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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
18 Weeks of Twoey - 95. Week Fourteen Thursday, December 4, 2014: Slipping
How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!
As You Like It - WS
***
“I don’t like it! I don’t like it! I don’t like it!”
This time I woke up yelling.
Crap! These dreams are starting to get to me. Why does fucking Burch, who is fucking dead already, have to be telling me that I like it? What the fuck is it and why does the fucking ghost of that fucking bastard even care? Well, whatever it is, my dream-self doesn’t like it. That much was painfully clear.
Tommy got me showered a little earlier today; my screaming probably woke up the poor kid. At least I was early enough to be downstairs eating some breakfast when the gang arrived for their daily visit. The shocking news was from Sam, saying he noticed Lanni at the rink yesterday, skating with Cal. I almost spit out my cereal!
“Nels! Tell Lauri to explain a few things to her sister. Of all the guys on Earth she should not be with, it’s Cal Jacobs!”
Fuck! I was hoping Nels realized how bad that asshole could be for a sweet girl like Lanni. I mean, if it were Alex, she would castrate Cal, but Lanni is too innocent. At least we all talked about it enough that I was sure Nels was gonna do something.
Shit! Lanni as one of Cal’s conquests. It made me shudder. It made me angry. It made me hate.
After the gang left, I went upstairs to calm down. It took me a half hour of meditation to stop thinking of ways to hurt Cal. Finally, I was settled enough to begin Demian, Chapter 1.
Demian. Two chapters later, deciding I shouldn’t read this book too fast, I had to stop. I needed to contemplate the real meaning behind each chapter. So I toyed with his idea that maybe Cain and Abel was a parable for something else. Could it have been, Cain’s mark was the fact he was smart? Did I have the mark of Cain? Could it have been, maybe Abel wasn’t murdered? Too bad I wasn’t still in that cuckoo church! This would have really caused a shitstorm in their Teen Bible Study – OMFG!
Unfortunately, the clock interfered with my reflecting. It was almost noon. Chuck came for lunch again today. I had been forgetting to return his camera. It was in my backpack in the hospital closet, and came home with me. When I discovered it, I checked it over and, thankfully, it wasn’t damaged. I bet the police looked at it too. I was certainly glad I hadn’t left anything on the memory card.
“I’m going to return your camera. My project’s over. Thanks for letting me use it, Chuck, it really helped.”
“No, no! Keep it and learn some photography. It’s really a great hobby. I never used it after I got my Canon, and there’s nothing good about letting it collect dust in my closet. At least this way it will be used. It actually makes me happy. I always had fun with that Nikon. I’m glad it has a good home! If you buy a new battery, it’ll hold a charge for weeks.”
So I thanked him, and I did keep it.
After he left, I decided to think about the second chapter of Demian for a while more. But I soon fell asleep. I woke up being greeted by an Alex kiss. I told her to back off while I hobbled into the bathroom to brush my teeth. She came in and helped me. Then we went back on the bed and she was all over me. She told me she couldn’t wait for Monday to arrive – for me to lose these casts.
“I’ve got plans for us that clearly do not involve plaster.”
I. Can’t. Wait. – I think.
We made out a bit, every so often breaking for a little conversation. During one of those breaks she said, “I thought Twoey and Erik were not out”
“They aren’t, at least that I know of – why?”
“Well, you know one of my older brothers is gay, so I’m a little familiar with various stages of being out. Watching those two guys in the halls, you certainly would think they are totally out!”
“Really?”
“It sure looks that way to me. I’ll probably run it by Randy, but I don’t know if he sees much of them or not.”
That little item was certainly interesting. Knowing I would be in school next week, I decided I had to see it for myself. Anyway, I asked her to walk with me. Alex and I were able to walk a couple of blocks today. I’m getting stronger and more adept with crutches and didn’t even need to rest once. When we returned, it was time for dinner. Liz and Greg joined us today. It was nice seeing my sister. After she talked so frankly with me in the hospital, I was beginning to get warm feelings for her. Then I wondered if I should mention cheating Cal Jacobs to Greg. Finally, I decided he should know. As you realize, I’m not one to keep secrets. When I did mention it, he surprised me.
“I hope you don’t think poorly of me, but I’m through with involving myself in her love life. I should have taken Liz’s advice and never asked you that favor in the first place. When I found out how she used you to make Cal jealous, I had it out with her. I hope she understood all the trouble she caused. Even her friend Mel got mad at her because you got mad at Mel. That pissed Gary off big time, and now Mel feels horrible. So if she wants to keep going with that guy, let her.”
He said that right out loud at the dinner table and everyone was sort of stunned. Alex gave me a look, which meant I soon needed to do some explaining to her. Of course, she didn’t know anything at all about my two month long un-love affair from Hell. After that, things went along normally, Alex overtly flirting with a blushing Tommy. He ran off to his room right after dinner. The kid probably jacked off three times …haha. About a half hour after dinner, Alex’s brother picked her up. I went to my room to finish the few assignments she had brought.
I even had time for about an hour of meditation, to just relax and free myself from stress. Finally, it was time for bed. For about 2 seconds, I thought of calling Twoey, but only because I was worried. Realizing I needed to suck it up, I became determined to drive out from my brain the thought of ever calling him. I can never call him at night anymore, ever.
