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18 Weeks of Twoey - 112. Week Sixteen Sunday, December 21, 2014: Erik’s Swan Song
You’re telling them the current truth.... Truth is an artifact of the present. It’s time that changes.
The Bend of the World - Jacob Bacharach
***
I hardly slept at all last night. My best friend was telling me my boyfriend was trying to isolate me and would ultimately become abusive. And he did hit me, even though I might have driven him to snapping. And he has been sorta physically pushing me and steering me ...a little. Mike told me David saw it too. But the worst thing he said was that my boyfriend was trying to 'out' me to the whole school so I would be totally dependent on him, without any friends. That sounded so preposterous until about 3 AM when I remembered the guys in English giving me grief and calling me a fag, and we have heard some assholes in the hall, and the kid in the parking lot that Erik took care of. Anyway, I sort of saw his point, but wasn’t 100% sure.
Add to that, Mom had a short talk with me last night. She said I had appeared so happy and content that she was really surprised to hear of all this other stuff. She could see I was upset and told me to sleep on it and we’d have a discussion in the morning. So I was sort of dreading that too.
Just before finally falling asleep, near dawn, I knew Mom and I were going to have a confrontational talk. Especially since Mom believed Mike, I think.
I woke up less than two hours later and decided to get out of bed. It was Sunday and there was no more school. I knew I could always take a nap later, if I needed it. After a bracing shower, I threw on basketball shorts and a tee. I padded barefoot into the kitchen, deciding to have a cup of coffee with Mom and get this all over with. Having a cup of coffee always reminded me of David in the hospital ...hehe.
I took a long sip, put my cup down, and made eye contact.
“OK. You didn’t say too much to me last night, even though I could tell you were bursting with advice. I guess I’m ready to listen.”
Mom patted the top of my hand. She had a worried look on her face. I don’t think she slept too well last night either.
“I knew you needed some time to think over and digest everything that happened. Now tell me in your own words. Did Erik actually strike you?”
“Well, sort of. I was trying to convince him to take us to Syracuse, you know, like he did yesterday. First he wanted to, but when I told him we’d meet Mike, he changed his mind. So anyway, I was giving him all these reasons to go. He tried to interrupt me a few times, but I talked right over him and, finally, he slapped me. I think it was just to get my attention.”
She stared at me for a long time.
“When did this happen?”
“Wednesday.”
“And you didn’t think it was important enough to tell me?”
“Well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt me, just get my attention.”
“What did he slap?”
“Mmm, my face.”
“Twoey, where is your sense? You might slap a two-year-old to get his attention, though NEVER in the face. Is that what you think you are – a two-year-old who can’t think and needs to be slapped to focus?”
“I never thought about it like that.”
“Well, honey, that is exactly the way you have to think about it! When you left here with him Friday, he pushed you out the door. I thought he was a little too physical, but I know boys shove each other like that when they’re in a hurry. He didn’t seem angry or anything. Is there something about pushing I don’t know?”
“He has been sort of pushing me to go and do things a little. I’ve asked him why, but he just says things like ‘we were wasting too much time’ and stuff. He’s never really pushed me too hard, except in Syracuse. He hurt my shoulder, a bit, when he pulled me up to leave. That’s what Mike and Alan saw, and why they did what they did. I didn’t like that yank very much.”
“What do you intend to do?”
“I don’t think we can leave it like this. I mean, I’ll need to sit down with him and make a decision. He’s either got to change or we need to split.”
“Do you think there is ever any room in a relationship for hitting your partner?”
“Shouldn’t I let him explain? He was really upset with himself when he did it.”
“I don’t want you to be alone with him when you make this decision. Either do it here, with me nearby, or do it with a friend present. Maybe have Gary or David there. I know they’d agree.”
“OK. I guess you’re right. Are we going to have breakfast?”
She chuckled. “You must be feeling a little better. I’ll prepare something. Maybe you should give him a call to set up a meeting?”
“I think I’ll let him take that step. I’ll go in the living room to think.”
And so I took another cup of coffee into the living room, sat down and began to work this all out. I really didn’t tell Mom the full extent that he’s been physically pushing me around. She’d have flipped. But I also knew it was an important consideration. So, I needed to consider what Erik really was to me. He was my first, and almost only, lover. He introduced me to virtually every part of sex that I have experienced. Matty let me fuck him and we had a few blowjobs in the bleachers. Anyway, Matty wasn’t ever going to be about love, just sex. Danny was dead. David was straight and had a girlfriend now. So it was Erik or nobody. He was the only game in town.
