18 Weeks of Twoey - 102. Week Fifteen Thursday, December 11, 2014: I Can’t Be Gay

The reality of truth is that there is none.

- sort of said by Jean Baudrillard; previously implied (independently) by Lewis Carroll and Plato

***

Today was probably the most difficult day of my life.

You would think having been bashed by baseball bats would qualify, but that only hurt my body. Today made me question the truth of who I was. It made me question why I was. It even made me question what I was. And it all began while I was still asleep, when I didn’t even know where I was.

When I suddenly woke up from my non-fish dream at about 5:30, there was a cummy mess in my boxers. I hadn’t had a wet dream since I was like twelve! I guess I should have jerked off last night instead of waiting for the morning shower. While I showered this morning, traces of the dream began coming back to me. I was in the showers at school, and a humid steamy mist was all around me. It was difficult to make out who people were, and there were people there. It’s just they were girls. Yes, girls in the boy’s shower at school. I should have realized it was a dream right then and woke myself up, but in a dream, falseness feels like truth. You know how that is.

So there they were, Alex and Mel, one on each side of me. Each girl was rubbing her body against mine. We were all naked. In fact, I suddenly got all hard in my real shower, merely recalling this portion of the dream, so naturally I started stroking myself. I had never seen either Mel or Alex naked, but that didn’t stop my mind from creating a very realistic image. My mind created its own truth. You probably think this situation is what led to my nocturnal eruption. But it was not. Back to the dream.

They were nibbling on my ears and rubbing my balls, ass and erection and both talking really slutty to me. Again, this was so uncharacteristic of either Mel or Alex, it could not have been true. I think I told you I rarely visualize anything when I jerk off, but when this little fantasy was played out before me, it certainly added spice to my session this morning. More of the dream began to reveal itself. As they were working me up to a near climax, a boy suddenly appeared in front of me, but still in the mist. I assumed it was going to be Gary, because Mel walked over to him. But as he emerged, it was Donny Nelson in his tiny Speedo. Mel went to work and slipped him out of it. The result was that a six inch erection snapped up against his tight abdomen. Again, I figured wrong. I thought she would seduce him or something because she had stripped him so sexily.

But no, once again, this dream tested the boundaries of believability. I felt a gentle push, as Alex sent me away from her side. At the same time, Mel led him up to me. I felt his hardness smashed against my own, as his lips met mine. Yes! He kissed me! More than that, he sucked my tongue into his mouth causing me to forcefully explode. The power of two orgasms, one in my dream and the other in my reality, almost knocked my feet out from under me. My weak leg must have been responsible for that. I braced myself against the wall of the shower and then slid down. It was a few minutes later before I could even think again.

When I did recover, I was beyond embarrassed! I tried to think of the proper God to pray to so I would never see Donny Nelson in the halls. I knew if I ever saw him, I would need to run the other way. How could I even look at that poor kid again after what I just did to him in my dream! How could I even have had so much cum after I just unloaded into my boxers? I figured the best thing to do was simply forget about this whole nightmare. After all, this wasn’t reality, it was only a dream.

I dried off, brushed my teeth and shaved for the second time this week because of what was ahead of me today. I figured I should dress up super nice for Alex’s parents. This time, I wore a slinky black V-neck top that made my hair look better and black skinny jeans, now that I can wear them again. I wore that white shell necklace, no belt, and a black Van on my right foot, then strapped the black boot onto my left. I fiddled with my hair and checked myself in the mirror. I smiled at my reflection, deciding I looked pretty good. I knew I was still a little under my fighting weight, but my clothes fit better now than they did at my low point.

Anyway, Tommy gave me a thumbs-up. During breakfast, I reminded Aunt Sarah I would be eating at Alex’s tonight. On our walk to school this morning, Nels said something painful.

“A kid yelled something about fags, toward Twoey and Erik, as they were leaving school yesterday.”

Gary was next. “See, I told you they were getting obvious.”

“What did they do?”

“Erik went over and pushed the kid onto the hood of a car and talked to him for a while.”

“Well, I guess that’s one advantage of having a wrestler as your boyfriend.”

But Gary sounded a warning. “You know, this could get a whole lot worse.”

In math, I passed a note to the almost-late Twoey which simply stated: ‘Watch your PDAs!’

Twoey gave me a dirty look, but then I think he suddenly understood, because he smirked and just nodded. Oh ...Terri rubbed my chest! I think she must have a thing for silky shirts.

