to keep reminding myself that he was out of bounds.

“Rory, can I give you a ride home?” asked Sue.

“No, thank you, Mrs Taylor. I only live over there.” He pointed across the road in the general direction of his house. You couldn’t see it from the school, but it really was that close.

I told him I would call him the next day when I got back from the hospital, and on the way home I explained to Sue how he had been taking notes for me in class and had offered to help me to catch up with my schoolwork.

“That’s nice of him,” she said. “He’s a good friend.” I thought her comments were a little subdued. Rory wasn't just nice. He was sacrificing his free time to help me out, without me even asking him and was genuinely concerned about my well-being. I thought he deserved more praise than she was prepared to offer, and it bugged me.

I wasn’t even sure if she believed I was genuinely ill. The way she was talking, I got the impression she thought I was exaggerating, or trying to pull a fast one to get out of an awkward situation. She thought it odd that I was apparently able to make a full recovery the moment I left school. I couldn’t understand it either, but that was how it was. I wasn’t making it up. I wouldn’t have even attempted to blag something like that, and I certainly didn’t want to have to go back to the hospital for more stupid tests.

They were monotonous and inconclusive, and I didn’t even get to see my favourite nurse. It was Lorna’s day off, and I wasn’t as comfortable with the others. I was feeling okay though; not even a hint of dizziness and the tests were limited to the necessary checks and a chat with one of the doctors. I was happy when he gave me a clean bill of health, but at the back of my mind, I still knew something was wrong.

*     *     *

Back at school, the rumours about Rory and I persisted and were starting to have a detrimental effect on our friendship. I was worried about what Nathan would think to the point where I had to ask Daniel if he would surreptitiously mention to him that the allegations were false.

“But please don’t let him know I asked you to say it.”

“I’m pretty sure he won't believe the gossip anyway,” said Daniel. “And I don’t know if it would make a hell of a lot of difference one way or the other.”

“Why?”

“To be honest, I get the impression that Nathan’s not interested in getting back with you, Robbie. I may be wrong, but that’s how I see it. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not even trying to get back with him.”

It was a lie, and I would have preferred it if Daniel had lied too, but he would never mislead someone intentionally. If he was right, then this was another difficult blow for me, on top of everything else that was going wrong in my life. I tried my best to hide my disappointment and stay calm but it wasn’t easy, and I hardly said a word to anyone for the rest of the day.

With Nathan likely to shun my efforts to get back with him, I decided to put all my money on Rory instead. I desperately needed someone in my life to help steady a fast sinking ship and saw my blond friend as my best hope.

Despite his assertions that he wasn’t gay, I had seen enough evidence to make me believe he could be persuaded to steer a different course, even if only temporarily. I decided to try my own brand of conversion therapy. I figured it had to work both ways and until he started to show some interest in the opposite sex, as far as I was concerned, he was fair game.

Fran provided some useful backup the next day over lunch when she invited Rory to her family’s Halloween party the following Saturday.

“You could go with Robbie,” she said. “He knows where I live.”

My friend was non-committal, and it was evident to me why.

“Is it because of the gossip, that you don’t want to be seen with me outside of school?”

He looked a little shocked by my accusation, which told me I was right. Poor Rory was going through it bad. I felt sorry for him, but he didn’t need my sympathy. He was tougher than I thought and surprised everyone when he announced he would go.

“You know what. I don’t care what people say about me. I won't change my life or drop my friends to please those assholes. No one’s gonna tell me what to do.”

I loved this newfound assertiveness in my friend, and so did Fran.

“Way to go, Rory,” she said. “So are you gonna go.”

“I’ll have to ask my mom first,” he said quietly, but it was a big moment for him and for me. I told him what I thought on our way to class.

“It’s cool that you're going to the party. Maybe we could dress up the same, as a couple.”

“A couple?”

It was a bad choice of words. I didn’t mean to spook him. “I don’t mean like that, I mean like Laurel and Hardy or Batman and Robin. That kind of thing.”

