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18 Weeks of Twoey - 113. Week Seventeen Monday, December 22, 2014: Needy
If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there
Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
***
Twoey stood in front of me, but I was facing his back. Come closer, he told me, although I could hear no voice. I did, and my erection rode into his butt-crack. It’s how I realized we were naked. Startled, I pushed him away, then turned. Soon our bodies were touching again, this time he was pressing into my rear. It’s when I heard his voice. The voice I used to hear when we communicated without talking, when he was almost dead. The voice was pleading. Don’t abandon me. Don’t leave me for the other boy.
I awoke, and was upset. It was an upsetting dream. I knew why. I’m not stupid. I knew what my subconscious was telling me. Did I have a choice to make? Should I throw Donny away, after all he’d done for me? I can’t be angry at Twoey for not being there for me. He was caught in Erik’s web, unable to get free. But Donny was there for me. It’s entirely possible I wouldn’t even be alive today if it weren’t for him. This was all too difficult for a Monday morning, especially this one.
I took a shower, removing my boot for the last time to do so, I hoped. I began to jack-off with no fantasy in mind. But it wasn’t long before I was fucking a boy in my mind. It wasn’t Twoey or Donny, but he was very muscular and seemed to be enjoying it. I fucked him harder until I spewed into his body – now the shower wall – just as he turned to reveal his face. It was David. I had fucked myself.
That was even more unsettling than the dream. Shit! I needed to rest following that little episode. After drying off, I selected a simple tee and old jeans to wear for the day. I wasn’t in a special mood, not after those two visions.
It was after nine by the time I made it downstairs for breakfast, so I had missed him. Aunt Sarah told me he’d be back from work in about an hour to take me to my appointment. I wasn’t quite sure why I was smiling so much this morning. Was it that Twoey had been extricated from Erik, that my boot was going to be getting the boot, or that I avoided eating breakfast with him? They were all good reasons to smile.
Surprisingly, Tommy wandered in.
“Whoah! Why up so early?”
“Don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting ready for the vacation.”
“Getting ready?”
He looked around, satisfied Aunt Sarah had left the kitchen. He leaned over to whisper.
“You know, being on our own and all. I’m definitely making plans.”
I was about to question what he meant, but a text arrived. It was a text from Donny, so I read it right away.
“Ready to be free?”
“Like you can’t believe.”
“There’s a place near the hospital where we can celebrate after your appointment. Let’s meet there.”
“Sounds great. Where?”
“My house.”
“O?”
“I promise I won’t attack you. My mother’s home anyway. It’s just to get together. I haven’t seen you since way last Saturday.”
“It’s only Monday morning.”
“Yeah, I’m needy.”
“So we just sit and talk?”
“Can’t rule out a random kiss. Told you I was needy.”
“OK. See you there.”
“YAY!”
I checked the clock. Dammit! There wasn’t much time and now I had a boner.
I told Tommy I’d see him later and scooted upstairs as I heard him chuckle and call after me.
“Take care of that thing before you see the doctor!”
Fucker wasn’t funny! Hehe ...yes he was. Anyway, my lateness killed the boner. I hurriedly changed all my clothes to something more ...fitting for Donny to see. I got back downstairs just as he returned from work to drive me to the hospital. One final set of X-rays and the doctor declared me healed ...mostly.
“Just don’t put much strain on the finger or leg. Don't start running again for at least another month, and never if it’s icy out. Same thing with your workouts. Stick with core stuff for about a month. By February you should be pretty bullet-proof.” He laughed as he patted my shoulder.
OMG everything felt so good. I had full use of both hands and now I could wear matching shoes too. I did just that, because I had the foresight to bring the left one along in my backpack. Tommy’s father was smiling too. I told him that he didn’t need to drive me home because I was going to spend a little time with some friends. Naturally, he didn’t bother asking who. So, naturally, I didn’t have to lie to him.
The leg felt surprisingly good on my walk to Donny’s house. I could feel it was a little weaker, but I was sure it was from babying it so much. I was confident the muscles would come back as strong as ever. Now that I had a future, I should probably walk a little more. I was so glad Ginny and I had that little discussion yesterday. I can’t believe I thought the Syracuse clinic, where they were going to help me regain my memories, was some kind of asylum.