At lunch, Matty and Chuck slid one seat over so Matty was next to me again and Chuck back next to Nels. I guess there was no need to leave a space for Erik and Twoey anymore. They sure did abandon us. Anyway, sitting between Matty and Sam was a lot more fun than sitting next to Erik ever was. Although ...I was still a little miffed at Sam for the stunt he pulled Tuesday.

At least I was able to verify with Nels that Lanni was indeed now going with Benny. Martin’s bit of gossip was accurate. As I thought about it, I realized Martin’s gossip was always accurate.

In Adv. Prep, Alex ran her hand over me too, like Teri did. She looked deeply into my eyes. I blushed, thinking of how she pushed me away and toward a naked boy this morning in the shower. It took superhuman effort not to smirk. When she went back to sit down, Randy said something nasty to her that I couldn’t quite hear ...hehe.

I didn’t want to get all sweaty without being able to take a shower so, in the weight room, I only sat and talked to Biggy and Jack while they went through their workouts. I described to Biggy what the physio-guy said I would be allowed to do, but that I would begin it all tomorrow. I was able to finish my math and English though, while shooting the shit. During PhysEd and the basketball games I finished the few items remaining. Matty came over to chat, between a few of the games, but Twoey only smiled and gave me a short wave.

I met Alex by my locker. We began walking to her house and the surreal meeting with her mother. She turned out to be a very intense woman – the exactly opposite of Sam’s mom. I would go bonkers if I had to be around her for long stretches. No wonder Alex was always at my house! I thought it was for me, but she was probably only escaping from her mother. That woman grilled me about everything, from my grades to why I was switched to Adv. Prep to my sports and even asked why I was injured.

“I was assaulted.”

She pissed me off by saying, “Clumsy of you, no?”

WTF!

I snapped at her. “No! They kidnapped me and beat me with baseball bats! They were trying to kill me!”

I know, I should have stayed in control. Alex gasped. I guess that’s when I realized she didn’t know anything about the intentions of that cult. Well, at least it brought the interrogation to a screeching halt. But I had lost control. That certainly was no way to make an impression on Mrs. Reich. I apologized right away.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Reich. That wasn’t very polite. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, but that’s no excuse. I am really sorry.”

She came over and patted me on the shoulder and said that it was alright, then she left for the kitchen. I sat down on the sofa next to Alex.

“Jeez, what a way to impress your mom.”

“Don’t worry David, that’s exactly the way she always is. I should have warned you. She keeps probing and probing until you snap. I do it all the time.”

“It doesn’t excuse me for what I did. I’m usually in control of my emotions.”

“Until you beat up football players.”

“Oh God, she doesn’t know about that does she?”

She laughed. “No, silly.”

When Mr. Reich came home from work he turned out to be quite the opposite. A genuinely nice, laid back guy who was interested in the fact I was a shortstop. Conversation was comfortable during dinner until near the end. Fuck! Doesn’t that woman know when to stuff a gag in her mouth? Mrs. Reich just had to ask.

“So, David, why did these people try to kill you?”

Everything stopped.

I think even the clock stopped.

I decided to combat her by trying some humor.

“Well, when he found out I switched from his class into Alex’s class, I guess he became angry with me.”

She exploded. “He was your teacher?”

“Well, I guess he didn’t like my composition.” I chuckled. But Alex jumped right in.

“Mom, you should have seen that composition! Mrs. Delmonico read it to us before David even came to our class. It was brilliant! He’s brilliant. My boyfriend is brilliant!” She grabbed my arm and pressed her head into it. After that over-the-top display, I turned bright red ...neon red, I think.

I attempted to recover, so I chuckled.

“I guess your daughter is easily impressed.”

That’s when Mrs. Reich stunned me by saying something which was not a barb.

“No. That is one thing Alex is not. She is not easily impressed.”

Luckily, we were almost finished and Mrs. Reich left the table to get dessert. Godspeed, you fucking bitch! Later, when I was deep in the closet looking for my jacket, Mr. Reich pulled me aside and asked why the teacher really was trying to kill me. I told him that I had no idea. I guess this was my little white lie. I also didn’t tell him that he was dead. I guess this was my little gray lie of omission. I also didn’t tell him I was happy he was drowned in a fucking toilet. I guess this was my little black lie of VIXERA.

