The Cockney Canuck - 122. Chapter 122 The Anniversary

The first snowfall of the winter dumped over a foot of the crisp, white stuff in a vast swathe across Southern Ontario. The power was back on, and the house was warm, but I was in no hurry to drag myself out of a comfortable bed.

With Daniel still asleep on the other side of the room, this would have been prime wanking time for any normal sixteen-year-old, but not me. The sudden loss of my sexual appetite had left me with a shocking amount of free time on my hands. More time than I needed for all of my other hobbies combined and it made me think. I was busy doing the math, trying to work out how many hours had been lost to self-gratification over the years when I was interrupted by Sue’s shrill voice calling me to the phone. I leapt from my bed and ran upstairs to the kitchen in a panic, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs.

“It’s Jo,” said Sue as she handed me the phone at arm’s length and looked disapprovingly at my flimsy attire. Amy thought it was funny, so I poked my tongue at her and smiled bashfully at Sue before turning my back on them.

Just as Daniel predicted, the buses had been cancelled, and there was no school, but my appointment with Jo would go ahead as planned. She called to ask if she could pick me up at one.

“I think that’ll be okay,” I looked across the kitchen at Sue, and she nodded before I could ask. “Yeah, I’ll be ready at one o’clock.”

I put the phone down and then winced as Nicola slapped my back on her way past. She laughed as I looked for something to throw at her, but Sue was watching.

“Did you see what she just did?”

“Well, maybe you should put some clothes on then, dear?”

“I didn’t have time to get dressed. I was still in bed when you called me!”

“Why didn’t she just call you on your cell phone?” asked Nicola.

“How do I know?” I glared at my sister and then spun around in a huff, jarring my funny bone on the counter. “FUCK! Look what you made me do.” I was hoping for some sympathy as I dropped to my knees, holding my elbow, but all they did was laugh at my melodramatic performance. It was an all too familiar scenario. The more annoyed I became, the more they would laugh at me, but this time, I managed to surprise everyone, including me by joining in with a little giggle at my own expense.

Controlling my temper wasn’t easy, but I enjoyed the response. Even Nicola was lost for words as I picked myself up, rubbed my arm and walked to the stairs with a wink and a suggestive slap on my butt. It made them laugh, but six months earlier, I would have died of embarrassment. It was one of the positive things that had come from living with a family, which I rarely gave any thought to. I had no reason any more to feel self-conscious about my body.

I returned half-an-hour later dressed for the artic and sat down next to Nicola.

“You're all, or nothing aren’t you?” she said, and I removed my ski mask and put it on Amy.

“I didn’t realise your counsellor was a woman,” said Sue. “She sounds really nice.”

I knew then why Jo called the house phone. There was a logical reason behind everything she did, and on this occasion, it allowed her to talk to Sue and gather a little more information.

I shared a look with my sister; she knew what I was thinking. “She is nice,” I said. “You’ll probably get a chance to meet her this afternoon.”

‘This is going to be funny’.

I couldn’t wait to see Sue’s face when Jo showed up, but it wasn’t to be. By lunchtime, she was back in her room with another headache, and I was outside helping my brother clear the driveway.

*     *     *

“She needs to see a doctor,” said Daniel as he pushed another shovel of snow against the fence and stopped to catch his breath. His rosy cheeks made him look healthy and vibrant, and despite a runny nose, unusually clean. He wiped the snot on his sleeve and breathed into my face. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, but she works at the hospital, there are plenty of doctors there.”

“I know, but she probably won't say anything to anyone.”

Sue’s bedroom was directly above the garage so I edged closer to him so we couldn’t be overheard. Close enough to smell the toothpaste on his frozen breath. “What do you think her problem is?” I already had my answer, it wasn’t difficult to work out, but I wanted to hear it from Daniel.

“Dad!”

It wasn’t exactly news to me. I had been picking up on it for months. The gradual appearance of cracks in the hitherto smooth walls of Don’s supposedly flawless castle. It didn’t surprise me. Sue’s attempts to hide her marital problems from her offspring were ineffective, and Daniel and Nicola were too old to be fooled anymore. Don’s continued absence and his attempts to force his outdated values on a family unwilling to live in the stone age had only fuelled dissent. Now Daniel—his only probable ally at home—had, unsurprisingly, joined Nicola in the ranks of the opposition and Don’s fate was sealed.

