18 Weeks of Twoey - 57. Week Nine Monday, October 27, 2014: Hurt

“Et tu, Brute?”

JC -WS

***

I was sorta looking forward to today! Hey ...sorta! Take it easy on me. I hadn't been able to say it in quite a while! My very best friend was running alongside me. The difficulty with Tommy’s mother seemed to have some promise - finally. Putin was gonna give me some sort of victory. I was to meet with Dr. Keating this afternoon and thought we would actually start talking about my aggression, which made me kinda laugh because ...me, aggressive? Quite a joke, really. But with this other shit out of the way, I thought I could finally figure out what was wrong. I was betting it would end up simply being I'm 15 years old and that's what we do!

But I was wrong.

Horribly wrong.

About all of it.

I discovered I was betrayed by my best friend.

I discovered Enos’s David-Phase-2 had already begun.

Even Dr. Keating’s session took a turn I hadn’t anticipated.

Repeat. I discovered I was betrayed by my best friend!

All this happened later. Let me recap the day as it slowly bled out.

***

I was thinking about the visual I saw in my healing place ...the one with me at the center of the 'Y' and Twoey, Mike and Gary at the vertices. The red weak bond between Gary and Mike wasn't going to happen if they didn't meet.

“Gary, how would you like to meet Twoey's friend Mike?”

“The asshole from Syracuse?”

“The guy who used to be the asshole from Syracuse ...yeah.”

“You want me to punch him out for ya?”

“Jesus Gary ...let up! I want you to meet him. Maybe you guys could become friends ...a little”

“Unlikely.”

“Would you at least meet him before you decide you don't like him? ...for me?” And then I whined, “Pleeease?”

That cracked him up. But then he got serious. “He did such a shitty thing. That's always gonna be in the back of my mind.”

“Hey ...we all make mistakes! Even me! He knows he did, and he knows how shitty it was. Even Twoey forgave him. You can at least meet the dude and make your own decision.”

“I guess. When's he gonna be down here again?”

“I don't know. Anyway, we're not gonna meet him here. We're gonna meet him in Syracuse, without Twoey around. And I don't know when. I haven't even contacted him yet.”

“Why not?”

“Cuz I don't know his number. I don't even know his fucking name ...just Mike! But I'm gonna get it all taken care of. I'll hafta figure out how to get us a ride there too. Maybe we’ll take the bus.”

“What's going on in that mixed up head of yours David?”

“You gotta help me with this Gary! Really!”

“OK. Just let me know a little ahead of time so I don't have to break a date with Mel ...got it?”

“Sure ...and thanks buddy.”

That was the beginning of my plan to build a 'weak' bond between Gary and Mike. But I had some research to do first.

I got my 'naked' call from Twoey this morning as I was walking out of the shower. “So when are you coming over after school? Are you sure you won't sext me? I'm sorry. I'm so horny right now!”

I laughed and told him I had a 3:15 appointment with Dr. Keating, so I probably wouldn't get there until about 4:30.

“Noooo ...I don't know if I can wait that long!” But he was laughing too.

I filled my bowl with cereal and fruit and poured in the milk just as she walked into the kitchen. I started eating, but steeled myself for whatever her evil plan was today.

“Have you ever thought about Bible study?”

I chewed some more, “Can't say as I have.” Tommy rubbed his socked foot against my leg.

“Well David, you know Pastor Johnson is starting a Bible study aimed specifically at teens and their troubles.”

Chew. “Is that so?”

“Yes! You know that most of teenagers’ problems can be solved if they apply the teachings of the Holy Book to their lives!”

Chew. “You don't say."

“The first meeting is this Wednesday night at 7. Would you like to attend?”

“I don’t think I have any troubles.”

“You’re the one who wanted to see a psychiatrist!”

“You’re the one who wouldn’t let me.”

“This will be much better for you. Will you go?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Why are you acting like this? You're being so hostile!”

“I'm not being hostile. I just need to know my choices before I give you an answer. How is that hostile?” Tommy rubbed my leg again. I think he was trying to calm me down, but I was really, really calm ...hehe.

I was finishing my cereal when she just blustered out, “Oh you're impossible! You're so mean!”

So I left to meet the gang for our walk to school. I thought that worked out pretty well. If she told me I had to go, I would have gone. I guarantee nobody at the Bible study would have appreciated me being there, but I would have gone. If she asked me to go, I would have said no, I don't want to go. But she didn't do either. What she wanted was an argument, and I didn't give it to her.