Finally, I arrived at Randy's house. When he opened the door, he looked me up and down.

“You look delectable tonight David. Did you dress like this just for me?”

He laughed because he had seen me in class already. I laughed because I could read his little parody of Alex. Randy is one smart cookie! He then let me in, introducing me to his parents and 8 year-old little brother, who were watching TV in the family room. He told them I was in his Adv. Prep class and we had a project to work on. So we went up to his room.

“I said that so they won’t bother us.”

He smiled, paused and looked at me. “How long did it take for you to get mad at Alex’s mom?”

I really laughed at that. “I guess she’s famous for that, huh?”

We sat on his bed. Then he got serious.

“OK, what’s going on? Why do you need to talk to me?”

“Well, there are a couple of reasons I need it to be you to discuss these things with. First, you’re smart. Second, I think we like and respect each other, but some of this stuff might stretch that to its limit. Third, you told me you’re gay, even though you did it inadvertently. The only other boys who have come out to me are the ones we’re going to be discussing. So that leaves you. But if the first two conditions weren’t right, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. OK?”

“OK, I understand. And I do like and respect you David. Now what do we have to discuss?”

“Unfortunately for you, lots of stuff. Way too much for tonight. Some of it has to do with Twoey and some of it has to do with me. Let’s leave my shit for later. I need to talk about Twoey first because I’m going to Syracuse with Alex Saturday.”

“What’s in Syracuse?”

“Twoey’s best friend for his whole life, and I mean whole life! Mike was born ten minutes before Twoey in the same hospital. They’ve been best friends ever since, except for about six months this year. I need to talk to Mike.”

“Just out of curiosity, why did you say except for six months?”

“When Twoey came out to him last spring, Mike got scared and began to keep his distance. When Twoey got shot, Mike finally realized what an ass he had been and has been back, as a good friend ever since – or as good as you can be living about 50 miles away.”

“OK. I guess. So what’s the problem with Twoey? He seems happy with his boyfriend.”

“Well that’s just it. I don’t want this to seem like jealousy or anything. I was happy too when they first told me they were a couple, although I’ve never particularly liked Erik. But very slowly it seems Erik is isolating Twoey. He’s pulling him away from his friends and smothering him 24/7. I mean, he drives him to and from school, keeps him in the wrestling room during practice, takes him off campus for lunch every day, makes him wait at the end of each class until he gets him and walks him to his next class so no one can even talk to him. Twoey’s phone always goes to voicemail too, and I don’t think it’s because he’s always talking on it.”

“Hmmm. When you started out there, I honestly was thinking it sounded like Erik was a great boyfriend. But I can see, with everything piled up, it does look like a dominating relationship.”

“Well, my friends think so too. I mean, you see how Alex and I are. We’re with each other a lot but we live our own lives too, at least now that I’m back in school we do. I have friends, she has friends. Last night she met me at Kory’s for supper because I was on my way from rehab to Gary’s swim meet, but she told me to go there alone. She didn’t have to be at the swim meet just because I was. That’s healthy, I think. But the reason I want to talk to Mike is that I’ve only known Twoey since September. I can’t tell if this is his normal personality or not. Mike will know what normal is for Twoey. Is he extroverted, introverted, needy? – you know.”

“That sounds like a decent plan. So why did you need to talk to me?”

“Well, as relationships go, I’m guessing gay relationships are exactly the same as straight ones. But I just wanted to verify that with you, just to be sure. What I’m getting at is, in a straight relationship, this behavior could lead to abuse. You isolate your partner from all his friends, you demand all his time, and then he becomes dependent on you.”

Randy jumped in. “You’re right. What happens if Twoey tried to do something that was not allowed, like visit a friend on his own? Erik could become violent with his abuse. Maybe not right now, while Twoey is still near his friends, but in years or even months, he might actually start physically abusing him.”

“Jeez, thank you Randy! That’s exactly what’s been worrying the back of my mind. If that’s the case, how do we intervene? I mean, right now it’s gonna seem silly to Twoey if we show up with the sheriff. Nothing’s happened. He probably wouldn’t take our advice anyway. He’d think we were jealous of what he had or something. You know, why were we trying to ruin his happiness? It’s why I need to talk to Mike. He might have some insight we don’t have.”

“OK I’m with you 100% on this. Keep me informed. Now let’s talk about you a little.”

