The Cockney Canuck - 117. Chapter 117 The Happy Clappers

For once I agreed with Sue. She thought I would have been better off staying in the hospital and she had a point. Forty-eight hours of intensive tests had achieved little other than tear a hole in their budget, so the doctors decided to claw some of it back by sending me home. They were the same doctors who had earlier insisted I couldn’t be left on my own, so Sue had to take time off work to watch me. I got a full-time personal nurse, and the hospital was forced to hire temps at twice the cost.

I would have found the whole thing highly amusing if I hadn’t been so depressed, but this ridiculous display of self-defeatism did little to sure up my flagging confidence in the Canadian health system.

While my malfunctioning brain was baffling the medical fraternity, I returned home to a house in turmoil and a family on the brink of self-destruction. It would have been easy for me to blame everything on Alex, but other important factors were contributing to the steady decline of the family home. Most notably, the constant influx of strangers invited into the house by Don. The happy clappers, as Nicola branded them, were members of his church, and they turned up at all hours under the guise of Bible studies and important meetings about events that occurred thousands of years ago. They were strange people with condescending smiles and outdated, Miss Marple type, frumpy clothing.

On Thursday night there were half a dozen of these sanctimonious visitors including two strange-looking teenage girls who took a liking to Daniel and followed him around the house like he was the Pied Piper. It was mildly amusing, but understandably, Sue was at the end of her tether. Later that night I heard her arguing with Don and the following evening he didn’t come home from work.

I never fully understood Sue, but it was clear to me who was to blame for the bad atmosphere and their increasingly rocky marriage. Don’s catastrophic attempt to bolster family unity with Christian values more akin to the dark ages had backfired spectacularly.

I wondered what he saw in those stale old farts. They were hardly the type of people you’d expect a high flying advertising executive to be rubbing shoulders with. Whatever it was, they seemed to have a tight grip on his goolies, but he was on his own. The rest of the family had aligned themselves firmly behind Sue in her battle of wits against the people she now referred to as the cult.

It wasn’t my problem. I cared little about Don and every day I didn’t see him was an added bonus. I was more concerned about Alex. We hadn’t spoken a word to each other since my return from the hospital, but I could tell he was itching to break the silence. Maybe he wanted to thank me for not reporting him, or accidentally blowing his cover, but I no longer had any desire to see him punished. He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it himself.

I tried to avoid him, and at first, it was easy. He was at school during the day and spent the evenings at his friend’s house, returning just before bedtime. It was a routine that was sure to rattle Sue, and she questioned me about it as she forced me out of bed on Friday morning.

“Where does Alex go after school?”

I rolled onto my side and groaned. “How do I know? Leave me alone I’m not well. The doctors said I had to rest.”

She opened the blinds allowing some rare sunlight into the room, and I covered my face.

“You can rest upstairs. Does he still have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

“He’s supposed to be your friend. You were the one who wanted us to help him.”

I growled and sat up in bed to glare at Sue as she picked Daniel’s clothing off the floor. I was tired and miserable, but I only had to exchange my bed for the living room couch. I didn’t even bother to get dressed, preferring my pyjamas and a soft blanket to keep me warm while I watched TV and Sue played nurse.

“How do you feel?”

“The same as when you last asked me half-an-hour ago.”

“You're not dizzy.”

“If I were dizzy you’d be able to tell.”

She studied my face for a few seconds, but her encyclopedic knowledge of nursing betrayed her.

“How?”

“I fall over.”

“It’s not funny, Robbie. That’s precisely what we’re trying to avoid.”

I wasn’t sure if I would have been able to hurt myself if I fell from the couch onto the rug that she had positioned next to it, but every so often she would check to see if I was okay.

When she called out to me after lunch, she got no reply.

I heard her walk-in and held my breath as she went into panic mode. I was lying on the floor eyes open and staring into space while trying not to laugh. She thought I was dead, and I nearly was when she recovered from the shock.

“Don’t ever do that again. Do you hear me? It’s not a joke. You scared the life outta me.”

I thought it was hilarious.

“I’m just preparing you for the real thing,” I said. “Think of it a dress rehearsal.”

I was still chuckling to myself about it an hour later while Sue talked on the phone to Mr Andrews.

“Rory’s coming here after school,” she told me later. “He’s going to bring you some schoolwork. Mr Andrews has suggested using a home tutor for a while….”

I cut her off. “What’s the point in trying to catch up? Why should I even bother with schoolwork?”

“Because you're gonna need to graduate, dear. It’s important.”

“I won't be graduating. We both know that. Why don’t you just tell me the truth? I don’t care anymore; I’d rather know what’s going on.”