This Round: David-1 Tommy’s mother -0.

Sam motioned, so I went back to walk with him. “What did Tommy say to Mark?”

I started chuckling. “He told him if he didn't keep his hands off me, he was gonna wrap the putter around his neck! The poor kid stayed away from me the rest of the day ...didn't even sit anywhere near me during the football game!”

Sam cracked up. “Well he was a little all-over you.”

“Nah ...it's just a family thing, I think. His brother Matty's the same way.”

Sam smiled and said, “Yeah ...I noticed.”

In math class, Terri was smiling again. I guess Ron must be sharing himself with her more now football is over. I asked Mr. Elcher if there was anything he wanted Twoey to do, as I was tutoring him now. He said to hand in the homework as he finished them, and he'd think of some way to test him.

At lunch I talked with Erik about setting up a schedule for after school tutoring. I also talked to Matty. “Hey, I like your little brother. He’s a neat kid. Would you apologize for me about what my brother Tommy told him?”

“What did your brother say?”

I laughed, “Can you believe, Tommy thought he was hitting on me! I know it was just his way of being friendly and I felt bad he actually kept away from me the rest of the day.” Matty laughed at it too.

That was the conclusion of my happy day.

Near the end of lunch, Gary motioned me to come over. When I sat down next to him, my friend had a strange look on his face. “Can you meet me and Mel at Tim’s after school?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment after school.”

“How about after that.”

“I’m tutoring Twoey, but it can wait if it’s important.”

“It’s important.”

“How’s 4:30?”

“We’ll be there!”

That was strange. I tried to figure out why Gary would want a meeting simply to talk.

I left for the nurse’s office. The results of the Nazi Nurse weigh-in: I have now officially gained half my weight back. Ten more pounds to go. She actually raised her voice at me! She threatened to send me to a doctor if I didn’t gain any faster. What’s wrong with her? Is she crazy? Anyway, now I don't leave breakfast in a huff anymore and have Ginny feeding me supper, the last ten pounds should be easy to do.

Social seemed unusually nontoxic, until I was leaving. Burch kept me back a moment by holding my shoulder.

“You need to pray for your sins. Bible Study will let you see the error of your ways.”

“Is it even legal for you to accost me with this religious stuff?” I gave him my best pissed-off look.

I don’t know if it worked, but he let me go right away. Maybe I’ll need to strap a recorder to my body in the future. This guy is so moving into the red zone with me. I should probably bring him up with Putin. It’s David-Phase-2 for sure. They want to get their hands on me with this Bible Study crap.

PhysEd: Rings …are not as nasty for me as parallel bars, but your upper body needs to be pretty strong. At least all the weight room work I've been doing is paying off for something. I was nearly the best guy in the class for the beginning stuff Cyrnn had us doing! Pretty grim when gym is the highlight of your day.

I made it to Dr. Keating's office at 3:05, so I had to wait for about ten minutes. I meditated a bit to relax me. By this time I needed a shitload full of relaxing. If I only knew what was yet to come. Finally they called me in.

“Things are going a little better at home. I decided not to fight with my mother if she asked me to do stuff, even if I prefer not to. But I’ll also refuse to do anything I think conflicts with who I am. I won't argue or fight, but I’ll just refuse.” I thought I’d throw out Putin’s advice to get his take on it.

“Can you give me an example?”

“Sure. She told me I couldn't be friends with Twoey, who she calls evil. It violates who I am and so I refused, but didn't argue.” Then I told him about the Bible Study stunt she pulled this morning and said I would have gone if she said I had to and refused if she asked me to go. But since she didn't do either and still got upset, I figured she was just looking for a fight, which I refused to get into with her. He didn't say anything one way or another, but at least he knows how I'm gonna handle that shit now. I think I have more faith in Putin than Keating for this battle anyway ...hehe.

“Now tell me all about Twoey and what your feelings are.” That question sort of caught me off guard. I thought we were going to do aggression today!

I explained everything about the first day I met him, running home, my subsequent worries and plans. I told him how Twoey destroyed each of my plans by simply looking at me. I confessed my own revelation of love when he was in the hospital. I even included Sunday's meeting with Mike and the dollar stuff. Of course I didn't tell him anything about the healing place, the meeting in heaven (Twoey's interpretation), Derek Jeter, or any of the other meditation stuff.

“Do you think you love him?”