But I did call my girlfriend which required me to explain the entire Kathygate experience. I hate to admit it but Alex made me feel like an idiot! She kept asking questions I couldn’t answer. She asked variations of the same question probably ten times, at different parts of the story: That’s when you should have straightened her thinking, why didn’t you?
I never realized how passive I had been during that whole experience until I was under the glare of Alex’s questioning. She should definitely become a lawyer! I kept trying to explain that I thought things were going to end by themselves, but she seriously made me feel like a fool. Why does Alex even want me for a boyfriend?
Anyway, after that inquisition, she blew me a kiss. But I was so drained, I dropped into a deep, comfortable sleep, dreaming only of fucking fishes.
Twoey
It was weird. I thought a lot about David during school today. Before and after school Erik, as usual, dominated all my thoughts, but I had moments during some classes when nothing else was happening. That was when I found my mind drifting to him a lot. Deep inside me lived this funny feeling of slipping away from him and I didn’t like it. I mean, I understood he had Alex and I had Erik and I supposed it would be only natural for us to devote large chunks of our time and attention to our boy/girl friends, but I didn’t like this feeling – this feeling of disconnect. It feels like we are in a turbulent sea and we’re slowly drifting away from each other as the waves and currents tug at us. Wasn’t there a special connection between us? Shouldn’t the bond be like a line in that sea, keeping us no more than its length apart?
Did one of us let go of that rope? I didn’t think I had. I’m always asking Erik for us to visit. I didn’t think David had let go either. He has always been so warm and comfortable whenever we are together. But I felt something was definitely missing. I was thinking about it a lot today. During English, It occurred to me our glances used to join. He and I often lost the ability to speak when the spark of that look happened. I was beginning to think maybe that look was the lifeline. And now it’s gone. And I don’t like it, that it’s gone. But I don’t know how to get it back. Maybe when he returns to school next week it will be different. I’ll see him every day in a few classes. Maybe I can convince Erik to have us go back to the lunch table instead of going to Kory’s. The lunch table is where all the gang had so much give and take. I missed that too.
I began thinking, maybe I need to do something.
Lanni
Cal met me at my locker before school. He was really into a full court press today. He walked me to homeroom and kissed me on the cheek before I went in. This thing going on with us, I had to work it over in my mind. He had been fun to be with and I wasn’t sitting around alone and moping anymore. So that was the good part. On the other hand, I had to be on guard with him all the time. That led to the bad part.
If I took the good times but shut him down romantically, was that fair to him? I mean, the guy had been investing an awful lot of himself into me. I didn’t think for a minute he wanted a long term relationship, no matter what he said. I mean, I knew how he was with all the girls. That was simply his nature. Any girl committing herself to Cal would have to be an idiot.
So where was the balance? He reminded me a little of a hummingbird. I was thinking he would be my problem to ponder until he flitted away onto another flower. That was, until what happened after school today. And that was definitely not good. But, in truth, I had been warned.
Just before I left bio, Ben Dolson pulled me aside.
“Lanni, be careful of Cal.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he has a reputation.”
“I know he hits on all the girls. I see him do that.”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I think he has this goal of sleeping with every girl in school. He even puts a little notch on his bedpost when he gets one. Believe me, I’ve seen it. As soon as he gets his victory, he dumps her and moves on to the next. You’re too nice, Lanni. I don’t want you to be a one of Cal’s little notches.”
“Thanks Benny. I’ll be careful.”
I gave him a little thank-you kiss on the cheek and watched him turn crimson. Ben’s a cute guy.
Earlier that period, Cal and I had agreed to hit Kory’s after school. Once again, he didn’t walk me there, just met me there. That immediately made me suspicious. Two days in a row of not being seen leaving school with me. I’m not stupid. I saw red flags everywhere.
He slid into the booth next to me and kissed my cheek. We ordered and soon were eating. Cal had never stopped talking. I should have been taking notes. I think he tried nearly about every line he knew to get us together this weekend. One problem was, he never gave me a chance to answer. Like he expected a ‘no’ because I didn’t jump into his lap. He’d pause for a breath and then tear on to the next line of crap. I was thinking, God, does this stuff ever work with a girl?
Then he tried what appeared to be his ‘can’t miss’ approach. It was a good thing I didn’t have a weapon on me.
“You know, tomorrow night my parents and brothers will be gone. We’ll have the house all to ourselves. Why not drop by? I’ll even come get you, if you want.”
“What would we do in that big old house all to ourselves?” I was beginning to have fun now, or so I thought.
“Oh God, Lanni! You would have the thrill of your life. I’d show you what being loved by Cal is really like. But I warn you, once you get a piece of this hot rod, it’ll spoil you for life.”
At that point, he had the audacity to slip my hand into his groin and over his erection. Remembering what Ben said, I’d had about enough of this Cretan, so I gave him a squeeze, but slipped down to include his balls. He let out a funny noise as I slid out the other side of the booth.
“Sorry Cal, but that’s as close as your hot rod is ever going to get to me. Find someone else to fuck.”
I stormed out, but then slowed down and strolled on home, chuckling as I went.
Dear God, I asked, are the gay boys the only decent ones you put in this fucking town?
But then I thought of how cute Ben looked when he blushed. He is a nice boy who tried to warn me.
I uttered another prayer. Please God, don’t let Benny be gay!
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