Sue looked baffled. She sat down next to me and held my hand.

“Honey, I know about as much as you do, and as much as any of the doctors. It’s not a conspiracy. We’re not hiding anything from you. Maybe you're overreacting?”

“No, I’m not, I’m going to die. I know I am!”

She patted my hand and stood up. “I rest my case.”

My eyes followed her all the way back to the kitchen. I hated being outsmarted by her.

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Yes, you don’t have to keep asking me, just don’t lock the door.” I mouthed the last five words with her behind her back as I stood up to go for another imaginary pee. She knew it was a game. No one uses the bathroom that many times in a day, but what did she expect. It was the only place I could go where I could be on my own. Not that I had anything I particularly wanted to do in there. My dick was perpetually limp, and I hadn’t touched it other than to pee since Sunday.

“I’m bored.”

“It’s not exactly fun for me either, you know. You're not the easiest person to have to spend the day with.”

“Well, you won't have to do it for much longer.”

She let out a long breath and shook her head. I was wearing her down.

‘They’ll be sorry when it’s too late’.

“Well, before you pass away, I was hoping you’d be able to help me clean up around here.”

“No!”

“We can start with the basement.”

“No way. I’m not cleaning up his mess!”

“Robbie, whatever happened between you and Alex. You’ve got to get over it. The both of you. It’s creating a bad atmosphere.”

‘Like you and Don, you mean’?

I didn’t answer, but she was determined to drag me into a conversation that I had been trying to avoid, and she knew how to do it.

“Alex won’t be here for much longer, dear.”

“That’s what you always say, but nothing ever happens. I thought it was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks. That was three months ago.”

There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that their stay in our house had proved beneficial to Alex and his younger brother, but it came at a price. For Alex, it was his first taste of family life. There were rules which he had to obey and a routine to adhere to. Regular meals, bedtimes, and basic home comforts outweighed the perceived need for his own space and freedom. As much as he tried to deny it, I don’t think he would have chosen to go back to how he lived, even if it was an option.

The social worker visited the house twice a week to talk to them and assess the situation. I wasn’t privy to their conversations, but I got the impression she was anxious to move them on. Alex sleeping in the family room was far from ideal, and there were concerns about the impact it was having on the rest of the family. It was a risk which I’m sure most people would not have been willing to take and made evident by the slow progress in finding them a permanent home.

I wasn’t the only one who thought they had overstayed their welcome. Nicola had also been particularly vocal on the matter. Now it seemed like Sue was ready to throw the towel in too. The extra workload was too much for her, especially when coupled with her husband’s antics. That day she looked worn out, and even I felt some sympathy for her.

“I’ve spoken to the social worker and explained that this arrangement can’t continue. They have to find them somewhere else. Alex and Luke are good kids, and we’ll probably miss them, but they deserve better.”

I didn’t agree with any of that, but I didn’t want to rock the boat either. It was a miracle we were still afloat as it was.

“Alex needs help. You don’t know him like I do.” I had to be careful about what I said and backed off. Sue was analysing everything.

“Is he bullying you?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?” She stood watching me for a while as I kept my silence and then walked off to gather some evidence, returning with my ripped t-shirt. “This doesn’t happen when you fall over.”

“We were fighting, you know that. Don saw us. Why don’t you ever believe what I tell you?”

“I thought Alex was supposed to be your friend. It wasn’t long ago when you were telling me how wonderful he was and how everyone had misjudged him. Now you can’t wait to get rid of him. I wanna know what happened to suddenly change your mind so drastically.”

I wanted to tell her, it was hurting me keeping it locked away and not being able to say something. I was desperate for some reassurance but the fear of what she would think of me and the certainty that she would want to report it held me back.

“There are some things I just can’t talk to you about, but you have to believe me.” She came over and gave me a quick hug. It was her answer to everything.

“Would you be able to talk to Nicola about it?”

“Probably not.”

“Rory?”

“No. Look just forget it. It’s not that bad anyway.”

“I wish you would trust me,” she said.

“You haven’t given me any reason to.”

I knew it hurt her more than she allowed me to see, and maybe I shouldn’t have been so blunt at a time when she was vulnerable, but she had done it to me in the past.

“We’ve given you a home, Robbie. Things haven’t always been perfect, but you don’t go without. Alex doesn’t have anything. Put yourself in his shoes for a while.”

She was right, I was selfish as well as stupid. I didn’t hate Alex; I hated what he did, and I also knew it was my fault. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t encouraged him, and this was continually eating away at me.