His heavy-handed approach and stubborn refusal to listen to anyone with a different opinion made him dislikeable, but until recently he still commanded respect within the family. It was a tenuous position which relied heavily on Sue’s compliance, and that was no longer guaranteed. It looked as if I might not need Jo’s help to get rid of Don. He was doing a pretty good job of it himself.

As his influence began to wane and the threat level diminished, I found it increasingly difficult to hate him. There was a time when I wouldn’t have pissed on him if he was on fire, but he was still my mom’s brother, and that had to count for something.

I yelled and dropped my shovel as Daniel pretended to whisper in my ear, before grabbing my coat and forcing a handful of snow down the back of my neck. The ice, lodged between thermal clothing and warm skin, quickly began to melt sending cold steams down my back as I chased him with everything I had. He escaped, and it was probably for the best. Almost a year after our initial, quite even skirmishes, Daniel had grown in every department while I was pretty much the same.

I put it down to my accident and the handful of days spent hospitalised in a coma, but it was probably more to do with the fact that he regularly worked out, ate better, and played a lot more sport than me.

My once admired body—the result of a youth spent in the swimming pool keeping pace with my mom—was now in steep decline. Since her death, the only physical activity I willfully indulged in was the occasional bout of naked wrestling, usually performed in bed with various partners.

For a while, Nathan’s stringent and often depraved work ethic was the only exercise I got, but our breakup and the painful episode with Alex had turned me into a couch potato and easy prey for my younger brother.

He teased me as I struggled to keep pace while chasing him around the house. It was becoming embarrassing, and I was in danger of being lapped so I stopped and resorted to a long-distance snowball fight instead. Anything to avoid the possibility of hand to hand combat with a sibling who I was certain would easily beat me.

Before Alex, the prospect of being held down against my will in the snow by a well-toned and highly excitable teenage boy would have been enough for me to take a dive, but not anymore. Even the sight of him parading naked around the bedroom as we changed from our wet clothes did nothing for a very under-nourished looking penis. I was convinced it was shrinking and tried to hide it from my brother and certain ridicule.

Once again, I was worrying over nothing. Daniel wasn’t interested in my genitals, preferring instead to feast his young eyes on a heavily pixelated photo of Pamela Anderson. A giant poster of the curvy Baywatch actress with oversized jugs had recently appeared above his bed and served only one purpose. I was surprised Sue didn’t object to the display of such blatant wanking material, but I suppose she had more to worry about than her son’s rather odd masturbatory habits.

*     *     *

At precisely two o’clock, Jo’s car pulled onto our driveway. I was already waiting outside with Nicola, who wanted to see my cool counsellor for herself. She sent me on my way with a wet kiss on the cheek which I wiped off with my glove before slipping on the icy driveway and falling on my backside.

Nicola thought it was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing as I picked myself up and walked tentatively to the car. I sat down sore, flustered, and bulging from several layers of bulky clothing.

“Is that your sister?”

“Yeah, that’s Nicola.”

“You two seem quite close.”

“Sometimes,” I said as I returned my sisters wave with a one-fingered gesture of my own. “Not always, though. We used to fight a lot.”

“Any reason for that?”

“She was a bitch…. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, that’s what I want. Raw emotion is good. I don’t care what words you use as long as it describes how you feel.”

I noticed that our session had started a little earlier than scheduled, Jo was already firing questions at me, and we hadn't even left the driveway.

“Well, she was a bitch, but she changed after my accident, and when I came out, she got very protective.”

“Isn’t she the one who dragged you away from the edge of the pier?”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Don’t knock it, kid, you're lucky to have a sister who really cares about you. It’s not always the case these days.”

“I do love her. I just don’t want her to know, that’s all.” Jo laughed. “I’m only kidding. She knows stuff about me. I wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“Do you think you’d be able to tell me those things?”

“I dunno, maybe.”

“That’s a start. Maybe, is okay. I have to earn your trust. Tell me more about Nicola.”

“What do you wanna know? She’s my sister, but she used to be my cousin. She’s a bit like you in a way, but bossier. If she has a problem with me, she’ll come straight out and tell me or shout at me. She speaks her mind, so I know where I stand with her.”

“That’s good. Most boys don’t like bossy older sisters.”

“I don’t mind. I kinda like her telling me what to do.” I paused for a while to stare out the window. “Don’t ask me why, though.”

“Why?”

I smirked as I turned to face her. “I don’t know why. It’s just easier, I guess. Fran was like that too.”

“Who’s Fran?”

“She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“I thought you were gay.”

“I am, but it wasn’t always that way. I had a girlfriend for a while, but it didn’t work out.”