That was who Erik was to me, but what was I to Erik? Was I just a convenient fuck, or was he totally invested in me? There was obviously no one else, because he spent all his time with me. Was it that he was insecure? Was that why he was afraid to leave me alone with my friends? Was he jealous of David? Afraid he’d sneak into my life and steal me away from him? Fear and insecurity do make people a little paranoid sometimes. I sure as hell knew that first-hand. So I was thinking, in the back of my head, that maybe Mike merely saw that paranoia at work yesterday, and jumped to the wrong conclusion. Anyway, it was a sobering thought.
If I broke it off with Erik, I would be alone. I could probably get all the sex I wanted from Matty and whoever was in his little club, but I wanted someone to love. I wanted someone to hug, to cry to when I hurt, to laugh with when I was happy. I needed that. I needed a boyfriend who loved me as much as I loved him. Was that Erik? Mom said there was no room in a relationship for hitting you partner. Who else, besides David, had I ever been comfortable with. Who else, besides David, had I ever felt love from? In fact, who, besides David, had ever made me feel the way David made me feel. If I broke up with Erik, would I simply pine away the rest of my life for the straight boy? What kind of life would that be to look forward to?
I was startled out of my reverie by the sight of a black mustang pulling into the driveway.
“Mom! Erik’s here. What should I do?”
“Invite him into the kitchen, but do not leave here with him alone. I think you need to work this out with him. But do not do it alone.”
He lightly rapped on the door. I waited a beat or two, then slowly opened it part-way.
“Erik – Hi.”
“We need to talk.”
“Yes, I’m sure we do. Come into the kitchen.”
I opened the door the rest of the way. He entered and followed me into the kitchen as I said, “We were just about to eat. Join us.”
“Hi Ginny. Well, I was actually going to take Twoey out for breakfast this morning.”
But Mom was insistent we stay. She acted all cool – how does she do that? – explaining she already made all the food. So Erik reluctantly sat down. Mom filled our plates and I put them on the table, then sat down too. We started breakfast but Erik still hadn’t really spoken. While we were eating, my phone rang. I looked and saw it was Gary, so I quickly answered.
“Hey, Gary! Good morning. Look, we’re just sitting down to breakfast. I’ll call you back in about a half-hour.”
When I put it down and went back to my food, I looked up to see Erik glaring at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why is your phone on?”
Mom gave him a curious look, but I was ready with the answer Mike gave me last night. God bless my best friend!
“Isn’t your phone on?”
He paused, probably thinking. “Well ...yes, but that’s different.”
“Oh? Exactly how is it different?”
Erik paused again, then spoke.
“Well, I’m not going to be getting calls from fake friends. I’m only getting calls from you.”
“Gary’s not a fake friend. He’s a good friend.”
“Just wait until he finds out you’re gay. He’ll drop you as fast as that bastard from Syracuse did.”
I smirked, remembering Gary’s warm reassurances from yesterday.
“Gary knows I’m gay and doesn’t seem to have any problem with it at all. In fact none of my friends do.”
“You came out to Gary?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I did. Mike and I were there yesterday afternoon having a nice discussion. Gary explained my friends always would have my back. When I was a little hesitant, he reassured me that it was what friends do, especially the gang.”
Erik began fidgeting and was getting a little angry. I could always tell because his ears would get a little red.
“I see what they’re up to. They’re poisoning your mind against me! Can’t you see that’s what they’re trying to do? Are you that dumb?”
That’s when things started to get a little out of hand. He abruptly got up, throwing down his silverware. He came over and started to pull me out of my chair.
“Come with me, we gotta have a little talk.”
Mom stood up, furious, and came around the table.
“Take your hands off him! This is unacceptable!”
Then he gave her a little push. It wasn’t much, BUT HE PUSHED MOM!!!
That did it. It was the final straw! I pulled away and yelled at him.
“Get out of here! We’re nothing anymore. I don’t want to ever speak to you again!!”
He glared at me for a moment, then started for the door, with me only two steps behind. When he angrily ripped the door open, he swung around and pointed at me. “This isn’t over! You’re going to regret it, Twoey! You’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life!!”
He stormed out, leaving the door wide open, got into his car, backed out and roared away. I slowly shut the door, and then fell back, leaning heavily onto it. My mind was reeling! I was hyperventilating. Mom came in to hold me – told me to sit down. When I did, she pushed my head between my legs for a few minutes. That was good, because I was able to realign all my rattled nerves. I went from feeling sorry for myself to feeling anger toward Erik.
The only certainty was, I was single.
I immediately called Gary and relayed to him every detail of this morning, except for the threat. He asked me to hang up for a minute while he made a call. After a short while, he called back and said he’d be right over. About five minutes later, David and Gary were at my door.
“Hi Ginny! What’s going on here? Gary only told me it was something urgent.” David gave Mom a tight hug, but he was staring at me with worried look.
Mom walked everyone into the living room and turned to me.
“Perhaps you should explain everything to David? Start with Wednesday. Don’t forget the threat. I noticed you didn’t tell Gary about Erik’s threat.”