I must have looked a pathetic sight, and that was how I felt. Useless, worthless, and spineless. Asking Sue for help but lacking the balls to explain why. I was the worst kind of person.

*     *     *

From my vantage point on the couch, I could see the first of the school buses pull up opposite and braced myself for Luke and Amy. My sister was unusually subdued, but Alex’s brother wouldn’t leave me alone.

He jumped on my lap and kneed me in the knackers making me double up in pain. It was an accident, but avoidable. Sue told him off and then Alex arrived home and took him downstairs.

Luke was obviously following in the footsteps of his brother and I was left nursing my balls. Daniel came over to ask how I was feeling. “Not good.”

He pulled a face and laughed. “That looks painful.”

“It is; can you make sure he stays out of the bedroom?”

“I’ll try, but I’m going out later.”

“Daniel’s going on a date tonight,” said Nicola.

“It’s just a friend,” he said.

“A girl friend,” said Nicola.

“I thought you had better taste than that, Daniel.” He laughed as Nicola slapped my arm.

“Are you gonna get dressed today?”

“No, I’m not well.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s all in your head.”

Now that there were other people in the house, I could leave the living room, and Sue’s restrictions were lifted, but I couldn’t relax until Alex went out. He told Sue he was going to see a friend and then looked over and smiled at me before leaving. It was getting difficult to stay angry at him.

My mood was soon lifted by the pleasant sight of my ever-adorable straight friend, Rory. He was at the front door balancing a mountain of books, which he dropped on the floor when I threw myself at him. Embracing my best friend was more important to me than the homework, and he smelled nice too.

“Are you still in your pyjamas from this morning?” he said.

“Maybe.”

Nicola laughed at his discomfort as I peeled myself from him and stood back embarrassed. Sometimes my animal instinct just seemed to kick in unannounced, but I looked at it as progress. It was the first time I had felt even a glimmer of sexual excitement since the incident.

“Excuse my brother, Rory. He’s been stuck indoors, and I think he’s in season.”

“Yeah, he always is.” Rory smiled coyly at me. “But I’m already taken, I’m afraid.” He was now openly dating Conner’s sister Rebecca, which of course, Nicola already knew about. They made a cute couple, and I was happy for my friend. He deserved this slice of good fortune, and Rebecca seemed to bring out the best in him, which begged the question.

“Have you done the deed yet?”

“What?”

I grabbed him by his wrist and led him downstairs. “You know, sown the seed?”

“Robbie, there’s more to relationships than sex, you know.”

“Who told you that nonsense?” I pushed him playfully into my bedroom and shut the door. “That’s the kind of attitude that condemns you to a life of masturbation, my friend. I guarantee she’s not thinking that way.”

“How do you know what she’s thinking?”

“She’s thinking about your dinkle, and apparently she always gets what she wants. Unfortunately, she hasn’t got a penis of her own, so your options are limited, and you might have to delve around in that nasty area between her legs.” I pulled a face and pretended I was choking.

“If it’s so disgusting, how did you manage to have sex with Fran?”

“I faked it.”

He laughed. “You’re a jerk.”

“She never noticed.”

“I think she would have, somehow.”

“If you wanna know the truth. Our sex life was a one-way street. I rarely touched her unless I really had to and then only with gloves.”

“No wonder you guys broke up. So what’s happening with Conner?”

That was the point when the curtain came down, and my mood changed from jovial to concern, although I couldn’t explain why.

“We talk a lot on the phone, but I haven’t seen him since he visited me in the hospital. I need to ask Sue if he can come over one day.”

“You should do. I saw him yesterday, and he looks bored. He really hasn’t got a lot to do at home other than help out on the farm. He hasn’t got many friends. I think he would like to see you.” He winked at me and sat down at my desk

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I just think Conner would like to, you know, get to know you a bit better.”

I knew exactly what he meant, but now the shoe was on the other foot I wasn’t so comfortable. It must have seemed odd considering my advice to him moments earlier, but I was still only lukewarm about the idea of having sex with Conner or anyone else for that matter.

I was sure it was a side effect from my experience with Alex; a problem which I refused to address. I liked Conner, I thought he was sexy and cute, but for the time being, I found it difficult to think about the next stage. I wasn’t even comfortable with him kissing me.

It was impossible to seek advice on an issue which was a direct result of something that never happened, and no one would ever understand anyway. All I could do was hope it went away, and try to keep Conner interested without actually making any progress. It was a strategy that had disaster written all over it.

*     *     *

Rory stayed until just after nine, and we even managed to get some schoolwork done before his dad turned up to drive him home. I was asked if I wanted to go back with them for a sleepover and was already dressed for the occasion, but Sue was never going to agree to that with me on the injured list, so I sulked.