“Oh okay, what about the Blues Brothers?”

It was an inspired choice and one which would require very little dressing up.

“Perfect, that’ll be so cool. I love you, Rory,”

“Shush, someone might hear you. They already think we’re…?”

“I’m meant as a friend. I love you as a friend, Rory.”

“I know, but that’s not what they think.” He smiled at me and pushed me away. “So if it’s okay with you, I’d rather you didn’t proclaim your undying love for me in the school corridors.”

“So where then? At your house, or we could sneak into the washrooms?”

“Stoppit, you're too much sometimes.” He was laughing when he said it though, which was like a red flag to a bull.

“You know the best way of stopping these rumours, don’t you?”

“No, but you’re gonna tell me.”

“Prove them right. Then it’s no longer gossip.”

“Very funny. And I was going to invite you over to my house after school so you can catch up on your missed lessons.” He smiled smugly at me as he opened his locker and I was forced to back down. It was unlike Rory to be so forceful, but all it did was make him even more appealing.

“Okay, I promise not to try to get your cute ass into bed and concentrate on the school work instead.”

“That’s better.”

“And I definitely won't try to give you the best orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire life.”

“Good, now you're getting it.”

‘No, Rory. I’m definitely not getting it’!

But it wasn’t through lack of trying.

*     *     *

It was a shame my golden-haired friend batted for the wrong team. He would have made the perfect partner. Apart from his looks, there were other potential benefits from this cute only child. It was less than a ten-minute walk from the school to his house, and his parents were hardly ever home before five. That left a two-and-a-half-hour window open every weekday for naughty games which he wasn’t exploiting. I considered it almost criminal for a teenager to allow such a divine opportunity to go begging, but Rory didn’t seem to have the same fascination with sex as most of the other kids I knew.

Nathan and I would have given anything for such an opportunity, and I was certain that the lack of alone time contributed significantly to the demise of our relationship. With Rory, though, it wouldn’t have been a problem. We could have made love every afternoon and even squeezed in a session at lunchtime, but I guess life is never that convenient.

Instead, we spent the entire two-and-half-hours studying and writing an essay on the importance of the Boreal shield.

“Tomorrow, we can make a start on history, if you want?” he asked as I was preparing to leave. “Then next week we do the science project together.”

Rory was genuinely excited by the prospect of working together, and I had to admit, it was much more fun learning at his house than it was at school.

I grabbed my bag, and he walked with me to the door. “How are you feeling now?” he asked. “You look a lot better.”

“I feel a lot better. It’s not so stressful here as it is in my house. Sometimes it’s too much for me, with everyone in my face all the time.” Even talking about it was starting to make me feel uneasy and my friend could sense my discomfort at having to go back.

“You can do this every day if you want,” he said. “We don’t have to study all the time. We can watch TV or play games. I’m cool with that if it helps you feel better. Plus, I get bored on my own, so you’ll be doing us both a favour.”

I understood how he felt. Being an only child had its disadvantages. I had been in his position for most of my childhood, and there were times when I would have given everything I had for some company. Now, it was the total reverse, and I was desperate for some time away from the madness. Rory’s house was the perfect therapy, and he was an excellent host. He fussed over me and set the agenda, which I liked and encouraged him to do. He was the teacher, and I wanted him to be in control. It made me feel better and somehow safer although I couldn’t explain how, or why it was so important.

As I said goodbye at the door, he put his arm around me and gave a short but firm hug. It was a welcome and unexpected surprise and something he wouldn’t dare do in school. No explanation was needed; we both knew it was a hug of friendship, but nothing more. Rory was proving a tough nut to crack, but I wasn’t about to give up on him, and I had the feeling he was enjoying the extra attention as much as I was enjoying just being around him.

*     *     *

Things were different at home, and I could feel the tension the moment I opened the door. Luke was tearing around the house on full-throttle like a kid possessed, and no one it seemed could stop him. Alex was usually the best bet in these situations, but even he was having trouble keeping his little brother in check. The house was chaotic, and it was too cold now to even sit outside. I felt crowded and trapped as I sat in my room and tried my best to block it out and relax, scared that I would start to feel ill again.