“Yes. Definitely. As much as I know what love is. After all, I’m only15. But I think about him all the time and worry about anything wrong in his life and try to make it better. If that's what love is then ...yeah, I got it bad.”

“You say you're not gay, and at first, you were worried about being gay.”

“Yeah ...it really bothered me at first, but as I thought about it more I realized I have no attraction to other boys, other than friendship. But I also haven't developed any romantic attraction to girls yet, even though I've had a girlfriend ...and that felt kinda weird. But when I kiss Twoey, it's a whole nother thing. And I usually end up running away because I feel myself losing control. I have to stay in control of my life.”

“Explain about staying in control.”

I pretty much laid it all out. How uncomfortable I feel when I can’t anticipate events and prepare how to confront them. I ended up saying, “I need to walk through the woods on a path, not ducking around trees and bushes.”

“Does kissing Twoey make you feel you’re not in control?”

“Dr. Keating, simply looking into Twoey’s eyes makes me lose control. It’s happened from the first moment I ever did it.”

“Do you have any idea how you’re going to address this?”

“Yesterday I concluded that my problems aren’t fair to Twoey. If I really love him, I have to let him go, so he can form a relationship with a boy who's also gay. I’m just an impediment.”

“Does Twoey love you?”

“He says he does. In reality, I’m pretty certain he does.”

“Have you explained this to Twoey?”

“Not yet. I might need to think it over a little more, but pretty soon.”

“How do you think Twoey’s going to feel.”

“He’s going to feel upset and hurt. So am I. But, you know, sometimes the medicine doesn’t taste so good, even if it fixes you up.”

“To be honest, even though we’re here to talk about you, I’m worried about Twoey. Are you?”

“Yes. I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe think about it a little longer? See what unfolds? Think about who you are and how you feel? Wait at least until after next Monday’s session?”

“You’re probably right.”

Our time was up and he said we were making progress. (!?!) Anyway, the next session is scheduled for Monday unless I have a crisis, then I'm supposed to contact him at once. I wonder what kind he expects: a Twoey crisis or a mother crisis? Well, I don't anticipate any crises.

After my session I went right to Timmy’s and spotted Mel at a corner table. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat across from her. “When’s Gary showing up?”

“He’s not.”

“Pardon?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Oookaay, shoot.”

“I owe you a huge apology.”

“For?”

“Kathy.”

“Why do you have to apologize for Kathy?”

“The whole thing was Kathy’s idea. She convinced her brother to have you help her recover from the breakup. At the same time, she convinced me to sort of help you and her get together. I didn’t know anything about the plan with her brother. She only told me you were flirting with her, but were too shy to make a move. I convinced Gary, over his objections, to push everything along. When you were suspended, it gave us a perfect opportunity. Even Nels joined in. But now I found out it was all a sham. Kathy only wanted to make Cal jealous, so he would become more faithful. You have to believe me David, I would never have done anything if I suspected her motives. I really thought she was trying to get together with you!”

“Why isn’t Gary here?”

“He said since it was my idea, I needed to apologize. I sort of agree with him. By the way, he’s beyond embarrassed.”

“I guess we were all used, huh?”

“Do you hate me?”

“Have you learned a lesson to never interfere with someone else’s life again?”

“You can’t believe how terrible I feel.”

“Are we finished?”

“I think so.”

“OK, good-bye Mel.”

I got up and left without looking at her anymore. I lost all my respect for Mel. Worse, I felt betrayed by my best friend.

I immediately left for Twoey's house. The more I walked, them more upset I got. Gary did this to me. He forced me into the worst two months of my life. All the confusion, the upset, the unease with Kathy. My best friend did it.

He stabbed me in the back. No, he put his knife through my heart!

I walked into Twoey’s room and gently kissed him hello. What will this best friend do to me? What will I do to him? Who will be the betrayer in our relationship. I began to get physically ill.

The doctor said to wait. He’s right. Don’t do anything yet. Don’t cast the die yet.

I whispered, “A hello and goodbye kiss is all I can handle for a while, I hope you understand.”

“I don't like it, but I do understand. Those two little kisses every day are gonna have to keep me going until you figured out where you are.”

He was only half-smiling. He’s going to be hurt badly if I decide to let him go. But is it fair to have him cling to an impossible dream? You know, I really haven’t worked this out yet ...at all!

“How did your day with Mike turn out?”

“Oh, so much better than I ever expected. Thanks for re-booting our meeting into a better direction when you were here. Up to then, things were a little strained between us.”

