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- 02/15/2019
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Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
tim's Bits and Pieces - 32. Metamorphosis - Not
So, this week as you may know i had a pretty bad mental health crisis. After a brief overnight in the hospital, i've had to come to the realization that i will not get better, there is no cure but there is therapy and drugs to help me cope. i have had to give up my dream of being drug free. i have had to accept this is my normal. So as is usual for me, poems began to form ... to help me cope with what is going on my world.
Allowing myself to give up my dream of 'normal' has freed me in a way. My expectations have changed, i am allowing myself to accepts my limits. Living in my new framework will allow me to cope. i hope i will be able to continue to write and work. i think i will be okay.
Is it so great being normal?
Most of don’t want to be
I found out that I’m not
Nor will I ever again, be
Depression is a constant companion
And HIV sits there in silence
Both of them brooding and deep
They are not friends with each other
And they certainly aren’t of me
There must be a level of acceptance
I need to let go of my fear
Find a way to meet them head on
There will be no sharing of info
No pleasant talks of peace
Mutual understanding is a no, no
It’s a cold war — internally
This poem is me as i'd hoped i'd be. i hoped i'd come through my own metamorphosis, better than i'd gone in. i had hoped i'd come out normal and drug free, but i haven't
i am meant to be a blue butterfly
with brilliant iridescent wings
tipped with gold
i am meant to be
yet i am a freak
coming out as i went in—
a lump, a slug, ugly and pale.—
i will never open my wings
or sip the nectar of life
doomed, am i, to crawl
never to fly freely on warm currents
only to creep among the lowly
no better or worse than i was
~~~
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Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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