Donny was sitting on his front steps. I sat down next to him. He gave me a quick kiss, then blushed.
I scolded him. “Not very much self-control.”
“Needy.”
Then we both laughed.
“Yesterday, I talked to my friend’s mother, who’s some kind of psychologist. She told me that place Keating was sending me isn’t a crazy farm.”
“You didn’t really think that, did you?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Ouch! No wonder you seemed so depressed Friday night.”
“Is that the reason you blew me?”
“No. I did that because I wanted to. I wanted the taste of you on my lips.”
We smiled at each other.
“Can’t we go inside? It’s a little chilly.”
“Oh, sure. But it feels good in the sun, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s not so cold as other winters. I wonder if the whole winter will be like this.”
“Like the weather, or like us, together?” He smiled again, as we got up. Once inside, we removed our jackets and he brushed his hand over my shirt.
“Nice shirt, I like it.”
“Um, that’s not my shirt.” Donny had dropped his hand onto my getting-erect tool.
“I like your pants too.”
That’s when I brushed his hand away, adjusted myself, and went into the family room to greet his mother. I heard him whisper, “Needy” as I tried to hold it together.
“Oh look, David, you’re all free of that stuff clinging to you.” With Herculean effort, I maintained a steady smile on my face.
“Yes, I just got a release in the hospital.” Donny snickered, behind me.
“Well, you boys go off and play or something, but please stay for lunch.”
“Sure. Thank you.”
Donny broke us away, smiling at his mother. “Just call us whenever it’s ready. David and I will go play now.”
I giggled all the way to his room.
I looked at him and asked, “Should we play baseball or football?” Donny answered with a kiss, which he escalated as his tongue invaded my mouth.
He pulled out just long enough to say, “Hockey.” We were back at it until I broke the kiss, and then tried to calm us down.
“I don’t think we should get so out of control right now. You promised!”
Donny smiled at me and shrugged in agreement, I think. Anyway, we sat on his bed, but our legs were touching.
“What are your plans for the vacation?” He looked hopeful.
“Tomorrow, I need to shop for the silly gifts.”
“Silly gifts?”
“Yes, silly gifts. It’s a tradition in our gang. We try to buy the most outlandish gifts for each other. I usually visit each guy’s house and we exchange them. Sometimes they get together, but if they can’t, I become the Santa Claus, because I visit everyone. So anyway, I’ll buy them tomorrow in some of the little junk shops downtown.”
“That sounds like fun! Can I come with you?”
“Sure! We seem to have fun shopping; at least we did in Syracuse.”
That earned me another kiss and a hand rubbing my crotch. At exactly that moment, his mother called us to lunch. Donny chuckled as I had to adjust myself before we went into the kitchen. Pauley was there but not Barbara. I thought, if she’s with Tommy, I hope he’s careful. Donny sat next to me, with Pauley opposite. Donny was the Devil throughout lunch. Eating his food with sexy gestures and rubbing his leg against mine, he assured I had a raging boner by the time we finished. He was disappointed when I said I had to leave after lunch. He tried to get me to stay and play some more, but I needed to make one serious stop after his house, and so I got myself to the door after some strategic readjusting.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take care of things for you? It’ll only take a few minutes in my room.”
“No! I really need to go.”
“Will you text me tomorrow before you go shopping? We can meet at Timmy’s or something.”
“I promise.”
That didn’t stop Donny from blocking me when I went in the closet for my coat. I guess the price to get out was another kiss. I paid, of course.
My destination was Twoey’s house. Yesterday at Sam’s was not enough. There was stuff we two had to talk about. Thankfully, all vestiges of my Donny-inspired boner were gone by the time I arrived. It felt good to be walking normally again.
“Oh yes! It’s you.” That was how Twoey greeted me when he opened the door.
“Hi, to you too.”
I entered and met Ginny coming out of her office. She had a bright smile and greeted me with a hug that was more than a hug of greeting. It was one of reassurance. I did a little fake tap dance with my unencumbered foot.
“I’m free!”
“How does it feel?”
“Great. I just came from the hospital. Well, I had lunch first.”
Twoey grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. “We’re going to my room for a while, Mom.”
I looked at Ginny. “I think Twoey and I need to have a talk.”
He shut the door as I sat on his bed. He sat next to me. I spoke first.