It made me happy. I needed a little ‘happy’ after what Mel told me. I began to do a little research.

“You've never told me about your life in Syracuse. Like where did you live?”

“Oh, just a little area in town called Eastside. I lived right across from a park on Ostrom Ave. It was nice living there ...until the end.”

“How about Mike? He must have lived nearby, right?”

“Oh yeah, he lived about a block away, on the same street.”

“Hey, I don't even know Mike's last name!”

“Oh ...hehe, it's Schulz, with a c and no t.”

“So have you guys made plans for Mike to come back down here?”

“No, not yet.”

We went on to do some math and I gave him the list of homework. “Do them as we go along and I'll give them to Elcher when I go to class. He's still working on a way to test you for this old stuff. Erik and I will work out a schedule for you.”

Since we started late, Ginny said she'd do the cooking today, so I didn't get a kitchen lesson, but I did get a surprise. On my plate was a little baby chicken, or so I thought. I looked at it in horror, then up at Ginny with bewilderment.

I gasped. “A baby? You’re feeding me a BABY?”

Both Ginny and Twoey were laughing???

Then Ginny explained it was a breed of bird called a Rock Cornish Game Hen and is a cross of other breeds of small chickens. It’s just big enough for a serving so it looks real interesting on the plate. My plate had half the hen on a bed of rice containing some kind of Italian bacon called pancetta. Ginny told me the rice was cooked inside the bird like stuffing in a turkey. Whatever it was, it was delicious and had a touch of licoricey flavor. Ginny said it was made with a French liquor called Pernod, which is where the licoricey flavor comes from, I guess. It was served on perfectly cooked carrots. Absolutely magnificent. Probably a little above my cooking level though.

She even gave me a quick wine lesson as she poured out a glass of white wine a little yellower than the other ones she usually drinks. She said it was from France and was called Pouilly-Fuisse, which is really, really hard to pronounce without getting your tongue trapped in your lips! Anyway, she said it was perfect for this meal because its weight and complexity held up to the Pernod in the hen. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she seemed to know what she meant. Anyway the meal was delicious, even with milk, which has weight but no complexity ...hehe.

I had lots of stuff to do at home, so I helped Ginny clean up and gave Twoey a soft goodbye kiss right in front of her. Then I beat it out of there!

At home, I opened my laptop and checked the picture file, but still just pictures of me! So I deleted them all and then did some serious Googling. I found Eastside with Google Maps. Then I found Marshall Square Mall right smack in the middle of that area, actually pretty close to Ostrom Ave. It's also close to Syracuse U. I did a white-pages search for 'Schulz' and found only one on Ostrom ...also only one 'Messer' on that same street. So now I had an address and land line number for Mike! I also did a street view from Google Maps and saw Twoey's old house (taken while he was still in it, I'm sure) and then I just 'drove' down the street to Mike's house. Damn, this was fun!!!

I called the land line and a woman answered.

“Is Mike there?”

“Which one?” Ah... his father must also be a Mike!

But then she laughed. “By your voice I assumes you want my son.”

So after a bit there was a tentative, “Hi?”

“Hey Mike, this is David Megal, Twoey's friend. I met you yesterday.”

“Oh Hi David! Um ...I really want to thank you for how you handled that whole situation ...I mean, we were having trouble re-connecting until you came over and then we became just like old times, and I know you really helped us a lot with that. Sooo ...why are you calling?”

“Thanks Mike, that's nice of you. Um ...would you be comfortable giving me your cell number? I need to talk to you about some things and you probably want to be in your room or at least a less public place than your living room.”

He chuckled, “Actually I'm in the kitchen, but I get what you mean, and sure ...hey, why don't I just go to my room and call you and then you'll have it. I've got your number on caller ID right now.”

So a minute later my phone chirped and I was talking with Mike again. “OK, well first I think I know what the issue was which caused you to act like you did with Twoey. He never told me exactly, but I've sort of pieced this all out and I won't even say the word until he tells me. I want you to know I know what was going through your mind and it didn't have anything to do with suddenly not liking your friend, but it was what people might infer about you if he ever became public. Look Mike, I've gone through some of the same shit, so I understand.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn't have acted like I did. I really hurt him, David.”

Before I continued, I had to purge my mind of two things. I was going to hurt Twoey. My best friend hurt me.

