tim's Bits and Pieces - 1. The Pick-Up

Damn boy! You know I sit and watch. ..see you writing, mumbling, grousing 'the end isn't right' and I know you write, and fiddle, and cut, and rewrite some more. This was so well done. Never stop challenging yourself! What a treasure!

oh tim, this turned out so wonderful

so many wonderful things in this!

and i think you nailed the ending!

thanks for sharing this 

This is simply grand.

6 hours ago, Reader1810 said:

And you wrote ten. My, but your pen can flow.... 

You told a good tale, tim. Have to admit I got a bit nervous part way through, but your words put that worry to rest and left me smiling.

You make this look effortless, but I know it’s not.

Kudos to you, my friend.

 

 

No, it's not effortless, but it should seem to be .. I'm curious what made you nervous .. it was fun to do and i'm mostly happy with it.  Have to get back to NaPoWriMo poems now... Thanks Reader!

6 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

Damn boy! You know I sit and watch. ..see you writing, mumbling, grousing 'the end isn't right' and I know you write, and fiddle, and cut, and rewrite some more. This was so well done. Never stop challenging yourself! What a treasure!

You do get to see the process, Michael as i growl at my laptop!  I will try not to stop, when i feel brave enough to try something

49 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

oh tim, this turned out so wonderful

so many wonderful things in this!

and i think you nailed the ending!

 

thanks for sharing this 

thanks for reading it, and your comments .. you got to hear me moaning about this as well. i appreciate you listening and reading the early version.. xoxo

21 minutes ago, dughlas said:

This is simply grand.

Aw, thanks very much dugh ... it was a lot of fun to write.  i'm glad it came out as well as it did! xo

4 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

thanks for reading it, and your comments .. you got to hear me moaning about this as well. i appreciate you listening and reading the early version.. xoxo

i'm always honored to read for you, that you trust me with your art means so much.

Loved it ! Courageous , quirky and just the perfect read for a Friday afternoon . 

1 hour ago, deville said:

Loved it ! Courageous , quirky and just the perfect read for a Friday afternoon . 

Thank you, you made me smile ... courageous and quirky ... loved that, thanks!   I appreciate your support very much. xo

59 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

 

This made me nervous, tim. It felt like hopes had been dashed. The player may have known “the score”, but it seemed he wished to be seen as something more - I could feel his disappointment in these words. To borrow Dugh’s marvellous descriptor, the  “clone” bringing out the “something more” was simply grand. 

 

@MichaelS36

 

As for you, Mike? Thank you for sharing what only you see. That glimpse of tim, the writer, was perfection. 

 

Oh i see ... aw that would have been too sad. I wanted this to be kind of amusing .. quirky as deville said.

About my process, well, i am rather fussy about rhymes, i hate forced rhymes, you can feel them like a slap in the face.  And to get things to sound right is hard, the last stanza was re-written several times before what i wrote came to me.  There is still one in here i'm not thrilled with.. xo  Thanks again Reader!!

A lover's passion is what I get from this poem. Fantastic tim.

3 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

A lover's passion is what I get from this poem. Fantastic tim.

Thanks A... glad you enjoyed it. i appreciate your comments and support! xo

This is an instant hit with me. I have had to read it over and over, my eyes devouring each line again and again. Your hard work paid off handsomely - as handsome as your man. Oh the bewitching power of beauty; you capture the story of it so incredibly well. And the form is wonderfully suited to it. I'm coming back to this one, often.

6 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

This is an instant hit with me. I have had to read it over and over, my eyes devouring each line again and again. Your hard work paid off handsomely - as handsome as your man. Oh the bewitching power of beauty; you capture the story of it so incredibly well. And the form is wonderfully suited to it. I'm coming back to this one, often.

Thank you, Parker. That means a lot to me. xo

1 hour ago, Reader1810 said:

 

This is when I knew that new guy wasnot a clone, and that everything was going to be good that time around.  

 

yay!!!  happily ever afters are good

This is a very ambitious project, and you handled it smoothly. As a storytelling poem, it works great. You give us tension at the beginning, a climax and then an uncertain future. Always one for equitable endings, you don't leave us hanging either.

Very well done  

21 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

This is a very ambitious project, and you handled it smoothly. As a storytelling poem, it works great. You give us tension at the beginning, a climax and then an uncertain future. Always one for equitable endings, you don't leave us hanging either.

 

Very well done  

Thank you AC.. i appreciate your help and suggestions!  This was an experiment and a lot of fun to try. Thanks again for you help and your comments.. xo

12 hours ago, Reader1810 said:

 

This made me nervous, tim. It felt like hopes had been dashed. The player may have known “the score”, but it seemed he wished to be seen as something more - I could feel his disappointment in these words. To borrow Dugh’s marvellous descriptor, the  “clone” bringing out the “something more” was simply grand. 

 

@MichaelS36

 

As for you, Mike? Thank you for sharing what only you see. That glimpse of tim, the writer, was perfection. 

 

Glad you enjoyed...it's interesting to watch him. 

What is it about this draws me back, over and over?