Well that sure as hell got Gary’s attention fast enough!
“Wait! I know all the other stuff. What threat is your mom talking about?”
“When I threw him out this morning, he yelled at me that it wasn’t over. He said I’d regret it – that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“OK Twoey. You tell David everything you told me last night. I need to step out for a minute and make a call.”
Gary slipped outside, onto the front stoop, while David gave me a questioning look. He put his warm hand on my shoulder and I was immediately relaxed. God, if he only knew what he did to me!
“Wait, Twoey. Why were you at Gary’s last night? Start there.”
“Erik took me to Syracuse yesterday to do some shopping and to meet Mike and Alan. While I was getting him introduced, he sort of took a verbal swipe at Mike about, you know, what he did to me last year when I came out to him.”
“How the hell did Erik find out about that?”
“I inadvertently told him when I was trying to convince him to make the trip. I had to explain who Mike was, and all.”
“OK, I guess. But that’s pretty private stuff, and it was all in the past. You should never have told Erik. So what happened after he took his little shot?”
“Well, Mike manned up, saying it wasn’t his finest hour, or something. But Erik wouldn’t leave it alone and continued to dis Mike.”
“Alan didn’t rip his head off?”
“I’m sure it was going through his mind, especially when Mike told me to come shopping with him and wanted to send Erik off with Alan. Erik didn’t want that.”
“Haha ...I’ll bet not. He probably thought he might never return!”
“Well, anyway, Erik roughly pulled me off the bench and said we were leaving.”
“Roughly?”
“Um, yeah. Like in almost dislocating my shoulder roughly.” I heard Mom gasp and knew I wouldn’t ever hear the end of not telling her the full extent of his yank.
“Oh-oh.”
“Exactly. Alan was on him so fast, my head was spinning. They pushed him into his car, while he was cursing and threatening, and sent him home. That’s when Mike asked if Erik ever hit me.”
“Hit you?!”
“Well, I didn’t say anything, but Mike has always been able to read my mind.”
David was balling his fists as he looked at me incredulously.
“ERIK HIT YOU?!”
“Well, he slapped me Wednesday, when I was trying to convince him to go to Syracuse with me.”
David’s face was purple! He swung around at ran for the door, which must have been awkward for him, with the boot on his left foot. But he didn’t get far. Gary was just coming back in, when he caught David’s right arm.
“Hold on there, Superman! Where the fuck do you think you’re going? Sorry Ginny.” Gary turned red when he realized what he said, but his grip on David didn’t lessen.
“I’m gonna kill that fucker! Sorry Ginny.”
Now let me tell you, David is bigger than Gary and, holy shit, I could see huge muscles on him as his shirt was pulled tight against his body. Where the hell did they come from? But he never tried to overpower his friend. Instead he stopped dead in his tracks. Gary was right next to him, his mouth about on level with David’s impressive shoulder. They were whispering. I only heard the odd word. Gary uttered a strange combination of words.
“... taken care of ... Mel ... owed ... favor ... convince ...”
David calmed right down and whispered to Gary. That I heard distinctly.
“I won’t ask the question I shouldn’t know the answer to.”
David pulled out his phone and made a call. It was to Sam. They talked for only a few minutes. While he was doing that, Gary came over to tell me not to worry about Erik’s threats. But before I could quiz him about that, David had put his phone away and came over to Mom.
“We’re abducting your son ...hehe. Don’t worry, I’m only taking him to Sam’s. We’ll get his head screwed on straight. Sam’s there with his girlfriend Deena. She’s a good clear thinker.”
Mom smiled and waved us off with her hands, but reminded me to put some clothes on. I was glad to get away from her. Maybe she’d forget to ream my ass about not telling her how hard Erik pulled me in Syracuse. Yeah, sure! As I was going to my room, I heard David ask Mom about something she must have told his shrink.
When I came back down, he was in her arms and Gary was rubbing his back. I got the impression David had been crying. As we got ready to leave, I gave him a questioning look, but David just shook his head. When we passed Cherry street, Gary peeled off.
“You guys have everything under control. I have a date with Mel, so I’d better get along.”
Then David did the strangest thing. He hugged Gary and gave him a kiss on each cheek. Soon we were on Sam’s porch, being invited in. It was good to see Deena again. I didn’t think I’d seen her since the dance. We sat around the living room talking. Once, I expressed surprise at learning some little bit of gossip that everyone else knew. At that moment I realized how truly isolated I had been. All news had been blocked. Erik sure did a number on me. What a stupid lovesick fool I had been. I sort of expressed that very thought to the group. Deena immediately began to give me all the news I had missed. She must have had a photographic memory! One piece of news stunned me.
“Lanni has a boyfriend? Who is this Benny? He’d better be a good guy!”
