300 Letters - 51. Letter 50 (I lost 3 kg!)

10 January 2016

Dear C,

That was a crazy weekend C. Lucia came to visit me today. When they called my name to the visiting hall, she was already sitting there. When she saw me she started to cry. It broke my heart. I was trying so, so hard not to cry, but it didn't work. Seeing her cry was too emotional, especially knowing that she is a tough cookie and doesn't cry.

But it was also so good to see her again. Oh my...!

We talked about many things: work, people from work or people we both know. She told me how people reacted to the fact I was taken to prison and it broke my heart even more. Our team was in total disbelief, people were crying... One lady, Denise had to get some counselling help - she was so traumatized by all this. Can you imagine? I am still so overwhelmed by the response from the team. Their support is endless. Everyone stood by me. Everyone but you...

Of course, I had to ask Lucia about you. I was scared to do so, but I had to. Just saying your name out loud made me cry. She grabbed my hand and told me that you were doing fine. That you get weak sometimes, but you are fighting. I can only imagine. You have no idea how much I want you to be healthy again.

I cried so much that at some point I felt really stupid in front of Lucia. She must have thought of me that I was a proper crier. And I remember the time last year in May when you got news about your cancer, how Lucia always comforted me in the office. She kept telling me to be strong for you. And I swear I tried.

Lucia - if you ever read this - forgive me all the tears! I love you girl.

You know, towards the end of the visit Lucia made me even smile. I miss being around people like her. People who make me smile, make me laugh who make me feel good. It is often taken for granted and only when it's taken away from you - you start to appreciate it. I miss being around you.

Lucia told me things about Max (her son) and he is doing better now. What a relief! Remember, he has this thing that he doesn't feel pain. Very dangerous for a small child. Just imagine he is hurting himself without even knowing it! But the good news is that he is getting better. He is a lucky boy to have a mother like Lucia. She loves him so very much.

Then the visit came to an end. It seemed like it was 20 minutes. I didn't want Lucia to go.

I am very touched she used her free time to come and visit me here, We decided that I would call her on Tuesday and she would put me on the speakers so the team could say hello to me.

All of this makes me sad that you and I cannot communicate anymore, that you decided not to. I can't get it how you were able to erase me just like that.

I forgot to mention to you that I lost 3 kilos already - in one week! Adam (gym orderly) couldn't believe this. He asked me to step on the scale twice to see if it worked properly. It did. I am quite pleased with the results. It gave me more motivation to carry on.

Ok, it's almost midnight now - I am emotionally drained after today. I will sleep.

Look after yourself there please, be strong and never give up.

Forever yours,

Sebastian

http://www.sebastianbauerart.com