“Are you bi-sexual?”

“No, I just like guys. I know that now for sure. Fran can be quite sexy, though.”

Jo looked for a second as if she was going to laugh. “Robbie, it’s possible you may be bi-sexual.”

“No, absolutely not. I don’t like girl parts. Especially the bit down there.” I pointed to my crotch as Jo laughed.

“Girl parts, what are they? Come on, Robbie, you can do better than that. You don’t have to be shy around me, it’s not rude to talk about sex. I’m guessing you mean vagina, but for future reference, I don’t wanna have to guess at what you mean. Just say it; I won't be offended.”

“Okay. VAGINAS don’t turn me on. Is that better?”

“Much, but you don’t have to shout.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know how guys can get so close. You know, with their tongues and stuff.” I glanced at Joe to be sure we were on the same page before continuing. “Fran made me do it once. I felt guilty because she always did stuff to me.”

“That’s fair,” she said.

“Not for me it wasn’t, I was almost sick. I gave her an orgasm, though.” It was something I was particularly proud of, but Fran never had a problem getting off.

“Well, that was nice of you. Not many gay guys would do that for their girlfriend.”

I was sure she was laughing at me, so I switched to a topic I was more comfortable with and tried to embarrass her.

“I’m good at blowjobs. I used to do Nathan all the time, and he loved it. Sometimes I let him squirt in my face.” My cheeks were burning, and I could no longer look her in the eye, but Jo was unfazed.

“I’m impressed,” she said. “So what else did this Nathan boy like doing to you?”

“Don’t you ever get embarrassed?”

“No, I already told you that. I know what you're doing, Robbie, but it isn’t gonna work with me. I told you, I wanna know everything about you.”

“Everything?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Even stuff nobody knows?”

“Especially stuff nobody knows.”

I was sure she was referring to the marks on my neck. There was no way she was going to simply forget about that. I shifted a little uneasily in my seat and tried unsuccessfully to change the subject.

“Is it gonna snow again today?”

“No. So do you think you were attracted to Fran because of her personality rather than her sex?”

“How do you mean?”

“You told me she was like your sister, maybe you need people like that in your life, people to tell you what to do?”

“Maybe.” I stared at her as we turned onto Main Street. “Maybe I’m trying to replace my mom.”

Jo glanced at me and smiled. “That’s quite a good assessment. Are you after my job?”

“I wouldn’t be able to do your job. I couldn’t listen to other people’s problems all day, or try to help people who are just losers.”

“Is that how you see yourself, Robbie, as a loser?”

“I’m sixteen years old and having counselling. You tell me.”

“Does that make you a loser?”

“It certainly doesn't make me a winner.”

“It all depends on your definition of winners and losers. You’ve been affected by a lot of things that are outside of your control. It’s not your fault you lost your mom or what happened to your dad. You can’t judge yourself on their lives.”

“Then I’m just unlucky, is that it?” I moaned and stared out of the window. There was a teenage girl in the back of the car next to us at the traffic lights. She glanced at me and smiled. I didn’t recognise her from school, but there was no guarantee that she didn’t know me. I smiled back at her as Jo turned her head to see the reason for my sudden distraction.

“Are you sure you don’t swing both ways?”

“I’m pretty certain which way I swing,” I said. “But it doesn't mean I can’t appreciate beauty in the opposite sex, and she did have a cute smile.”

“You're a tease.”

“I don’t mean to be. Girl’s just seem to like me, that’s all.”

“Oh, you poor thing. It must be hell for you being chased by girls all the time. When all you want is a cute guy.”

“Yeah, something like that.” I smiled at her and turned towards the window again.

“So why Fran? Other than her personality, what did she have that you couldn’t resist?”

“An older brother!”

I had a smug grin on my face as Jo drove into the empty school parking lot. There was a time when I would have vehemently denied being gay, but not anymore, and it made me feel good. Now I felt embarrassed by the fact that I was once so messed up that I dated a girl, had sex with her, and even put my face in a place where no gay man should ever venture.

It set the tone for the rest of our session, and over the next hour, we talked candidly about sex and relationships. I told her about Tom and my first, somewhat uneasy introduction to adult fun.

“It wasn’t real sex, we just thought it was. We didn’t really know what we were doing. But I know now it was wrong.”

“Why was it wrong, Robbie?”

“Because my mom was dying at the time and all I could think of was…. Getting off with my best friend. She didn’t even know I was gay. I didn’t get around to telling her.”

