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18 Weeks of Twoey - 119. Week Seventeen Sunday, December 28, 2014: Fruit Fly
Trigger warning:
Actions related to Suicide
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man’s son doth know.
Twelfth Night -WS
***
“He what?!”
Randy was passing on the gossip of David’s explosion at the rink Friday. I couldn’t understand why or even believe that he had become so angry with all his friends.
“And the last thing he said when he stormed out was ‘All of you! Get the fuck out of my life!!’ I know that’s what he said because I got the same exact words from three different people who were there.”
“He told his own gang to get the fuck out of his life? His best friend Gary too?”
“Yep! That’s the report. Everyone’s talking about it.”
“I absolutely cannot believe it. Was Twoey there?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“I’m calling Twoey!”
And so I did.
“Alex? What’s up ...er, I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“Randy told me about David's Friday at the rink. What do you know about it?”
“Well, Tommy called me and I got him in contact with my mother in Albany because we were afraid of alcohol poisoning.”
“What?! Alcohol? Are you crazy? David doesn’t drink! Hell, he doesn’t even drink soda!”
“Apparently, he decided to sample a half liter of vodka.”
“Oh my God, Twoey, what happened?”
“Well, Tommy said a big hangover happened yesterday. I went over and sat with him for a couple of hours in the morning while Tommy got some sleep. The poor kid was up all night with him, he said. But David was unconscious the whole time I was with him. I guess Gary was there even earlier than I was. Anyway, Gary and Sam stopped over here yesterday afternoon. Gary was almost in tears, and I’d never seen Sam depressed before, but he was ...big time! The worst thing is that David’s father, aunt and sister are out of town so he’s all alone, except for Tommy…”
“WHAT?! They left him alone?”
“Um, yeah. So, as I was saying, only Tommy is there with him. That kid’s a little party-hound which means David is probably sitting somewhere all alone. Tommy told me he convinced him to come over here yesterday to help me prepare for the party, but he never showed up. Some of the guys tried to go over to his house but he wasn’t home. I even went down to the lake. I looked all around but couldn’t find him. Then I stopped at his house, but he wasn’t home. If there’s one thing I do know, it’s that he’s dangerous when he’s alone and thinking!”
“What are you going to do about it? Maybe your mother can intervene?”
“No, I told you she was in Albany. She’s on a book tour. Why do you think I’m able to have the Breaking-Up Party? Don’t forget, you’re coming!”
“So what are you going to do about David? He’s been such a special friend to you.”
“What you don’t know is that David has been sort of hot and cold and distant from me too, and for a week now. I told you, I went to the park looking for him yesterday, when Gary said he wasn’t home. But I couldn’t find him. I’m really worried about him, but feel I’m handcuffed.”
“Shit ...you guys are worthless. I guess it’ll be up to me. I still love him you know. Is it OK if I bring David to your party tonight?”
There was a long pause.
“If he’ll come. Of course you can.”
“Well, spread the word to all his so-called friends and make sure they’re OK with it. If they aren’t, shoot me a text.”
“Don’t worry. They’ll be fine with it. They’re all worried too, you know.”
I was so furious! What a bunch of wussoids. From the things David mentioned, when he opened up to Randy and me on that most horrible Monday of my life, I thought I knew what torment was going on in his pretty head. So I called him. Well, I tried to call him but got some sort of weird message. I looked up his landline and called that. It rang a bunch of times, but he finally answered.
“Hello.”
“It’s Alex. I couldn’t get you on your phone.”
“I guess I threw it at the wall Friday night.”
“From what I’ve heard, you had quite an interesting Friday.”
“Yeah, it was that. From what I’ve heard, that is. I don’t remember too much.”
He didn’t sound right. There was no emotion at all in his voice. I was getting scared.
“David, what happened? I mean, what really happened. You can tell me.”
“Everybody knows I’m gay.”
“And?”
“And so now I’m alone. Look, thanks for the call and concern, Alex. Tommy just left for some big party and I’m going to take a shower. Remember, I always loved you.” Then he hung up.
I yelled, “SHIT!”
“Ricky! Ricky! Get down here right away. It’s an emergency!”
My 20 year old brother came thundering down the stairs, looking around for an intruder, I guess.
“What’s wrong?”
“My friend David. I think ...I think he’s gonna...”
“Shit, get in my car. We have to get right over there!”
Because he’s gay I’ve told Ricky all about David. That was when I was trying to figure everything out. Ricky sort of knows about his little turmoil.
He got us there really fast. We both jumped out and ran to the side door. It was locked and I banged on the door. Then Ricky took over and banged much louder. He was sizing up the windows, trying to figure how to break in when the door suddenly opened.
There stood David, with wet hair and only a towel wrapped around his waist. He was still mostly wet too. I said a thank-you to God for the sight before me. We didn’t wait, just both pushed past him and walked in.