When Luke was in bed, Sue came downstairs to talk to me. She wanted to know how I was feeling, and I told her I was stressed.

“I like it at Rory’s house because it helps me to relax.”

She seemed a little uptight like she was keeping something back and I wanted to know what the problem was.

“That’s not the only reason you want to go to Rory’s house is it?”

It didn’t take much working out. If anyone was going to jump to the wrong conclusion, it was Sue. No doubt encouraged by Don, who was never entirely comfortable with my friend’s feminine side.

As much as I wanted her allegations to be true; they weren’t, and I wasn’t prepared to be persecuted for something that wasn’t going on.

“Rory isn’t gay if that’s what you're implying.”

“He does give that impression.” I resented her accusations and found it insulting and disrespectful to my friend who was doing whatever he could to try to help me. She was no better than the school gossips. No better than me.

“You're wrong! Rory’s trying to help me. He’s a good friend but not in the way you think.”

“I believe you,” she said, but I doubted if that was true. “You can’t blame me for thinking this way. You’ve seen a lot of each other recently, ever since you stopped seeing Nathan.”

“So you think I swapped Nathan for Rory, is that it? I don’t believe you.” I scrapped back my chair and paced the room in frustration, desperately trying to curb my anger.

“That’s not what I said, Robbie. But it seems to be what most people in the school think.”

She must have sensed she was pushing me too far and left me struggling to control my temper. I was scared of having to face Mr Symmonds again, but most of all, frightened by the prospect of being ill. I could almost feel it coming on when I got worked up, and it terrified me. It was only a matter of time before I was back in the hospital. It was inevitable.

After my head injury, everyone was quick to tell me how lucky I had been. How easily I could have died. Now I was starting to think the opposite. Maybe I wasn’t going to be so fortunate after all.

Despite Sue’s groundless allegations, I was determined to take up Rory’s kind offer of sanctuary and the following week, I spent every day after school at his house. We got through a lot of schoolwork, and I was even praised by my history teacher for the extra effort I put in. It was easy; I enjoyed the subject and learning was fun with the right partner and the right environment.

His house was always warm and spotlessly clean. It appealed to my orderly nature. Everything was put away and tidy. It was something else which helped me to relax, and I knew it was doing me good.

On Wednesday, with Fran’s party looming, I asked my adopted parents if I could go to her Halloween party at the weekend. I didn’t think it would be a problem. They always thought highly of Fran, and I conveniently forgot to mention I was going with Rory. There was a palpable difference in their attitude.

“Are you two still friends then,” asked Sue.

“Yes, we’ve seen a lot of each other, lately.”

Sue wasn’t quite sure what to think. She must have known I was playing with her, but she still fell for it.

“I suppose it’s okay,” she said. “As long as you're feeling alright and you're back at a reasonable time, dear.”

My interpretation of reasonable time was much different from Sue’s, so I took this to mean come home anytime I want. It was a clear relaxation of the rules and no more than I expected. I probably could have stayed out all night as long as I was with a girl. Don didn’t say too much, but he looked smug as he walked past. I was sure he must have thought we were getting back together and I couldn’t help wondering how my life would change if this were true.

It would have been so easy to do. Fran had moved on, but there were other girls who I knew I could have dated if I chose. I only had to ask one of them, and everything would be fixed in my life. No more problems, no more arguments, no more counsellors. I would be accepted. Don would be proud of me.

I don’t know why this was still important, but I thought it was a sad indictment of my new family that I should be forced to even contemplate betraying my sexuality to feel wanted. These were people who had sworn to treat me the same as their own children, without prejudice. It was total bullshit!

Don was still on his religious kick, and I was surprised to learn from Nicola that he had agreed to host a bible study in the house the following week. There was something very odd about these people, and I wasn’t comfortable with the prospect of them being in the house, especially after what Walter had told me.