“Alex is probably at Jenny’s house, Nicola’s with Mr Lube; even Daniel gets to go out. But I can’t even go to my friend’s house. I hate my life.”

To make things even worse, because there was no one to keep an eye on me in the basement, I had to sit upstairs with Sue. It seemed so unfair that I had to spend what little life I had left watching Murder She Wrote.

Two days stuck indoors, and I was already climbing the walls.

‘What will I be like in a couple of weeks’?

I needed to get away from the house before I suffocated, or before Don unleashed Mr Symmonds on me again. I wanted to run, but not like before. This time I would do it properly. I had the money, all I needed was a place to go, and a shot of bravado, something that had been sadly missing lately.

Sue was falling asleep in the armchair, so I was in the kitchen searching for a drink when Alex came home. It was early by his standards; I wasn’t expecting him back for a couple of hours.

He looked stoned as he sat at the breakfast bar, and I was pleased to see Sue walk-in yawning. He said hello to her before turning his attention back to me.

“Here, I got you this. I went to the Dairy Queen.”

He was holding a strawberry milkshake at arm’s length for me to take. I looked at him and then at Sue, who was observing but said nothing. I knew she would be on my case if I didn’t accept it, so I took it and nodded.

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” he said and smiled before leaving for the basement.

“It wouldn’t hurt you to be polite,” said Sue. “He’s trying to be nice to you. The least you could do is say thank you.”

“Fine. I’ll say thank you!” I grabbed my drink and marched downstairs. He was sitting on his bed and smiled when I stood in front of him.

“Thank you for the shake,” I hissed at him and turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

“Wait a minute. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Please, hear me out. It should be me thanking you.”

I scoffed at him. We both knew why he was grateful. “I didn’t do it for you, Alex. I did it for me.”

“It doesn’t matter. Look I know you're still pissed with me, but it won't be for long. I’m leaving.”

“Whatever.”

“No, I mean it. I got it all figured out.”

“When?”

“Soon, you’ll see. I’m gonna take Luke with me.”

“You're running away?”

“Shush, I prefer to call it moving on.” He laughed nervously before his voice changed back into deadly serious. “I can’t stay in Cobourg. I need to be happy, and I don’t wanna be Alex Baker anymore.”

I didn’t blame him for that, but it was a little late. “Who do you wanna be then?”

“I’m gay.”

‘No shit’!

“When did you figure that out, Alex.”

“I’ve known forever.”

“I thought it might have been when you were shoving your dick in my mouth.” I stepped back expecting him to be angry, but it had the opposite effect. I detected shame instead, and he refused to look at me. I was glad he felt bad. Remorse wasn’t usually one of his strong points.

“I know it was wrong. You can’t say anything I haven’t already said to myself.”

I watched him as he held his head in his hands. He was a mere shadow of the cocky jock I knew. Alexander the Great, captain of the school baseball team. The boy sitting in front of me was nothing of the kind, He looked vulnerable and dejected. I felt sorry for him; It was impossible not to, but I couldn’t help him in the way he would have liked.

As much as I wanted him out of the house, I didn’t think he was in the right frame of mind to run away and definitely not with Luke. He had no money for a start. I explained all this to him, but he was very emotional.

“You don’t understand I can’t stay here. You're the only person who really knows me, but soon they’ll all know.”

“How?”

“My old man’s been telling people; he knows about me. That’s why he wanted to fight me.”

I had my suspicions at the time but kept them to myself. It made a lot more sense than the statement he gave to the police.

“You could still deny it. Who’s gonna believe him?”

“You don’t get it, do you. Maybe I don’t wanna pretend anymore. Why should I have to? It’s not against the law. I’m sixteen, I’m not doing anything wrong am I?”

‘Other than the underage drinking, drugs, driving without a licence, and sexual assault’.

I kept my thoughts to myself as he started to sob.

“It’s working for you,” he said.

“You really think so? I’m not much better off than you are. At least you can go out.”

“I always thought that we would, you know, get together. Like, be together as a couple. That was always my plan, but I blew it last week. I know that.”

He was crying again and making me feel uncomfortable. I looked towards the stairs. We weren’t talking loud, and it was unlikely that Sue could hear us with the TV on, but I wouldn’t have been surprised to see standing at the top listening.

“You didn’t blow it last week, Alex. It was never there in the first place. I’m sorry you got the wrong message and I know I was to blame for a lot of it, but you have to understand.”

“It’s not too late!” He stood up, and I automatically took a step back. “You could come with us.”