“OK, but Randy, please ...talk to Alex. Tell her you’re gay. You know she’ll still love you the same! Really. It’ll make it easier for me to talk about this too because I won’t have to keep you two separated. The three of us together do better work. We have the proof.”

“I’m pretty sure she already suspects.”

“Duh! I had only told her I had a meeting tonight with ‘someone’ involved with a special project. Then, when I was discussing this Twoey situation, do you know what she told me? ‘You should talk to Randy about it.’ Can't you see? She knows! The only reason she won’t tell me is that you haven’t officially told her. Jeez Randy, come out to your best friend, who incidentally has a gay brother that she loves. Jesus!”

“Yeah ...I am kinda stupid about this, aren’t I? I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

“Thank God! And now to the first of my little problems. Brace yourself.”

“OK, let me get us some Cokes or something.” After a few minutes he was back with a Coke for him and a bottle of water for me, because I had asked for one instead.

– * big deep breath * –

“OK, I’m baring my soul to you Randy. I haven’t told anybody about this but my shrink, and I stopped seeing him until next week. You’re my shrink now.” I smiled.

“The day before school began in September, I first met Twoey. It was the day he moved in. Up until that moment I was the same as any other kid growing up around here: baseball, swimming, running, hanging around, laughing, joking, always the guy to make everyone laugh. Some of my gang of friends were becoming romantically involved, getting girlfriends, but not me. One was seriously into new bands you or I have never heard of, but not me. I didn’t even mind school because it was easy. I always had straight A’s and never had to sweat even one tiny bit. I was a boy, I was a kid.”

“Your happy time.”

I nodded.

“My world changed that day: September 2. I met Twoey. He was like no one I’d ever met before. Slight, muscular, intelligent with green eyes that bore right into me. He looked right into my soul. A piece of my guts seemed to wrench free. There was a magnetic attraction unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I even started to throw wood! Whatever it was, I figured it wasn’t right. I turned around and ran home! How weird is that?”

“Love at first sight?”

“I don’t know, Randy. I have nothing to compare it to. I had never been in love before, and certainly never with a boy! I had never, ever thought of a boy that way before. But then, I had never thought of anyone that way before.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, I thought about it and decided there must be something I found which attracted me to just him. You know, not a group. Like not all boys or all people with green eyes or all people from Syracuse. Just Twoey. I had experience with people from every subset I could compare: boys, green eyes, Syracuse people, and I had no particular attraction to them, so it must have been specifically him. But since he was actually a boy, I couldn’t act on this attraction in any way. I have to admit, I was afraid. Afraid of appearing to be gay. In all honesty, in retrospect, I was probably afraid of being gay. And of course, I can’t be gay. So I determined to never be his friend and just stay aloof.”

“That sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“Yeah, you have no idea, but I couldn’t see that at the time. Naturally, he became friends with my entire gang and that made it even more difficult. He was in math and PhysEd with me and ate at our lunch table. Twoey was literally everywhere I was! But I thought I was pulling it off ...sorta. The first major thing that happened was when I thought Biggy Biggs punched Twoey.”

“The football player you knocked out.”

“Yeah ...well, when I saw Twoey fall onto our lunch table with blood on his face, I totally lost control of myself. You know the results. But nobody knows it was because I had reacted to it being Twoey. If it were anyone else, I’d have first found out what was going on. I’m usually pretty cool. But when I saw it was Twoey, I jumped up swinging and couldn’t stop until Greg Barton actually lifted my whole body into the air while I was still swinging. He calmed me down.”

“Hehe ...David, you had it BAD.”

“No shit! Anyway, the second major thing was when he was shot. I assumed he was going to die because the EMT didn’t give him much of a chance to live. I guess he was virtually dead when they brought him in. He didn’t seem to be fighting for life either.”

“Yeah ...I heard Twoey say once that you saved his life. How could you do that? You wouldn’t be allowed in the ICU, would you?”

“No, well here’s where the story gets a little bizarre. You may not want to believe this – but please hear me out entirely. I meditate. I’ve done it for years. If you get deep enough into your unconscious mind, there are amazing things that can happen. I’ll tell you about some of these things another time, but let’s just stick with Twoey for now. I was meditating while he was in the ICU, nearly dead. I felt someone with me, which had never happened to me before. I mean, I’m supposed to be in my own mind. How could anyone else be there?”

“I guess that would be a little spooky.”