“Why don’t you guys come in?” He gave me a sly little smirk.
Yes! An emotion!
Our eyes caught. He knew. He knew. He knew why I came. His eyes told me I was right too. I sighed.
David stepped to me and melted me with a soft kiss.
“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it to Tommy.”
“This is my brother, Ricky. You guys met Christmas Eve. He’s gay. I’ve told him about you.”
I turned to Ricky. “Please, take David upstairs and have a talk with him, will you? Then bring him down when he’s dressed.”
I figured if anyone could talk sense into David, it would be Ricky. He went through much the same shit when he was younger. Meanwhile, I rustled up some food. Knowing David, I figured he hadn’t eaten in days.
I kept waiting and waiting for them to come down, but they were still up in his room. I could hear that they were talking. They both seemed to be saying a lot to each other. It wasn’t a one-sided conversation. Finally, it was about two hours later when they came back downstairs. It only took one look for me to realize Ricky had gotten through to him. My brother had to leave, and I sent him on his way. I told him I’d get a ride home from somebody later tonight.
After he left, David gave me a little smile. “Later tonight? Are you staying?”
“Yes, you idiot, and we’re going to Twoey’s party!”
“We are?”
“Yes. Now let’s eat.”
We sat and ate the scrambled eggs and sausages I had prepared while they were upstairs. Throughout the meal, David kept smiling at me. When we finished, I couldn’t suppress my curiosity any longer.
“What?”
“It’s moments like this I wish I were straight. You are so perfect for me.”
I went over to give him a hug. “I guess this makes me your fag hag.”
“No, you’re no hag! My fruit fly maybe, but not my fag hag.”
“Let’s go to the living room and talk.”
We did.
“Ricky told me he almost committed suicide when he was seventeen. Did you know that?”
“Yes. He’s told me all about his terrible coming to terms with himself. But at the time, none of us had any idea what he was going through. He was even successful in fooling my mother, and you know how invasive she can get.” He chuckled at that.
“From what your brother said, I could tell he and I had many similar experiences. It made me realize that no one really knows what torment anyone else is going through. We all need to be more supportive of each other. I mean, everyone does. It was easy to hide my feelings from my family because they don’t give a fuck. But if Ricky could hide his feelings from YOUR mother, then no parent can ever hope to really understand their kid. They should be sure to include that little fact in the Parenting for Dummies book.”
He chuckled, and then got quiet. I think he was replaying something in his mind.
“You know, Ricky told me a lot about himself, what he went through inside his mind at that time. I was surprised it was so much like the same things I had been thinking.”
“You seem calmer now. Did Ricky help you?”
“I couldn’t believe we talked for two hours. I thought it was ten minutes. And yes, he helped me more than my therapist ever did; even more than my seagull.”
“Your seagull?”
“Yes. When my therapist started to suck, I made friends with a seagull and talked to him.”
I caressed his handsome face with my hand. I never realized how bad off he had been. He was right, no one knows. I was sick. “So, what has my brother changed in your outlook?”
“He’s made me understand I need to be content with who I am. I can’t change who I am. I shouldn’t ever want to change who I am. I need to understand that my world will not end. My real friends won’t abandon me. And, you know, he’s really convinced me. Once I understood that I had to be who I was and not concern myself with what others thought, that what they thought was their problem and not mine, it was like a huge weight was lifted from me. Everything is so simple when you aren’t running around trying to be a different self for different people. Then he gave me his number and told me to call anytime, day or night, if I had an urgent problem I couldn’t work out. I really like your brother. Now I’ll just need to replace my phone …hehe.”
I was never as proud of Ricky as I was at that moment.
We talked all day. He admitted his hostility toward some family members. He told me it was something that had been eating at him. He told me he knew he wasn’t fixed yet, but that he now had hope. All the while we talked, he seemed so at peace. He admitted he had hit rock bottom but now could feel himself rising from the ashes of his confusion. Each time he referenced the thoughts of suicide he had harbored, he called it ‘his confusion.’ He even told me he didn’t know if he would ever have succumbed to his confusion.
“I think I was desperately trying to find an honorable way out of my confusion.”
“Honorable?”
“Yes, honorable to myself. I had made a logical case for it and by backing out, by backing down, I thought it would be deceitful. But my brother Tommy became like a big trump card. I could use him and my love for him to cancel the logic. AMOR OMNIA VINCIT. That little saying has new meaning for me now …hehe.”
Later, we ordered a pizza, which I forced him to eat, and we talked even more. This time, David was opening up to me and exposing all his worries and fears. He even told me about the childhood sexual abuse he had remembered in the psychiatrist’s office. That shocked the hell out of me. I could see it might have played a major role in his not wanting to be who he really was. I guess Ricky really got through to him upstairs, and now it was easier for him to talk. That made me happy because it’ll be easier again and again, as he becomes frank with all his friends. God, I prayed there was no bigot among them, although I hadn’t seen anything like that so far. But the real reward was seeing how serene he was. All that nervous energy and fake front was missing. It appeared he was accepting his place in the universe.