“Before we talk about things, can we talk about Erik? I’ll understand if you’re not ready, but I’m so puzzled over so many things.”
“Yes. I can talk with you about it. You’re probably the only one I can discuss this with though. There’s stuff I can’t even tell Mom yet.”
“Did he ever hit you or hurt you, aside from that slap?”
“No. He did start pushing me, you know, to leave a place if he wanted to go.”
“You let him do that?”
“Well, if I complained, he would apologize and tell me he was in a rush to get in some make-out time, or something. He always seemed to have a reward at the end, and made it sound like he was eager, and that I should be too.”
“So most of the time he was nice to you?”
“Yes. Way back in the beginning, I had told him I had a rough coming-out in Syracuse. I never gave him any particulars back then. After that, any time I wanted us to do something that involved friends, he tried to convince me they would treat me in the same way that I was in Syracuse, if they knew I was gay.”
“But you two already came out to Alex and me. Did we treat you badly?”
“No, of course not. Erik tried to convince both Mom and me that you and Alex were staying away from us because we were a gay couple.”
“Twoey, it was Erik who was keeping you away from us, and all your friends.”
“I know that now. He knew my weakness was my bad experience in Syracuse, and he used it to manipulate me. I had a long talk with Mom, and she explained quite a bit about abusive relationships. He wasn’t quite there yet, but probably in another month, he would have had me trapped. My angel saved me again.” Twoey planted a kiss on my lips.
I smiled but backed away a little. I honestly did not know how to handle Twoey at that moment. I was confused. I also remembered my dream, which didn’t help. So I continued.
“Well, it was more than only me who noticed. Are you still going through with the party on the twenty-seventh?”
“No. That is, not on that day. Mom won’t be leaving until the afternoon, and there is no way we can get everything ready without her noticing. So I’ve moved it to the next day, Sunday the twenty-eighth. I’ve talked to Sam, and he can get a DJ. It’s going to be a great party. From the few people I’ve contacted so far, I guess everyone was just itching for a party, so it’ll be epic. Deena and I are still working out the details.”
“I can’t believe Erik convinced you no one cared about you.”
“He never convinced me, but he was always probing for something else he could defend me from. Every time he could defend me was another thing I had to rely on him for. Mom explained that very well to me. I understand a lot about it now. I never told Mom, but I think it all began with my sexual naïveté. As my sexual guru, he immediately gained creds in my eyes, and he went from there.”
All this made me think of Donny. Was he my sexual guru? Whether he was or wasn’t, I didn’t think control was on his agenda. The poor kid had so little himself. He was needy. I tried very hard to keep a straight face as our little chat continued.
“So, David, you mentioned therapy sessions. Can you talk about them? Would it help? I’ll understand if you don’t want to. It is private, after all.”
“I was sexually abused.”
“What?! When? Who did it?”
“As far as we can determine, it was probably Burch and it was when I was six or seven.”
“You knew Burch?”
“Yes and no. Apparently I knew him then, but I had repressed all my childhood memories. I didn’t know that I had known him when he became my teacher. But I always hated him. I’m thinking my subconscious mind didn’t forget who he was and tried to protect me from him.”
“But he would have known who you were.”
“I’m sure he did. He must have realized I didn’t remember him.”
“What did he do to you?”
“We’re not completely sure, because I have no memory. From dreams and flashbacks, we think he rubbed me to erection. Anything else is unknown so far. Dr. Keating is sending me to a clinic after New Years, one that specializes in revealing repressed memories. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to handle it when I do remember.”
Twoey hugged me but, after a minute, I broke away and continued.
“It all came out because I had negative reactions to certain intimate actions. I even pushed Alex away when she was my girlfriend. I guess things were starting to break out of their sealed compartments in my head. I got headaches from it too. I even collapsed at Sam’s.”
“Yeah, I remember you called me. I even told Mom.”
“And then she told Keating and I almost stopped seeing him because I thought people were talking about me behind my back. To be honest, I have no recollection of calling you about that. It’s how bad I was.”
“But you never had that reaction when you kissed me.”
“You forgot my hospital coffee runs?”
“Is that what they were all about?”
“I think so, now that I put it all in perspective.”
“And the hello and goodbye kisses?”
“They were non-emotional kisses.”
Twoey became quiet and looked at me for a long time. His eyes started to fill up.