Nicola wasn’t exactly overjoyed with it either, and I could sense a lot of tension between her and her dad. As far as Don was concerned, he was acting for the good of the family by trying to bring us all together. A close and loving family seemed to be the common theme. It was the core ingredient and the key to happiness and eternal life, but only if you played by the rules. His argument was very persuasive, but the man who could sell sand to the Arabs was having limited success when it came to peddling his new found ideology to a family of non-believers.

*     *     *

Friday was cold and wet, but while everyone in school had long faces, I was in a good mood. Rory had found a store in town that sold the hats we needed for our somewhat miserly fancy dress, and I agreed to go with him on Saturday to pick them up.

We were now seeing him with the same regularity as I did Nathan and I had a good feeling about our relationship. I was sure things were going to work out the way I wanted.

Everything was going swell up until lunchtime when Fran decided to let me in on what I suspected was the real reason why she invited me to her party.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” she said. “He’ll be there tomorrow.”

I could almost tell by her expression where this was leading, and David’s eager smile and raised eyebrows seemed to confirm my suspicions. I tried to ignore them in favour of an unhealthy looking slice of meatloaf.

“He’s new around here,” said David.

“And he’s gay,” added Fran.

I stopped chewing to look at them one at a time, trying my best to convey my dissatisfaction.

‘Do I really look that desperate’?

“So?”

“I just thought you may wanna meet a hot-looking, single, gay guy, that’s all.”

I rolled my eyes. “What made you think that?”

“I dunno, you're on your own.”

“Maybe I wanna be on my own.”

“He’s the same age as you,” said David.

“And he’s adorable.”

“I don’t care how cute he is!” I was starting to attract attention from the adjacent tables and had to lower my voice. “I don’t need people trying to find me a date, okay? I can do it myself.”

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear at a time when it looked as if I was making real progress with Rory and I wondered if she had forgotten I was going to the party with him. When I looked at my friend for backup, he averted his eyes nervously. I could read him like a book.

‘It’s a conspiracy’.

“You knew about this too, didn’t you?”

“They're only trying to help, Robbie.”

“He wants to meet you,” said Fran. “He doesn’t know anyone in Cobourg.”

“How does he know you then?”

“I know his sister. She’s coming to the party too.”

“No way. No, no, no. I’m not going on some blind date.”

“You’ll be sorry. He’s hot.”

“I don’t care,” I said stabbing the remains of my meatloaf. “And this is truly disgusting.” I was annoyed at Fran and disappointed in Rory for betraying me at a time when I thought he liked me. “Exactly how hot is this guy?”

“Red-hot!” said Fran.

“I don’t believe you. There are no red-hot, gay boys in Cobourg. Not even any nice-looking ones.” I sneered at her and shovelled the last of the sorry meatloaf into my mouth.

“You're right,” she said. “I don’t know of any.”

I narrowed my eyes at her in frustration as she got up to leave.

‘I walked right into that one’.

Fran looked over her shoulder, and David dutifully fell into line. “He’s not from Cobourg,” he said as he left. “He’s from outta town, and his sister knows you.”

I was confused and frustrated. As much as I wouldn’t mind meeting a red-hot, teenage, gay boy, from out of town, who had nothing to do. I didn’t like the thought of going on a blind date, especially one arranged by my ex-girlfriend.

None of this would have mattered if I could have persuaded the delectable blond sitting next to me to dip his toe into the warm and fertile waters of male sexual liberation. At one point, I was sure that was all it would need for him to want to take the plunge and immerse himself in my love, but now I had to think again.

*     *     *

Rory had seemed a little distracted all day. He wasn’t his usual self. Like he had something on his mind but was frightened of telling me. I waited until we got to his house for our regular study period, before questioning him. I was still dreaming of going to Fran’s party as a real couple and wanted to know if my conversion therapy had any effect.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

He looked up from his history book and smiled sweetly, throwing me off guard. “Go ahead.” I wasn’t expecting him to be so accommodating. He usually squirmed uncomfortably whenever I veered towards this type of conversation.