They were bittersweet memories from a period of my life I wanted to forget. It was a shame that my first taste of sex would be forever tainted by my mother’s death, but the two events were indelibly linked in my head and impossible to separate. I regretted not having the patience to wait for a more suitable time and felt guilty for putting pressure on Tom to do something I was convinced he didn’t want to do. I always believed he did it mostly because he wanted to make me feel better.

Jo didn’t necessarily agree with my synopsis, especially about Tom, but it gave her further insight into my life and another piece of the puzzle.

“It must have been tough on you both when you had to leave.”

“Kind of.”

“Do you keep in contact?”

“We try. He came to visit me in the summer for my adoption. It was really cool having him here. It felt strange, but he hadn’t changed at all, not a bit.”

“It sounds like you still think a lot of him, maybe you should make more of an effort to stay in touch. Even if it’s just as friends.”

“Yeah, I do miss him. We had a lot of fun. I mean before we started misbehaving. Although we had fun doing that too. He was a good friend.”

“I have a problem with a couple of things,” she said. “First I wanna know why you think you were misbehaving and second, if Tom is straight, then I’m a virgin. I’m sorry kid, I’m sure he’s a wonderful person, but it doesn’t matter how much he cares, there are limits. A straight guy will give you a hug, and if you ask him, he’ll probably hold your hand. He may even give you a gentle massage to make you feel better, but he ain’t gonna let you put your dick in his mouth.”

Jo had a way with words; she tried not to over-complicate things, and this was a good example.

“So you think he wanted it just as much as I did?”

Once again, Jo allowed me to draw my own conclusions with some helpful advice.

“Sometimes the answer is right in front of you, but you ignore it because you're looking for something more complicated. It’s what everybody does. Most of our problems are relatively easy to diagnose and even easier to solve. Don’t look for complex answers to simple questions. I’ve never met Tom, but I know for a fact he’s not straight.”

I laughed, mostly because it was what I wanted to hear. Even if it was unlikely I would ever see Tom again in the flesh.

*     *     *

The ninth of December had a special significance for me, but the first anniversary of my mother’s death was just a normal Thursday for everyone else. Nicola was particularly nice to me that day at school and Rory too, but I was Nathan who provided the biggest surprise. I found a note from him tucked in my locker. It was a simple message, just five words.

‘Thinking of you today. N’.

I wasn’t sure how he knew or why he felt compelled to leave me a note, but it played on my mind all morning. I analysed it in detail, trying to work out his motive before remembering Jo’s advice to look for the simple answer.

‘Maybe he's just being nice’.

The least I could do was thank him for it, so I waited outside the cafeteria after lunch and made him jump with a tap on his shoulder.

“Robbie, you scared the hell outta me.”

I laughed at him, and it seemed to put us both at ease. “I got your note and wanted to say thank you. I wasn’t expecting you to….”

“I just wanted to know you were okay, that’s all. I know it’s a big day for you.”

“Yeah, it is. But I’m fine.”

He didn’t look convinced as he turned to look at Ginny. “I heard you were back in the hospital.”

“Yeah. I’m okay now, though. They can’t find anything wrong with me. Maybe a few screws loose up here.” I laughed, but Nathan’s smile was fleeting and false.

“You're having counselling, why?”

“You heard about that, huh? It’s nothing serious. Just someone from the school.”

“You're okay, though?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

He stopped and faced me in the corridor. “Because I’m worried about you, that’s why. I still care, you know. That’s not gonna change because we’re not together anymore.” He sounded genuine, and it made me feel bad. “I just heard something, and I got worried. But I guess it was only gossip.”

“What did you hear?”

“Nothing bad, I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”

‘What are they saying about me’?

He must have known I would follow him around the school for the rest of the day if he didn’t tell me.

“You're gonna worry about it, aren’t you?”

“I already am,” I said and he laughed.

“Okay, well, there are rumours you tried to kill yourself, but I can see that’s not true, so who gives a fuck.”

He turned to smile at Ginny, who hadn’t taken her eyes off me.

“Yeah, who gives a fuck,” I said as they walked away.

“I gotta go, Robbie. It was nice talking to again. Maybe we can meet up for a chat sometime. Oh, I heard you were seeing somebody, a guy from Port Hope. Good for you. Any news on Alex?”

I shrugged, and Nathan smiled before disappearing into the melee of students gathered in the corridor.

‘Everyone thinks I’m a nutcase. They think I’m suicidal’.

I tested my theory on David at the start of our English lesson.

“How old do you have to be to buy a gun over here?”

