18 Weeks of Twoey - 117. Week Seventeen Friday, December 26, 2014: Meltdown on Ice

What potions have I drunk of Siren tears,
Distill'd from lymbecks foul as hell within,
Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears,
Still losing when I saw myself to win!
What wretched errors hath my heart committed,
Whilst it hath thought itself so blessed never!
How have mine eyes out of their spheres been fitted
In the distraction of this madding fever!
O benefit of ill! now I find true
That better is by evil still made better;
And ruin'd love, when it is built anew,
Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.
So I return rebuk'd to my content,
And gain by ills thrice more than I have spent.

Sonnet 119 - WS

***

Twoey was pacing back and forth in my bedroom. I could sense his anger building. Why did I tell him? I thought my honesty would count for something, but obviously, with Twoey it didn’t. Maybe he had been with Erik too long and that snake’s bad habits rubbed off on him. Finally, he stopped and turned to face me, his green eyes blazing and his fists clenched at his side.

“You filthy piece of shit! You fucked Donny? Really? Is that all you thought about me? Just run off and fuck the first boy who comes along? What about our connection? What about our commitment? To think, I’ve wasted my time worrying about you! You really need to be out of my life. And I mean forever!”

“No! Please Twoey, forgive me. It’s you I want. It’s you I need!”

Twoey pulled out long box-cutter.

“Here – end it now. You don’t deserve to go on living. Just end it now.”

I broke down into heaving sobs. My head was splitting! I was rolling around on the floor in front of Twoey, which slowly morphed into my bed. I was still sobbing. I still had a killer headache. But I was awake now. Crap! It was another Twoey nightmare.

Did you ever wake up with a severe headache? It’s like the whole world has ganged up on you and never even let you get any foothold on the day! On top of that, there was all this loud noise and talking downstairs. My former family must have been leaving and everyone was talking at once.

I decided I might as well get up and take a shower. Maybe that would help with my throbbing head. But it didn’t.

I went downstairs to discover that Greg and Liz and Aunt Sarah and Tommy’s father were all talking and bringing luggage out. They were so fucking noisy I thought my head was going to burst in half. Finally, thankfully, it was time for them to leave. They gave me money and instructions about calling Mr. Galli if we had any questions or problems and blah, blah, blah. All I could think about was wishing them all the hell out of my life! Anyway, Tommy was being the perfect little brother and answering them in all the perfect good-son ways. At least he had relieved me of that dishonest little chore.

I thanked Zeus when they were finally gone. If I had a goat, I probably would have made a sacrifice to him. At least it became a lot quieter. Tommy ran back up to his room while I sat down to some cereal. I was only able to eat a single spoonful. I knew if I took one more bite, I would puke. I dumped out my bowl, grabbed a cup of coffee and went back up to my own room. My phone was chirping.

Great, it was a text from Donny.

< Let’s go to the rink today - call me. >

Because he made me fuck him, he owns me now? Nobody owns David.

“Hey, it’s me. I don’t know if I wanna be around all that noise, I have a major headache this morning.”

“Did you start the vodka without me?”

“Hehe ...No! Look, I’m sorta stressed and this fucking headache came on during Christmas day and hasn’t gotten any better.”

“Well, come with me to the rink! It’ll help get rid of your stress!”

“I’m not sure it works like that...hehe”

“C’mon David! I guarantee I will get rid of your stress – I promise – and I know how that works!”

Shit. I couldn’t continue arguing in my condition. I could hardly even think. So I caved. “OK ...when?”

“Fuck yeah! Um ...how about 1:30? It gives you time to take an ibuprofen and a nap.”

“OK, I’ll meet you there.”

“You bet your sweet ass! And speaking of asses – dress sexy for me?”

“Bye, Donny!”

That woman never kept any kind of drugs in the house because Jesus was supposed to cure us. I got on my newly repaired bike, for the first time since my exorcism, and made a bonzai run to the drug store. I wasn’t sure which would work best, so I picked up bottles of Tylenol, Advil and a few other things whose labels said were good for headaches.

Once back home, I tossed three Advil down with a big glass of water and slipped into bed for a nap. I wasn’t sure I could fall asleep again, but I did. In fact, I didn’t wake up until about 1:00! I still had the fucking headache though, but it was a little less intense. I shot Donny a text saying I just woke up and would probably be a few minutes late, then grabbed another shower. I always felt better smelling clean.

Before I brushed my teeth, I remembered Donny’s vodka and thought maybe it would blunt this throbbing in my head. I didn’t want to get drunk, so I tied a towel around my waist and went downstairs to get some ginger ale to dilute it. Tommy, the little shit, gave me a wolf-whistle. Back in my room, I filled half a small glass with ginger ale and the other half with Donny’s vodka, tossed two more Advil in my mouth and drank the whole glass of liquid, which sorta made my tail feathers shudder ...hehe. Then I brushed my teeth and started looking around for sexy clothes.

I didn’t want to look too sexy – Jesus, was Donny gonna pimp me out or something? So I just tossed on a tight A&F tee and faded jeans. They were pretty clingy and worn, so I guess that was sexy – right? I put on my heavy hoodie, threw skates around my neck and started walking toward the rink. At least the cold air felt good and bracing.