“Yes you did, but it's all behind you guys now. The reason I'm calling is for the next step. I've got a friend who is to me what you and Twoey are with each other. We go back a long way. I know you live about 50 miles away, but I think it'll be good for Twoey, and also for your relationship with him, if the four of us were sort of friends. I'm not saying that you and my buddy Gary have to become tight friends, but I think you two should sorta know each other and a little about each other. In the future, like sometime next summer, maybe the four of us can hang out and do some shit. What do you think?”

“Yeah ...I sort of like the idea, David.”

“Great, well we have to get together. Gary and I can shoot up to Syracuse to meet you. I've gotta go back and forth between you guys because I don't know when you're free and he's pretty serious with a girl, so we can't mess with their schedule either. Let's start out picking a day and then I'll check with him and back with you and so on until I'm dizzy.” He laughed at that.

So I continued. “How about this Saturday at the Marshall Square Mall? Are you available at all that day?”

“Yeah, I'm OK until about 5. I have a date Saturday night.”

“Your girlfriend?”

He laughed a little. “Well I'm hoping. If everything goes well Saturday, maybe sooner rather than later.”

“Great! Well good luck with that. I'll get back to you after I check with Gary, but he and Mel, that's his girl, probably only have plans in the evening too. Let me check and I'll get right back to ya.”

I couldn’t talk with Gary right now. I needed to process everything before that step. So I chose to text him instead.

Gary was OK with meeting Mike at about 10. I got a bus schedule online and found one leaving at 9, and one of the stops is right at Marshall Square Mall. Fantastic! So I called Mike and we're set to meet him at around 10, when the bus arrived. He told me there's a big fountain in the mall near the bus stop, and he'd be waiting there for us.

I spent the rest of the night on my homework and also had a visit from Tommy, when I lovingly told him I can take care of myself when it comes to touchy-feely 13 year olds. But it was all good.

After a tiring and emotionally convoluted day, I was finally ready for bed and decided this time I would be the one to initiate the goodnight call. So I did. “Are you naked?”

He giggled. “No, got my boxers on, but I'm in bed.”

“Aw ...you should sleep nude!” More laughing. “I'll bet it's great to be in your own bed after all those nights in the hospital bed.”

“Yeah ...for sure. The only thing better would be for you to be in here with me.”

“Not if you don't sleep nude.”

Then there was a rustling sound and “OK come over, I'm ready!”

“Goodnight Twoey.”

“Goodnight Angel ...I love you.”

I disconnected and then said, “I love you too. You just don’t realize how much.”

Mike

All through school today I kept thinking of that David kid. I simply couldn't believe anybody could do what he did for us. And it was all so perfect and easy for him. Like a natural thing he did every day. No wonder Twoey is crazy about him. And my best bud can't fool me! He's totally in love with David.

It has to be like so hard for him if David is straight! But he kissed Twoey, right in front of me! It was like the most normal thing for him to do. It wasn't a show-off kiss, or done for my benefit. I could tell! It was just a loving kiss.

I was trying to explain all this to my mom, while we were sitting here after dinner. Dad had gone into the living room and was watching TV and I was trying to describe the strange encounter. It was sort of hard to walk around the gay thing. I didn't want to out Twoey without his permission. But I told her we had a fight and I was stupid and didn't make up and that I was stupider and gave him his dollar back the day he moved. Then I told her how it just kept gnawing at me until I couldn't take it anymore, especially when I found out he might die. The guilt of him dying with what I had done still in his brain had really freaked me out. I explained, when I found out he was going to live, I had written him a very sincere note in a get-well card. I told her Twoey had called me and we sort of made up but then he told me he gave the friendship dollar to this David kid.

“I was REPLACED and it really was eating at me. I didn't blame Twoey, I was just so angry at myself! So when he got home I decided to bus down to see him the very next day. And it wasn't really comfortable, Mom. What I had done was heavy in the air around us. I couldn't be the same with him anymore, and he was having trouble too. Then David came over and we were introduced. Mom, you won't believe this. I can hardly believe it. But he gives me the dollar back and puts it right over my heart and tells me to always listen to my heart and not my head. He takes another dollar and rips it and gives half to Twoey telling him the new dollar is for their friendship because the old dollar was for brothers. Mom, he made me cry.”

Just then the house phone rang and mom answered it and started smiling at me. After some conversation she handed me the phone. It was this David kid! He said get to a private place. So I went to my room and called him on my cell. He said he and his buddy, Gary I think he said his name was, were coming up to the mall so I could meet his best bud. He wants us to be friends. So we're meeting Saturday. That's just amazing. This kid is amazing!!