300 Letters - 85. Letter 84 (20 Laps. Thru the pain.)

Letter 84

1 May 2016

Dear C,

What a beautiful day it's been today! The sun was shining all day and it was really warm. Do you go out at all these days? I hope you don't have to spend your days indoors anymore? I hope you get to enjoy the warm weather, fresh air.

I was watching that stupid Britain Got Talent show last night and one married couple really got me. They performed a dance routine together and you could see the love they shared for one another. Simply beautiful. On top of it, their 7-year-old son was in the audience too. Everything was so mesmerizing. Just pure love. It made me cry and I think I must have cried myself to sleep as I woke up this morning with a massive headache.

However, I decided not to give up on my day today and went for jogging with DJ at 10 am. And guess what? I did 20 laps in total!!! 20 bloody laps! Me! This is around 7 km in total. And the best thing is that I went beyond the physical pain of my legs and I carried on jogging. A few people cheered as I was running and it was nice. I wish you could see me too...

Later on, after lunch - at around 2 pm - DJ and I went on a yard to sit on the ground. The sun was shining. It was so pleasant. I even got a bit of a suntan on my face. DJ and I were chatting and it was very nice. For a brief moment, it didn't even feel like I was in prison anymore.

And then, suddenly I just said out loud how much I was missing you... DJ told me that he knew how much I still cared about you and that I still loved you... He said that I should write to you a real letter - the one that I would actually send.I told him you didn't want to hear from me anymore and that I should respect your decision - even if it hurts me a lot.

DJ, however, was still very persistent I should write to you - regardless of your opinion.

Anyway, the late afternoon I spent with Andy and Steve. Andy had a visit today and he was so energized afterwards. His family came to see him. He was telling us about all of the sweets they bought him and how he swallowed it all in one go. He is missing his two little sons a lot, but he knows that soon he should be able to see them again (he is leaving prison in October this year). I will miss him, but I am happy he will be back to relatively normal life soon. He seems like a friend to keep.

The events of today and the conversations that I had, made me wonder if this ocean that is between us, will ever fade away one day...? Will we have enough courage to take a boat and meet halfway through the stormy waters? And will that storm ever calm down with the sun shining through the clouds? Or is it too late and everything that we have built is too broken now to be ever fixed again?

I'm missing you.

Forever yours,

Sebastian