Arriving, I was surprised to find it so crowded. I guess there wasn’t much else to do around here on the day after Christmas. Whether it was the fresh cool air, or the pills, or the vodka, the throbbing was a lot less intense. I thanked the Gods, all 2987 of them!

I paid my entry fee and got a lock. After putting my hoodie away, I bent over to take off my Vans and felt two hands on my cheeks. That straightened me right up! Then he pushed into me and put his mouth next to my ear, whispering, “Hey, sexy!”

I could feel the blood rush to my face as I blushed.

“Hehe ...Donny! Back off! Let me put my skates on.”

“Oh, are we gonna skate?”

“What did you think we were gonna do at a skating rink?”

“Well, there’s a pretty big handicapped stall in the men’s room. We could be creative.”

I pushed him away. Now I was crimson. I pointed at the bench.

“SIT!”

Sitting next to him, I laced up my skates. He was already wearing his. We hit the ice and it really felt good to be able to glide like that again. I didn’t think my doctor would approve though. He did tell me not to run when it was icy, so I guessed this might be even worse. One of the advantages of being fifteen is that you usually ignore what doctors tell you. But deciding I’d better tell Donny before he tried to get too cute out there, I motioned him over to the boards and explained. He even promised to guard me from being accidentally hit ...hehe.

I started to recognize people. There was Gary and Mel. She saw me first and waved, and then Gary looked and smiled – until he saw Donny. Was that a quick frown? I broke the gaze and kept glancing around the rink as I circled. I saw Cal with a girl I had never seen before. She must be from out of town, or something. He has quite a reputation now, so she’s probably from Pennsylvania, or someplace else where they can’t read. I saw Lanni, Benny and Deena – no Sam? Of course there was Nels and Lauri sitting at a table with another couple who I vaguely recognized from school. I guess they were doing their hetero thing.

Stop it, David! That's not how you should be thinking.

Damn! Donny just ‘accidentally’ brushed my ass again!

I saw Martha Miller, that girl from bible study whose mother gave me a ride home. It looked like she was with a couple of girls, so I drifted over and grabbed her hands. We made a tight circle. She bashfully smiled as I let her skate off. Then I twirled around and slipped back to Donny, who put his hand on my ass again.

“Slick moves David; who was that?”

“Martha. She’s some poor girl who was stuck in a bible study with me a few months ago. She’s nice. She certainly did not deserve it.”

“You go to bible study?”

“Ha! Only once! Anyway, that crazy church has left town! I guess there IS a God, after all.”

After about a half-hour I felt my leg tiring. I guessed I needed to do more exercises, but I didn’t want to risk falling, so I told Donny I was heading off to a table. Naturally, he followed.

“I’m only going to rest my leg for a few minutes. You can stay out there.”

“Why would I want to be out there with you in here? Want something to drink?”

“Just a bottle of water will be fine.” As Donny headed off to the concession stand, my headache was kicking up again. Maybe the pills were wearing off. I was sorry that I hadn’t brought a bunch with me.

Then I noticed Sam over at the arcade playing some video game. I was sure he was here with Deena. I could see he had his skates on, so he was probably just taking a break, Sam style.

Donny came back with water for me and a Mountain Dew for him.

I scolded him. “That stuff is terrible for you!”

He smiled. “Yeah, I know. But I need a shot of caffeine right now, and some sugar to replace my reserves.”

Donny was now looking at me with lust in his eyes.

“I know I told you to dress sexy, but you’re downright sinful. My cock is dripping!”

And just as he said that, Gary showed up, sat down, looked at Donny, then at me.

“What’s this?”

“It’s me, taking a break because my leg is getting tired.”

Honestly, I tried to say it without any attitude.

“No dumb-ass, what’s with you and this freshman and all the touchy-feely?”

OK, now I figured it was time for a little attitude.

I reached to my back pocket.

“Jeez, let me check the manual. Oh fuck! I left the How-David-is-Supposed- to-Behave manual at home.”

For the second time in his life, Gary gave me an ugly look. It was the same ugly look he gave me on the first day of school when I told-off Twoey for calling me Dave.

He hiss-whispered.

“Kids are talking out there!”

I hiss-whispered back.

“I don’t give a fuck! What do you think about that?”

Gary’s eyes got big and – frightened looking, I think. What the hell did he expect? I’m sure he was trying to come up with a proper reply, but I just cut him off.

“Why don’t you and Mel take a break and join us?”

Gary paused and did some mental calculation.

“OK. Let me go get her.”

After he left, I looked at Donny.

“Are you OK?”

“Um ...yeah? I think. Is ...uh ...he gonna make trouble?”

“Not for you. Relax!”

As I said that, a shooting pain crossed my head behind my eyes. I flinched, then quickly drank some water.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Right then, Gary and Mel returned and sat down across from each other too, because Donny and I were across from each other. I leaned over and forced myself to give Mel a kiss on her cheek. My head kicked at me, and I winced again.

“Hi Mel! You guys both know Donny from the team, right?”

