300 Letters - 27. Letter 26 (Rossopomodorro)

11.11.2015

Dear C,

How I wish I knew how you really are.

All I am getting here is my mum’s feedback and I am sure she wouldn’t tell me if something was wrong – not to worry me. I spoke to her on the phone today and she told me she haven’t heard from you in a week, so obviously I got worried. I just hope you are ok.

Maybe you don’t want to keep in touch with her anymore…? I don’t know.

You know, today during the exercise time (that’s how they call the time when we are let out from our blocks to walk around the prison yard) I spoke to Geoff. He is an American guy, who came here with me from the previous prison. He is very pleasant, well-educated guy. He is trying to keep his relationship on with his boyfriend called Robert. He told me a bit about it. Robert comes to visit him frequently, which is nice.

I then thought to myself how much I would love to sit with you and talk. To be given the chance to look into your eyes and just talk.

But I have a feeling it might never happen.

I was looking at the birthday card that my mum bought and sent to me – the card meant for you. I asked her to do so a few weeks ago.

But I wonder if you’d even acknowledge this or rather put it straight in the rubbish bin… You birthday is in 13 days.

I bet you will have a great time with your loved ones and I am thrilled for you baby.

Do you remember your last birthday? You thought I forgot about it! But how could I? My mum was visiting us and even she got you lots of your favourite chocolates.

And the year before I surprised you with the tickets to see your favourite musical “Lion King”. And then I had Sara and your other friends waiting for us inside the Rossopomodoro restaurant to surprise you as we were going back home from the theatre. I pretended that I needed to pop in inside the restaurant to check something and here they were – waiting for you with birthday cake!

You were so surprised and I was so happy that I was able to make you happy.

Good times.

Who would have thought that your 2015 birthday will be so much different. Life can take such violent twists and turns.

Everything can change within a few days.

Everything.

I passed my English exams level 1. Had to make a Power Point presentation which went well, got a standing ovation.

It’s weird. I didn’t do much. I just talked about my experience when I was working on the QE2 cruise ship.

Nevermind.

My English teacher signed me up straight to English level 2 classes. I don’t care much to be honest. At least I am away from my cell. And I even get paid for it. I earn the whole 7 pounds a week here. Funny, isn’t it. Tragic in a way though.

Last night I started to think that maybe I should get my own business if I survive all this… I’d like to do something with art. People like my magic trees – the ones I create using watercolours. I love watercolours. Maybe I should call my business ‘The Magic Trees Art’? I wish I knew your opinion about it.

I guess, I will never find out.

A few days ago someone died here. People say he committed a suicide. I never knew who he was. I felt very sad about it though.

God is a joker (if he exists of course). He loves playing his little twisted games. But it’s not my job to judge.

Yesterday some young black guy started a fight on the exercise yard and hit some older guy with a can of tuna. There was some blood around and we had to immediately clear the yard and go back to our cells. It wasn’t pleasant.

The black guy has been put in a segregation unit – it’s a small building, where you have no TV, no radio – no nothing. Very basic.

There are always people there.

It’s almost midnight now baby, I’m gonna wrap up here. I miss you so fucking much.

Please be safe out there.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Sebastian