“What did you just say?”

“I wanna buy a gun.”

“What for?”

“Hunting.”

“You're crazy.”

“Maybe.”

Throughout the lesson, he kept turning his head to look at me as if trying to work out if I was serious or not. Nathan was right, everyone believed the gossip. I was hot news again, beaten only by my ex-lodger and abuser.

*     *     *

It was almost a week since Alex left our house to take Luke to the park, and there was still no news from my friend or his troublesome brother, but plenty of gossip. Rumours were circulating that he was the father of at least one teenage pregnancy at the school. Others claimed he had been surreptitiously moved on to avoid embarrassment after an affair with a married teacher.

There were a lot of people who believed these stories, but to me, it was proof of how little they knew about him, and how well he had managed to disguise himself. In this case, I was sure that if or when the truth emerged, it would be less believable than most of the gossip.

Despite constant questions from interested parties, I had no idea where Alex was, but I had a feeling he was okay. He would manage to land on his feet somehow, although I thought it unlikely that he was still in Cobourg. His future to some degree rested with me and how well I was going to be able to resist Jo’s attempts to work out what really happened.

After school that day, I met her in the usual room for our third session in four days. She was aware of the anniversary and mentioned it at the beginning, but other than that Jo steered the conversation well clear of a topic which had been filling my head all day.

“Do you celebrate Christmas, Robbie?”

“Yes.”

“And your family, are they Christian?”

“I think, but only Don’s religious. He goes to the same church as Mr Symmonds.”

“Yeah, I know about Don, but what about the rest of the family, what are your plans for the holidays?”

“I think Sue’s brother and sister are coming to stay for a while.”

“That’ll be nice.” My response was less than enthusiastic, and Jo scribbled something on her clipboard. “What about your boyfriend, you’ll be seeing him at Christmas surely?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Maybe I got it wrong. I thought his name was….” She quickly leafed through a pile of notes looking at random scribbles written in different inks. It was all gibberish to me, yet somehow from that indecipherable mess, she managed to pull out a name which surprised me.

“Conner,” she said triumphantly. “So who’s Conner?”

‘Who told her about him’?

“He’s a friend?”

“From school?”

“No, he doesn’t live in Cobourg.”

“Is he cute?”

“What?”

“Come on, I know there’s more to it than that. How long have you been seeing him?”

“A couple of months, on and off. Where do you get your information?”

“It doesn’t matter. How’s it going with you two?”

I hesitated, deliberately slowing things down in an attempt to work out her angle, although I knew where it was heading.

“Okay.”

“Just okay? Are you having sex with him?”

“No!”

“Why? Don’t you like him?”

“Yes.”

“Does he turn you on?”

“I suppose.”

“Hmm. Does he have a penis?”

“I hope so. What kind of question is that?”

“I’m just wondering why you guys haven’t hooked up yet. I know you like sex, and it’s not like you're shy or anything. I’m sure Conner would appreciate your expertise.”

“I didn’t say I was an expert and it doesn’t mean I have to do it with every guy I meet. I might wanna take things easy.”

“I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t. It’s always better to take your time, but it’s not what you normally do. What does Conner think?”

“I don’t know; we don’t really discuss things like that.”

“What do you talk about?”

“I don’t see him that much, he lives quite away from me. He wants to get closer, you know, sex and stuff, but I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Okay, I understand. I’m just confused. I wanna know what happened to turn you off sex. You weren’t like that with Nathan or Tom, or even Fran for that matter. Who else have you been with, Robbie?”

“No one.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive!”

“It’s okay sweetie, relax. You’ll tell me when you're ready.”

I was ready. It was clear she wasn’t going to let this go. All I was doing was postponing it and prolonging the agony.

“Alex,” I mumbled.

Jo’s expression never changed as she pulled a piece of paper from her bag and sat on the desk to face me. “Do you wanna tell me what happened with Alex?”

It didn’t take long to explain and unlike with Nicola, this time I left nothing out. I told her exactly what happened in plain and simple words.

“It wasn’t what he did. It was the way he did it. He was angry and violent. He really hurt me. I thought I was gonna die. I was terrified, and I still can’t get it out of my mind. I can’t even think about sex without it coming back. It’s in my head all the time.”

Jo reached out and touched my knee; then leaned forward to look me in the eye. She was much closer than usual, and I thought for a moment she was going to kiss me.

“I’m glad you told me. I was pretty sure it was something like that. Now I know, we can start to make things better. I understand what you're going through.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes. I do.”