“True. I sensed it was Twoey and I could feel his despair and fright and actual desire to be dead and with Danny, the other boy who was shot. I could talk to him by thought, and I told him not to be afraid and to come back to be with me. I told him I would always protect him and then, without any intent that I knew about, I told him that I loved him.”

“Oh. But you could have just been saying that to yourself. Right? I mean, it was inside your mind that this meditation was taking place.”

“That’s exactly what I thought. But then I saw his mother who told me he had a turn for the better and suddenly his doctors thought he might pull through. It happened while she was there …it was the exact time I was meditating.”

“Creepy.”

“It gets worse. I *met* him a few more times. He told me he was in great pain from headaches. He could press a button and this strong drug would knock him out and send him to where we would meet, if I happened to be meditating at that same time. His mother never told me about this magic drug button. I only found out it actually existed later.”

“But they do use these things. You might have known from stuff you’ve read.”

“Fair enough, but not what came next. Two things actually. First, while he was just coming out from being so very critical, we had only *met* a few times. After I declared my *love* for him, he told me, in this place we were, that he was going to tell his mother to give me a half a dollar and then he left. I had no idea what he meant. Why would he ask his mother to give me 50 cents? That night I was at her house, as I usually stopped in to get medical updates from her, and she said that he had made a strange request. He wanted her to give me half a dollar. You cannot believe what went through my mind when she said that ...and then actually produced a torn half of a dollar bill ...not fifty cents!”

Randy simply looked at me, completely stunned. “You’ve got to be kidding! But what was with the dollar?”

“She told me the story. He and his friend Mike, who he came out to – the same one I’m visiting Saturday – when they were seven years old, they tore that dollar and each kept half as a sign of their friendship. The day before Twoey moved, he found it returned to him, in his mailbox. It devastated him! So in his mind he lost one friend, but thought enough about me to make me the other part of a special friendship. This happened all while we had never physically met.”

“OK David, you’ve got my attention now.”

“Well, this is the second thing that has no explanation. He had this great pain in his head, blinding headaches. His mother told me the doctors thought there was some nerve damage from the bullet. But I could see the bullet missed everything near any significant nerves.”

“Wait! How could you see that if you weren’t in the ICU?”

“Well, in the meditative state, there is this place that I simply call my healing place. There, you can visualize a sore or injury and allow your body to marshal its defenses right to the spot. I think I’ve healed some stuff faster that way. Whether or not it’s true, I went there to look at Twoey's injury. That’s where I saw the bullet hole, its huge size, from an apparently large caliber weapon, which turned out to be true. I saw damage to some tissue and veins but nothing to do with his head. That’s where I focused next, and saw a sore area at the base of the skull unrelated to the bullet injury.”

I decided to leave out Derek Jeter ...Randy was having enough trouble believing this.

“So when I saw his mother, I asked her if maybe the doctors missed something. I didn’t want to get into it any further with her. It turns out the next day, according to Twoey, he heard her raising holy hell with them in the hallway. So they rechecked the scans. This time they found a suspicious area. They gave him a ‘different kind of scan’ that I’m guessing they just said to avoid malpractice. In any event, his spine was out of whack in that spot from either the impact of the bullet or his fall or who the hell knows or cares, but the bottom line is, they built a brace to correct that and his headaches stopped immediately. In fact, he never returned to the special place, or me, again. Soon he was in a regular room and I visited him, spending entire Sundays, where we went over some of these things. I didn’t really want to admit that these meetings were true. I thought he’d consider them dreams or hallucinations. But Twoey knew better. He came up with a couple of traps that I had to fall into …and that exposed the truth.”

I took a deep breath.

“He knew – I knew – he knew I knew.”

All Randy could say was, “Wow!”

“There’s lots more that’ll have to wait for another meeting, Randy. Other stuff that’s crushing my brain and tearing at me from the inside. I’m a very troubled person right now and I’m hoping that maybe you can help me. I need to ask you a dumb question. What does it feel like, inside, to be gay?”

He frowned and said curtly, “What do you mean?”

“Let me rephrase. I meant, what do you feel inside to know that you’re gay?”

“Oh, OK. Well, I take notice of boys, evaluate every one. I get an attraction to certain ones. I guess straight boys must do that with girls. But I do it with boys. I think about what they would look like naked. I think about them when I jerk off, especially ones that I have a particular attraction to. And, I’ve had sex with a few. I think that qualifies me as gay, don’t you?”

