300 Letters - 78. Letter 77 (15 kg down!)

Letter 77

11 April 2016

Dear C,

The weather is getting warmer these days. I tend to spend more time on the yard, sometimes the sun is warm enough to sit on the bench and enjoy it. I close my eyes and dismiss the noise that all these people around me make. I disappear from here.

I received another gym certificate - my third one. It means I have lost 15kg so far. Not bad! I still want to lose some, long way to go. I wonder if you could see the difference if you saw me now...

I also had my first meeting today in regards to foreign nationals. I have become a foreign national rep for - this should get me some privileges, but to be honest I also care for all these foreigners who can hardly speak any English and have no clue what is going around. I suggested that prison should provide some kind of language help when these prisoners attend UK Border Agency meetings. These meetings are very important to them and these poor people can't understand what is being said to them...

But let me tell you: nothing's gonna change. Prison system here has no money, the prisons are overcrowded and there is not enough staff to cover shifts (hence they often have to cancel activities here due to the staff shortages).

My new job as a wing cleaner is a joke. I mean it takes me 20 minutes in the morning to complete it, then I have the whole morning to myself. Yet some idiots still complain how difficult it is. Joke. I guess they never held a proper job before. I got my green trousers and boots (cleaner's uniform) and the size of my trousers is now 36! Down from 42! And one thing for sure - I will never buy a pair of green trousers once my freedom is returned to me.

Some people also commented that I should get some new clothes as the old ones have become too big. I don't have enough money to purchase any new clothes now though. I'd rather spend whatever I earn here on art supplies. And they are so expensive.

You know, when I'm at the gym and do all these exercises I often think of you - when I feel like I can't push myself for one more leg raises or one more mile on a running machine - I do it just for you. Stupid, I know, but I don't care at this point.

I received a letter from Tanja today. She worked in HR in my previous job. I am really humbled she is keeping in touch. I love reading her stories and what's going on in her life now. She always manages to make me smile. Tanja moved back to Germany from London. I guess she also had enough of that workplace. She knows about us and the letters that I write to you. She believes it works like therapy and that I shouldn't stop until I leave this place. I am not going to stop. That's for sure.

I also met a new guy here, his name is Andy. He asked me to teach him the Polish language. He seems cool. He used to be a teacher. I gave him two lessons already and I realized that my Polish isn't that great anymore. Especially spelling. I wonder if you remember any Polish words that you learnt before.

You know, I often dream about going to the beach. It doesn't have to be somewhere expensive and tropical. All I want is the sand and the sea. To feel it under my feet again. To spend a whole day there. The weather doesn't even have to be sunny. I can be there on my own. I am getting used to not feeling other human's touch or hold hands or exchanging hugs anymore. Maybe one day, when my freedom is given back to me I will walk down the beach again...

Please look after yourself there.

Forever yours,

Sebastian