“You can’t.”

“I can. Believe me. You’d be surprised how big a problem it is, and it doesn’t matter what sex you are. Most of the teenagers I see are victims of some kind of sexual abuse.”

“But I don’t wanna be a victim.”

“There’s no shame in being a victim, Robbie. You didn’t choose it. You're not to blame. That’s the first thing you need to understand. It doesn’t matter how much you think you asked for it. It wasn’t your fault!”

It would be a while before I could think the same way. I knew how much I used to tease him, and it wasn’t as if we hadn’t done stuff previously.

“He probably thought it was gonna be the same,” I said.

“When you fooled around in the past, did you have sex?”

“Yes, but only once.”

“He penetrated you?”

She made it sound so clinical, and I pulled a face before replying. “Yes.”

“Consensual?”

“Huh?”

“You agreed. He didn’t force you to do it.”

“No, he didn’t actually force me, but….”

“He pressured you?”

“Yeah, he pressured me. I didn’t really want to, but he talked me into it. We took some drugs too.”

Her ears pricked up at the mention of drugs.

“What kind of drugs?”

“I can’t remember what they were, but they were pills, he got them from his brother.”

“How did they make you feel?”

“Good, for a while. Then my heart started racing, I was scared, but he made me feel okay.”

“Did this drug increase your sexual appetite.”

“It made me horny for a while if that’s what you mean.” I smiled and blushed, but she remained stony-faced.

“Was that the reason why you agreed to have sex with him?”

“Probably.”

“And you didn’t do it again.”

“Not with him, no. He’s kinda…. I’m not sure how to say this without sounding rude.”

“Robbie, it’s not rude, and you don’t need to feel embarrassed. You can use whatever words you want.”

“Right. Well, Alex is bigger than most guys.”

Jo nodded. “Okay, so he has a big penis, which was probably a little uncomfortable for you.”

“No, it fucking hurt like hell. For a week.” She smiled at my terminology. “Sorry, you told me I could use whatever words I wanted.”

“You needed to tell this guy to take a hike, what were you doing inviting him into your home?”

“I felt sorry for him, and I still do.”

“He hasn’t touched you since the last incident, though.”

“No. But only because of Nicola, I think she’s the reason he ran away.”

“Okay. Can you jerk off?”

“What, now?”

“No! not now, dummy. I mean are you able to do it at home, on your own. Geez, you’ll lose me my job.”

I laughed at my own stupidity. “No, not since that day.”

“That’s okay, it’s perfectly normal under the circumstances. Do you get erections?” She put her hand up. “There’s no need to show me.”

“No. And I wasn’t going to.” I smiled at her joke but kept my head bowed. It was something I hated having to admit.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. There’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be put right. You’ve had a traumatic experience. What Alex did to you was worse than you're prepared to admit even to yourself.”

“He’s gonna be in trouble now, isn’t he?”

“He was already in trouble. You can’t worry about him, sweetie. Focus on yourself. You're the one I’m worried about.”

*     *     *

It was dark when Jo dropped me home. The snow had gone, washed away by torrential downpours of rain, but Cobourg was beginning to look very festive. It seemed as if every house except ours had some kind of Christmas display. Some of them were tacky, others quite beautiful, but something was going on everywhere I looked.

“Wait until it snows again,” said Jo. “This town looks pretty at Christmas.”

“I’ve never seen a white Christmas before.”

“Well, you will this year. It always snows before the holidays.”

I waved goodbye to Jo and ran indoors to ask Sue if I could put some lights at the weekend. She was on her own in the kitchen, but I could hear Daniel and Amy in the basement.

“I don’t see why not,” she said. “There are some decorations in the garage.”

“Jo wants to see me again tomorrow.”

“Okay, dear.”

“Maybe you can meet her if she has time.”

“We’ll see.”

I was disappointed with Sue. I was expecting her to show a little more interest in the counsellor who she went out of her way to persuade me to visit. She was strangely subdued, and I wondered if she was still feeling ill.

“I like Jo, she really nice and she makes me feel a lot better.”

“That’s nice dear. Go get changed.”

“She’s more than just a counsellor, you know. She works for the government or something and has special powers.”

“Okay, Robbie. Perhaps we can talk about it after dinner.”

I shrugged my shoulders baffled by her indifference, but it was going to take more than that to knock a hole in my good mood.

“You’ll never guess what she said about Symmonds?” I had a big smile on my face as I spun around and walked straight into Don.

“No,” he said. “But I’m sure you won't mind telling me.”