Here I was, a gay boy, getting protective over a girl with her boyfriend. Don’t think the irony escaped me! Anyway, David assured me Benny Dolson was the best. And that’s what Lanni deserved, the best. I was only sorry I couldn’t be that for her. Deena asked David about his new church.
“I like it a lot. The pastor is great and this morning’s sermon was about acceptance.”
I jolted up. “You went to church this morning?”
“Sure. I went last week too. Aunt Sarah got me into it. It’s a UCC church and makes me feel uplifted, so far anyway. Although Tommy was a little out of sorts this morning.”
“Doesn’t he like the church?”
“Yes, he likes it a lot. He was just a little weird this morning when I introduced him to a friend who sat with us. It was like he didn’t like the guy, although he hadn’t met him before. Anyway, Tommy’s future girlfriend goes to the same church, so I’m sure he’ll be sitting in her pew from now on.”
“Is this guy someone I know?”
“No. It’s some kid on Gary’s swim team. He introduced me a few meets ago. But then I found out he was a member of our church. Small world, but then, it’s a small town. Speaking of coincidences, guess where I was all yesterday afternoon?”
“In Syracuse, shopping at the mall.”
“How did you know? Mike had texted me that you were going to meet him there. I spent all afternoon shopping and keeping my eye out for you.”
“Mike and Alan brought me over to see you yesterday. Your Aunt told us where you were. We never made it inside the mall anyway, so you would never have seen me. Now explain how you shopped for Alex with her by your side.”
Suddenly the room grew dead silent.
“What? What’s wrong?”
It was Deena who spoke.
“David and Alex broke up last week.”
“What? Are you shitting me?”
“Language, Twoey!” Sam’s mother came in with a whole tray full of snacks and glasses of milk.
“Oops. Sorry!” Then I looked at David. “What happened?”
“I realized I wasn’t in love with her.”
My heart started thumping. No, this couldn’t possibly be! I wasn’t that lucky. Why did he do this to me? I looked down at my socks and quietly spoke.
“That’s sad to hear, David. I’m taking up all of your time, feeling sorry for myself, when you’re going through it too. I’m so sorry.”
He leaned into me, put his hand over my shoulder, and told me our situations were nothing alike. Why did he do this to me? The situation was getting too sticky. How could he be holding me like that? What was I going to do? Finally Deena freed me from my paralysis.
“Twoey, I’ve got it! You need to throw a party!”
“A party?”
“Yes, a party! Everyone is looking for a party anyway. What you have to do is throw a Breaking-Up party for all your friends. That will re-establish your friendship with anybody Erik tried to push away. It will give you tons of work to plan and set it up. We’ll all help. But the most important thing is you’ll be so involved, you won’t have any time to feel sorry for yourself!”
Suddenly my eyes must have brightened. I sat right up.
“Deena! What a fantastic idea! I’ll need to work on an invitation list and send them all texts. My mom is going to be on a new-book speaking tour from December 27th to January 3rd. I’ll throw the party on Saturday, the 27th! But don't tell her – Jesus!!!”
We spent the rest of the afternoon there, batting ideas around, and generally being friends, again. I felt so much better by the time Sam’s mom asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. David and I both said we had to leave. We knew we had bothered the two lovebirds long enough. On the walk back, I asked David what Gary meant when he told me not to worry about Erik’s threats.
“Gary took care of it, don’t worry about it.”
“What do you mean, ‘took care of it?’ How can he make Erik change his mind?”
“Look, Twoey, you really don’t want to know the details. Trust me. Erik is going to get a visit from a few friends who will persuade him to forget all about the threats and also leave you alone. In fact, he’ll probably walk down another hall if he sees you in school.”
“They’re not going to hurt him, are they?”
“No, nothing like that. They can be pretty persuasive without violence. He’s just lucky Gary stopped me. Violence was definitely on the agenda in my mind.”
“So, did you go to Syracuse with your brother?”
“No. It was that guy I mentioned. The one Tommy sorta didn’t like.”
“You went shopping with a guy?”
“Yeah. Well, I think he was just trying to get my mind off the therapy sessions I’ve been having all week.”
“He talks to you about your therapy sessions?! Some stranger you just met?”
“Well he’s no stranger, I’ve known him for a few weeks.”
“While you were still going with Alex?”
“Yeah, I think so. Anyway it doesn’t matter. They have nothing to do with each other.”
When we got to Cherry Street, I thought we would split, but he walked with me the block to my house. He came in and hugged Mom again. Then he hugged me and (gasp) gave me a goodbye kiss!
OMFG
Later, I was trying to make sense of this guy who suddenly popped into David’s life. He was close enough to talk about his therapy sessions. That didn’t sound like David at all. Then they spent the whole day together in Syracuse. I was surprised when he called me at eleven to wish me goodnight.
Oh God! Don’t taunt me like this!
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