Then I asked him the million dollar question.
“Who are you in love with?” He didn’t hesitate for one second.
“Twoey.”
I leaned over and gave him a kiss. “Do the right thing tonight.”
He smiled and nodded.
Oh God, Yes!
Finally, it was time to leave. We walked over to the next block and he hesitated for a moment at the door.
“David, everyone in there loves you.”
I think that was all it took. We entered.
In front of us was a living room with most of the furniture removed. Crepe paper decorations were draped across the ceiling and on the walls. There was an archway into the dining room, on whose table was arrayed a ton of snacks. There were a couple of coolers with soda and water on ice. Hanging from the center of the arch was mistletoe.
It turned out to be a pretty great party. There were nice people and no alcohol. The DJ was pretty good and it looked like Sam was talking to him a lot. I recognized all the gang and their dates; Gary and Mel, Nels and Lauri, Sam and Deena. David introduced me to a hunky football player he called Biggy and his girlfriend Wendy. They seemed to be so in love.
Mike and MaryEllen from Syracuse were there. David introduced me to Terri and Ron. I guess she’s in his math class. There were several guys and girls who were unattached. It seemed Twoey had invited all his new friends from Daleville. I think he was trying to reconnect with them after Erik the Turd had removed Twoey from among them.
There were a few same sex couples too. Randy was with Cory Snyder, which was no big surprise to me.
David introduced me to a couple of boys he was sort of surprised about. He was smooth, but I’ve been around David too long and can read him like a book.
“Alex, these are my friends Matty and Martin.”
They didn’t seem shy though, especially the shorter one, who I think was Matty. David seemed stunned about Martin, but he hid it fairly well. Then I suddenly DID remembered Matty. I had gone to his class to ask him about David, after the beating. And I think Martin was the handsome guy he was talking with when I interrupted them.
People were dancing and we soon joined in too. The DJ was really on top of it, and the music was mostly upbeat with a few slow songs. We danced with a few other people, but mostly with each other.
One unusual thing was that David had never once approached Twoey during all that time. He looked at him often but looked away if Twoey ever caught his eye. I knew he was working stuff out in his mind. But I decided if he didn’t make a move pretty soon, I was going to talk some sense into him.
Boys are so stupid sometimes!
I saw Twoey walk over to Sam, who said something to the DJ. When that song ended, all the music stopped. Sam handed Twoey a mike.
“Thank you, friends. As many of you know, a relationship I was in ended recently. That’s why we’re having this little breaking-up party. And everyone’s been great, boosting my spirits which, I’ll admit, had become a little low.”
I reached over and grabbed David’s hand as Twoey continued.
“My good friend Deena suggested this party for that exact purpose. So I want to thank you, Deena, because it worked. But I need to make another announcement. About half of you already know, but I think it’s important enough for everyone to know. And now that all my friends are right here, it’s the perfect time for me to tell you. The little extra thing to know about me is that I’m gay. The relationship which unfortunately didn’t work out was with another boy.”
At this point, I squeezed David’s hand and whispered to him.
“Now! Do it now! It’s perfect.”
I squeezed his hand again and he dropped it, slowly walking away from me and toward the boy he was in love with. Twoey saw him approaching, and froze. When David arrived, he slid behind Twoey and wrapped him in his arms, leaned over his shoulder and spoke into the mike.
“As am I.”
Twoey swirled around and into David’s arms as Sam relieved him of the mike. David and Twoey squeezed each other, hanging on like they were afraid the other was going to drown. Then I saw their bodies begin to spasm. They each were crying. I began to cry too. It was so moving.
All this happened before the kiss.
The kiss was amazing. It wasn’t sexy or erotic; it wasn’t needy or reliant. It was the kiss of two parts of the whole that should have always been together. Everyone in the room was touched. I think we all had tears in our eyes.
For the rest of the evening, David never moved from Twoey’s side. The party went on for another couple of hours, but I never saw David lose physical contact with Twoey. Later, when it was time to leave, Gary approached me. Because his father was driving Mel home, he offered me a ride.
Before I left, I went to the new couple. I gave them each a kiss and congratulatory wishes. Twoey caught my eye and there was a little bit of stuff passing between us. He was thanking me.
As Gary said goodnight, he and David hugged tightly. I knew in that hug everything was forgiven between the best friends. I heard David ask Gary to text Tommy that he’d be staying with Twoey tonight.
And so my day ended as it began, with thoughts of David. I felt closer to him now than I ever did while we were dating – now that I was his fruit fly.
Strange, isn’t it?
Trigger warning:
Actions related to Suicide
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