“They were emotional kisses to me. Everything I do with you is emotional to me”
“I didn’t word that right. They were not sexually threatening to me. I enjoyed the kisses as well, Twoey. They did mean something to me. You mean something to me.”
“What do I mean to you?”
“What do you want to mean to me?”
“David, that’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
We sat there, side by side, within a kiss of each other. Would Twoey kiss me? Would I kiss him?
“I guess I should be going now.”
I slowly walked to his door and began to open it. Twoey remained on his bed. I turned to look at him and saw that his beautiful green eyes were ready to overflow with tears.
Walking back across to him, I held is head in my hands and sat down beside him again. I touched each eyelid with a kiss. Twoey was in my arms, crying into my shoulder.
“Don’t ever think you don’t mean anything to me. I will always love you, Twoey.” He squeezed me tighter.
After everything he’d been through, I realized Twoey needed some stability right now. I needed to walk a fine line. I knew I needed to not build his hopes for something I may not be able to give him. My problem was that I simply did not know how to do it. I was winging it, and this boy in my arms needed someone with a plan. For once in my life, I had no plan.
I stood and held his hand, pulling him up. We went back downstairs and to the front door. I called goodbye to Ginny who answered from her office. Then I softly kissed Twoey goodbye. I tried not to put too much into the kiss. I’m not sure how successful I was, or could ever hope to be, walking this fine line. I had a somber walk home, trying to think of any way at all to resolve all this.
Aunt Sarah greeted me when I got home. I tried to put on a happy face, showing off my freed limbs. I went up to my room and sat on my bed, staring off into space for, I don’t know how long. Tommy snapped me out of it by telling me it was time to go downstairs to eat.
Dinner was a little strange. I think Aunt Sarah and Tommy’s father wanted to ask about Alex, since she used to be around and ate with us so often, and today there was no school. Tommy knew, of course, but seemed nervous about it too for some reason. I figured what the hell! So I unloaded.
“Alex and I broke up, but we’re still friends. In fact, I think she might stop by on Christmas day.” OK ...I got that out of the way.
They were like still staring at me. Shit!
“Look, I know you had the wedding all planned out, but we knew it wasn’t right, both of us. It was a very friendly breakup. We’re both fine …Really! We love each other; we’re just not in love with each other. Stop being so concerned.”
Finally, the conversation got back to normal and I discovered a few things. I guess I’d been out every night and eating at Kory’s too much, because I missed out on a lot of news and plans. It seemed Liz will be gone, from this Friday, for a week-long trip to NYC with Greg! I immediately wondered if they would come back married. It was really very possible. Liz didn’t go in for things like big weddings. The more I thought about it, while quietly chewing my food, the more I was sure that’s what was gonna happen! I was happy. I always knew Greg was going to be my brother-in-law and I actually couldn’t wait. I wondered where they would live.
Then the shocker! Tommy’s father and Aunt Sarah will be away for the same week, visiting Grampa. I guess they decided to drive down behind Liz. I was to be responsible for keeping an eye on Tommy, but they said they really trusted us both. They’d leave us enough money to have pizza delivered or eat out, if we didn’t mooch off friends. Of course, if there were a problem with the house we couldn’t handle, Mr. Galli is only two doors away, and I was sure he would be keeping his eye on us!
The shocker wasn’t that they’d leave us alone. Tommy and I weren’t gonna throw any wild parties or do drugs or any of that shit. The shocker was the fact the dates coincide with Liz’s trip and they were all going to be in New York. Haha ...Wedding FOR SURE! I was a little miffed that they didn’t think to invite me to the wedding, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood.
I only needed to do one more thing to make absolutely certain. I texted Nels to ask what he and his family were gonna be doing over the break. He said that he and Lauri were doing Christmas Eve at his house, and he expected me over to exchange our ‘valuable’ presents. Then he said Suzie and her boyfriend Todd were going to spend from Sunday through New Years in NYC. Now I was positive. Liz would never get married without her best friend there.
Later that night, I called Donny. Thoughts of Donny were tugging at me. It was soothing to talk to him.
Before sleep hit me, I was surprised to get a call from Twoey. He wished me goodnight. So I wished him goodnight, but I kept as much emotion as I could out of it.
More guilt, I've seriously got to sort this all out.
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