They both nodded to Donny. Gary said, “Hey” and they bumped fists.

I gave Gary a steely gaze.

“Are you done insulting him?” I took another swig of water.

He returned an identical gaze.

“Is there something I should know?”

I could feel Mel stiffen a bit but just at that exact moment, a crippling pain seared through my brain. I mean, it smacked me with a physical force! My eyes squeezed shut and I got thrown back in my chair like I was hit with a 45 slug. I heard a chair fall over.

“David? David?!”

I opened my eyes and Donny was kneeling on my right, holding my arm. Gary was kneeling on my left, with his hand holding up my shoulders. I turned to look at my friend. His face was only two inched away from mine, but was somewhat out of focus. I could hardly see.

Gary said, “Jesus! Are you alright? What happened?”

“Wait. Let me rest here a minute.”

I let the haze clear and reopened my eyes. I could see clearly again.

“OK. That’s better. I’m good now. I just unexpectedly got hit with a sharp pain. I’ve had a bad headache all day.”

I saw Mel picking up Donny’s chair and suddenly we were surrounded by people. I waved them off.

“Go back! I’m OK – really.”

Most melted away, but I saw Sam and Nels standing there. Gary had a hurt look in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That I had a headache?”

“No – about you and Donny.”

My head suddenly began to throb again. I couldn’t take all this scrutiny any longer and I couldn’t take this pain any longer. I got up and headed toward the lockers. My head was splitting in half and I could feel my anger building with each stab of pain behind my eyes. I had to get out of there. I had to get out of there right away!

I sat down to remove my skates but when I bent over, it only made the pain worse and added dizziness too. After unlacing them I sat up and noticed Gary was right next to me. My anger boiled over!

“Are you still fucking here?”

He looked shocked. Sam and Nels were there too. Nels spoke up first.

“Is something wrong David?”

“You’re goddamn right something's fucking wrong!”

I went back to kicking off the skates and slipping into my Vans. The pain hit me again. I got up, stumbled a bit then slipped on my hoodie. When I reached down to tie my skates together and grab them I thought my head was going to blow right off my shoulders. I felt myself trembling, then shaking harder but I was strong and toughed through it, because I had to get the fuck out of there!

When I stood up and threw the skates around my neck, Sam was standing in front of me.

“Jesus Fucking Christ!!! Can’t you people leave me alone?”

I was screaming now and the pain was searing.

Donny came over.

“Hang on, I’ll change real quick.”

I pointed at him and yelled.

“You ...especially you! Get out of my life!!!”

I swung around and stomped toward the door as another pain hit me, making me gasp and grab the frame. Just then Chuck and his little boyfriend were about to pass me as they entered. Chuck had a concerned look on his face. Another shot of pain hit and my head snapped back.

“You too! Get out of my life!”

I turned to face the group who crowded behind me.

“All of you! Get the fuck out of my life!!”

I ran out into the cool air, I didn’t even zip up the hoodie. I pounded my way home as the headache pounded too. As soon as I was home, I threw down a few more pills, went to my room and stripped down to my boxers. I pulled out Donny’s bottle and went to the kitchen to grab more ginger ale. Back in my room, I poured a small drink. It was three-quarters vodka and one-quarter ginger ale. I decided maybe the headache would lessen if I drank it this way!

I did more thinking. It all started with that look. It started on the fateful day when I first met Twoey. I thought I was so smart with my plan. You know what? I'm not so smart.

I drank to that!

My mind got me into a festive, party attitude. I poured another glass of vodka and ginger ale.

I thought about Pastor Pig-Fucker. You know, if I had drunk his Kool-Aid, I would have stayed away from Twoey. My life would never have gotten so out of control! Ironic, isn’t it? He had the answer all along.

I drank to him!

I poured myself another glass. This time it was mostly vodka, with just a little ginger ale.

I thought about all the friends I had fucked over. Everything I did with Gary, I was thinking about me. Everything I did with Sam, it was all about me. Randy? – all about me. Kathy – me. Chuck. I used him for me. Donny was all just for me. Alex. Poor Alex! She did everything thinking about my well-being. But I just used her. It was just about me. It was always me! Even Twoey, especially Twoey, the guy needed a friend who thought about Twoey, not just himself. That was all I ever thought about. Just myself. Only of what people would think about me.

I drank to me!

The next glass was all vodka. I didn’t need the ginger ale any more.

I realized I wasn’t only a shitty friend, I was a shitty person. Even you – the guy reading this – you hafta admit I’m not a character you can identify with or even feel sorry for. When I’m gone, you’re not gonna feel sad, like you did when Danny died. You’re probably just gonna say, “Finally! I won’t have to read what that asshole is thinking anymore!”

I drank to you!

I looked at the bottle and it was half empty. I decided to finish it. I wasn’t mellow enough to go to sleep yet. And so I did. I didn’t even bother with a glass anymore. I don’t remember much else, just the pain.

I think I dreamed of my former friends all around and talking to me. I didn’t think you could get angry in a dream, but I sure as hell did!

In that dream, I even threw a punch at Sam!