300 Letters - 73. Letter 72 (Some are nice, some are really nasty)

Letter 72

1 April 2016

Dear C,

I must say this week have flown by which is a good thing.I was assigned to level 2 of music production classes today. I'm glad that I can be more creative. I shall start on Monday.

You know, prison is like a separate country. I have been observing and learning how things work here. It's not necessary the knowledge I planned to ever gain, but you can't change your destiny.You can modify it a bit, but you can never change it for sure. Guards are funny creatures. I guess I am lucky that I ended up on Res 5 (building 5). Apparently it has the best bunch of guards regularly assigned here. I must say I like them all. Some of them are really funny and some of them are quite chilled out. But that also means that if you ask them to do something for you - you can wait for months.

Everything here is scheduled. Nothing happens by accident, everything is programmed (like living in Matrix) - unless prisoners start to fight. The cells are opened every day at the same time at 8 am and we get locked each evening at 6 pm. Food is served at exactly same times: lunch at 12 noon, dinner at 5 pm. With dinner we get also breakfast for the next morning - a tiny pack of cereals and a tiny milk. Every single day. The food choices are exactly the same every week. Soon I will be able to tell you what day of the week it is just by looking at my lunch plate.

All the movements on the exercise yard are scheduled and the same every day too. I do not remember how it is like to be outside the building when it's dark. Or in the rain. They slightly change the routine for the summer months but basically it stays the same in most cases.

The health care department seems to be alright. The nurses are nice same as doctors. They actually treat you like a human being.

With guards that don't know you - it's a different story. They talk to you like a piece of shit. They even laugh at you right in front of you. The reception guards are the worst.

Once I was close to lose my temper with one of them, but I managed to compose myself. He started mocking me as I was picking up my CDs - I ordered some Enigma and Mike Oldfield's albums. And he was doing it in a very nasty ways.

Anyway, it's in the past now.

You see, here little things can get to you. It's easy to be re-living things that happen in this place simply because you can't escape them or get distracted with something else. On the outside you can go out, meet friends etc. Here you get locked up for 14 hrs every night and you think. Well, most of people do. I distract myself with painting and with writing these letters to you.

Last night I painted a watercolour piece. It's an old woman holding herbs. I saw a similar photograph of a woman in Croatia collecting some herbs in the forest and I really like the visuals. So I decided to paint this. I made it very watery and splashy. I kind of like it and this maybe could be my style? Lots of unfinished parts where you can see them with your imagination. It makes a painting more interesting. And now I am thinking of painting an old man - the same way I did with the woman. Let's see.

I jogged today again! My second time. With DJ obviously. I did 9 laps in 1 go!!! And then 3 more! I couldn't believe it. 12 laps in total. Yes, I thought I would leave this world during my jog, but I am well pleased now. And I didn't give a shit what other thought of me as I was jogging. DJ is a great motivator. I am pleased we met here and that he is only 2 doors away from me. Next Friday another jogging session.

I wish I could say "I can't wait for it", but that would be a big, fat lie!

C, how are you doing? Hope you are ok.

Look after yourself. And be good to yourself.

Forever yours,

Sebastian