“What? Are you crazy?”

“Probably. But it makes sense, don’t you think?”

“No! How does it make sense? I don’t believe you, Alex. After what you did!” I could hear Sue walking around upstairs, and I lowered my voice. “If you wanna come out. I’ll help you. We can even still be friends, but I’m not gonna run off with you.”

“Trust me, It’s gonna work out. My cousin lives in Florida. He told me we could stay there for a while, at his house.”

“Florida?”

“Cool eh. We can go to Disney World and all that shit.”

“You know how far it is?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there before, when I was younger with my dad.”

“You’ll be caught at the border.”

“Robbie, do you know how many people cross that border every day. They’re looking out for terrorists, smugglers, and murderers. You really think they’re gonna be looking for us?”

“You,” I said. “Not us. I’m not going with you.”

“You don’t really wanna stay here, do you? They don’t care about you. They’re the ones who are making you ill, we both know that. This is your chance to fuck Don over after all the shit he’s caused you.”

“You really are serious aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. Think about it. Me, you, and Luke. No one will know, we can just fuck off. That was how it was supposed to be. Can you imagine Don’s face when he reads your note telling him you ran off with me?”

He was delusional, bordering on insane, but he really believed it. He was convinced we were supposed to be together, even after everything that happened, he still couldn’t bring himself to let go. I needed to set him straight, but I also had to stay alive, and the only adult in the house was Sue.

“I don’t know if I could do that.”

“I can’t stay here, man. Not if people know. When they find out about me, I’ll be screwed. My old man already wants to kill me and probably you too. He fucking hates queers.”

“Why would he want to kill me?”

“Because I told him about us. I had to.”

“WHAT?”

“Don’t be mad. I had to come clean. He kinda guessed about you when he saw you sleeping in my bed.”

“Wait a minute. You told your psychotic dad that I was your boyfriend and now he wants to kill me too?”

“Something like that.” He dropped his head. “I’m sorry, man.”

“No, no, no. Sorry isn’t good enough. You're gonna have to tell him the truth.”

“I can’t do that. He’s on the run, remember? I dunno where he is, and I can’t contact him. Don’t worry, he’s not gonna come here, he doesn’t even know where you live.”

“But he knows where I go to school, doesn’t he?” He didn’t answer my question, and I kicked the couch, forgetting I had nothing on my feet. Then limped around the room. “Great! Thanks, Alex. Now I have a madman stalking me. I could be killed at any moment. What else are you gonna tell me? I bet he’s a fucking ex-commando or something.”

“ROBBIE, WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE!”

“NOTHING!”

“He wasn’t in the military. He was never sober enough,” said Alex.

“I was joking.”

My life seemed to be disintegrating. It felt as if everything was collapsing in on me. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. Every road I looked down seemed to end in the same way. Maybe it was meant to be.

“Will you at least think about it?”

“NO!” I left him to go back upstairs to the couch.

‘He really is crazy. Florida. What the fuck’!

When mad Alex wasn’t trying to kill me directly, he was getting other people to do it. Now I had his alcoholic dad to contend with. I was sorry I ever met him.

Sue had her own problems. She was in the kitchen, arguing on the phone. She was upset, and I could guess why. Don still wasn’t home. He was always late on Friday, but never this late.

We sat and watched a drab movie together, but I don’t think either of us was paying much attention to it and she was asleep before it finished.

Daniel arrived home just before midnight in the back of a taxi. I opened the door for him and waved at the driver.

“You're late. You were supposed to be back by eleven.”

He looked at me in disbelief. “Okay, Mom. Like you’ve ever been home on time.”

It was his first real night out, and Sue was asleep, so I decided to stand in for her. I didn’t see why he should have it easy, and I could detect the distinct smell of a female on him. I caught a whiff of teenage perfume, but when I studied his face, there were no tell-tale signs of lipstick.

“How did it go?”

“Okay,” he said. “She’s only a friend, it wasn’t a date.” I shrugged. He must have known it didn’t bother me either way. “How was your evening?”

I pointed at Sue. She was snoring and had her mouth wide open. “Riveting.”

After waking her up, I followed Daniel downstairs and went to bed while he stayed up talking to Alex in the next room, but I couldn’t sleep.

‘Alex is besotted with me. How the fuck did that happen? How do I get out of this mess’?

I had a few options. I could go to the police and try to get him locked up. I could do nothing and hope it all goes away and his old man doesn’t find me. I could run away on my own with nowhere to go, or I could withdraw all my money and spend the last few weeks of my life with him in Florida where no one could find me.

The fact I was willing to even consider this, was an indication of my own sanity.