I laughed. “For sure. Now until Twoey, I didn’t do that with boys or girls.”

“Who did you think of when you jerked off?”

“Until a few times lately, I usually didn’t think of any person or fantasy when I jerked off, I just did it to get off.”

“Ugh ...how boring. But what do you mean, until lately?”

“That’s when my world began to change again Randy. It’s where I am right now. But this has to wait until next week, because there’s a little more background you’ll need to understand.”

This was the moment I had been sort of preparing for all day. You have no idea how difficult it was for me to proceed from here. I couldn’t simply blurt out the favor I needed to ask. I tried. I opened my mouth a few times and shut it again. Something inside me was physically preventing me! I took another breath and tried a slightly different tactic. I attempted to do an end-run around my brain.

“By the way, do you have a boyfriend?”

“No – you asked me that before – why?”

“Well, I wouldn’t ask you to, if you had one.”

“Ask me to what?”

Fuck! Here it came, ready or not!

“Kiss me.”

“KISS YOU?”

Shit! I figured I was gonna have to talk him into it.

“I’ve kissed Twoey. I need to know if kissing another boy does anything to me. So I want us to kiss, but only if you want to.”

Randy stared at me. Those intense gray eyes penetrated me. Was he analyzing me? Trying to see if this was some kind of trap? Getting ready to throw a punch at me?

“You bet your fucking ass I want to!” Then he moved close to me and our lips met, just a light brush.

“Are you OK?” I think he asked that because my hand, on his arm, was trembling a bit.

“I think so. More?”

He moved in to give me a soft, but full kiss. His tongue slowly traced around my own lips, but he made no attempt to penetrate my mouth.

“David, are you OK?”

This time he asked because now both my hands were on his arms and I was shaking badly, very much out of control.

“No.”

He pulled me in to hold me close, while I slowly – very slowly – stopped trembling. After that happened, I dropped my head into his shoulder. He did not let go of me.

“Randy, I don’t know what to do. I’m an emotional mess. I enjoyed it. I like you very much.”

“You do? What about Alex? What about Twoey?”

I rocked my head and sobbed. “Those are good questions, and I don’t have the answers. I really don’t have any answer! This is suddenly very awkward.” I pulled back to look at a concerned face. Was that pity I saw? “I think you, me and Alex need to talk about what this means. We can’t do that until you come out to your friend. Do it tomorrow, please! Then we need to set up a meeting of the three of us for Monday.”

“Why so far away?”

“Tomorrow you have to come out to her. Saturday I need to go to Syracuse with her. Sunday I’ll need to spend the entire day thinking. Thinking about our Monday meeting and my Tuesday therapy session. I think they’re going to be about most of the same stuff. I need to answer a lot of questions of myself.”

“David, are you gay?”

“I can’t be gay. But I have been having some strange feelings, like in the kiss with you.”

“Do you realize you’ve said that twice tonight?”

“What have I said?”

“You’ve said ‘I can’t be gay.’ But you’ve said it like an automatic reaction. Like someone saying ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer. You are either gay or you are not gay. There is no can’t.”

“Now you sound like Yoda.”

“David, don’t change the subject.”

“I don’t know why I say that. I say it to myself too. I’m going to have to think about it. Something inside me compels me to say I can't be gay.”

“Why? Why do you have to think about it. My best friend is sitting in her house, down the block. She’s building her future on the rock of David who can only ‘think’ about what will affect her deeply. David, if you’re gay, come out to Alex. I’m not going to sit around and watch her get hurt. If you’re maybe a little confused or uncertain about who you are, then at least tell her that much. She might even be able to help you. Look, if you don’t tell her, I will. She’s my best friend and is entitled to the truth.”

“Like you coming out to her?”

“It’s not the same thing, and you know it. But you’re right. I will come out to her tomorrow. And I’ll be waiting for you to tell her whatever truth you can muster by Monday.”

“Can I have one more of those kisses?”

“No. Not until you straighten things out with Alex.”

He was right, of course. I got my stuff together and left, getting home about 10:30. I knew there were some critical decisions ahead. But my brain was in a frazzle from everything that happened tonight. I did not call Alex. I had only enough time to jerk off before I went to bed. I did not want a repeat wet dream performance. And you’ll be happy to know I did not fantasize about Randy. Nope! Not Randy – not Randy at all.

I simply ravished Donny Nelson again tonight.