300 Letters - 22. Letter 21 (You & Your Chocolate)

1.11.2015

Dear C,

It’s Sunday today and I slept all day. I think my anti-depressants hit me hard.

I had your belt wrapped around my wrist all day today. I laid my head on it, so I could smell it – it made me feel like you were next to me.

Stupid – I know that’s what you would probably think of me right now. For me, however, having this belt here is a big deal.

How are you doing? I hope you are ok. Did you enjoy your Halloween night last night? I wonder what did you do? Maybe you met someone already, whom you keep close to your heart…?

I got 2 emails today – one from Lucia and one from Agnes. Agnes keeps writing to me quite often and she keeps telling me about her everyday life. It is so nice to read about it – makes me forget sometimes where I am – my sweet distraction. I miss her a lot.

Lucia told me a bit about your progress. I am so, so fucking happy that everything is going well. Lucia is amazing. Such a wonderful woman.

She promised me that she would look after your sister when she comes for her work experience to our office. I am so happy to know your sister will be in good hands. I wonder how would she react…? And I am 100% that my team will spoil her rotten – after all they know it is your sister and they know how much I care for her to feel comfortable there...

I bet she must hate me now, but I still treat her as my little sis I never had.

Anyway, Lucia told me that you and her would soon meet. How I wish I could be there…! Lucia also said that she would like to organise something for your coming birthday. Wow! Isn’t she just great? I told her how much you love chocolate and what kind, but not sure if you can eat chocolate nowadays… I also told her how much you love your tea cups! I wonder if you still have the one my mum bought you when we were in Warsaw…?

Lucia also wants to see me here by the end of November. I told her that she doesn’t need to waste her time on me – it is a long journey from London. You know, I look horrible these days – she would run away if she saw me!

Baby, I am not coping well without you. Knowing that you do not care about me anymore makes my tears never dry. It feels like my love for you has no expiration day. Sometimes I wish it had.

I wrote a separate letter to you as well. It’s about my meeting with a well-being nurse, who sometimes comes to see me. This letter is in the envelope now ready to be sent, but I don’t have enough courage to post it to you. Not yet.

My hands started to shake again, let me finish here.

I love you.

Forever Yours

Sebastian