“Are you sure, it’s fairly personal?”

“Go ahead, dork.”

I liked it when he called me names. He needed to do it more often.

“You never talk about girls or sex. Is it just because you're embarrassed or not interested?”

He sighed and shook his head as though he was expecting my question.

“I am interested in girls. But I have nothing to talk about. I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”

“To be honest, you're not missing a lot.”

“You would say that,” he chuckled.

“I’m only being honest, Rory. You're probably better jerking off. It’s a lot less hassle. You do jerk off, don’t you? Sorry I don’t mean to be rude.”

“Yes you do,” he smirked. I tried to read his expression, but I was guessing and had no choice but to keep winging it and hope for the best.

“I’m not trying to get into your pants, Rory,” I said, but he wasn’t falling for my denial. “Well, okay I am, but hey, it’s not every day your best friend offers you sex.”

“Only because I don’t see you every day.” He had a good point, and I thought maybe I should drop the subject before I started to look desperate if I wasn’t already.

Then he did something totally out of character which completely bamboozled me, sending me in a spin.

It looked as if he was getting something from the fridge when he stood up and walked behind me, but instead, he leaned over the back of my chair and put his arms around my neck. It was quite possibly the sweetest, warmest, and most comforting hug I had ever experienced from anyone. I closed my eyes and melted into his arms only for him to ruin the moment by telling me something I didn’t want to hear.

“I’m sorry, Robbie. I know how much you like me, and I like you too. Really I do. Just in a different way that’s all. I wanna be your friend, but I’m just not attracted to boys. I’ve tried, and I even think you're cute. I definitely have feelings for you, but more as a friend than what you're looking for. I’ve thought a lot about it, but I don’t think I can do the stuff that you wanna do. Does that make sense?”

It made perfect sense, in fact, for someone with hardly any experience of sex or relationships, Rory seemed to have a better understanding of his own feelings than most people, including myself. It was hard not to be impressed by his words, and I was finding it difficult to speak. Partly because he was still smothering me with his arms, but mostly because I was choking up.

He gave me a quick squeeze and let me go. My world got a little lonelier, but I was pretty sure Rory would be my friend for life, however long that would be.

I suppose I was the naïve one, not him. He was completely in tune with his sexuality and not scared of discussing his feelings for a friend who he knew had been trying to seduce him. He had even confessed that he had been thinking about it, and I suspected there wasn’t much in it in the end, but he had made his decision, and now I needed to respect his choice in the same way he respected mine.

It probably wouldn’t be the last time I was rejected by a boy, but I doubted if anyone could have done it so beautifully or with such heartfelt honesty as my friend, Rory.

“It’s not your fault. I was stupid. You told me when I first came out to you that you were straight. I don’t know why I thought you would suddenly change your mind.”

“If I were gay or even bi-sexual, I would have dated you, for sure,” he said. “It would have been easier to say yes to you, than no. But you deserve someone who wants you for who you are and not because they feel sorry for you.”

He made me feel bad, but everything he said was right. I just wished Sue had been listening.

“Are you still gonna go to the party with me?”

“Of course, we’re supposed to be the Blues Brothers aren’t we?” He winked at me as he flipped the history book closed. “That’s enough schoolwork for today. We can go into my room and play some games until my parents get home.”

“You are so lucky you didn’t say that before our little talk.”

‘I’d have had him pinned to the bed by now’.

I followed him into his bedroom where he had the PlayStation already set up with the latest FIFA game.

“Oh, and by the way. I do jerk off. Of course, I do, but I normally do it thinking about girls.”

‘Damn straight guys’!

“It’s okay I won't tell anyone.”

“You don’t hate me.”

“No, of course not.”

“But you're disappointed.”

“Yes.”

“We’re still friends though.”

“Yes, still friends.”

“Good, because I wanna be your best friend. Just like Tom was in England.”

I turned to him nodded and smiled.

‘He obviously never heard about Tom’.