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- 01/22/2020
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Into the fields of Summer - 29. Broken Soul 4
I felt empty, I felt numb, I felt helpless and I didn’t how all of this emptiness is eating me up on the inside. Whatever I got from that black book I read in my dream, it felt as if it was calling me to end it all. End the emptiness, end the pain, end my life.
But somehow I couldn’t, well... not yet. I have to try to be better, if not for my friend, boyfriend, dad, but for myself as well.
Breakfast was quiet. Dad and I barely spoke, I didn’t know how to start a conversation with him, do we just pretend nothing happened? I think dad was in a similar situation as well, we were both quiet but every time I glance on my father, I see him looking right back at me, there was worry, pain, and aside from that, there was love, a lot of love in the way he looks at me.
Dad didn’t want me to take lessons during that day, he wanted time to rest and take my time. I almost argued for me going back to how it was before but then thought otherwise, I needed a breather even if just for this day. I needed time to think, but quite honestly I don’t know where or how to begin. I need help and I know it.
Victor joined us for lunch and it was quiet as well. Well not entirely quiet but you know what I mean.
Dad had already schedule for me to meet a Psych counselor in the afternoon. Dr. Page insisted that I see one, and with my social withdrawal let alone thoughts of suicide, I agreed I had to see one.
I had to get better. Dad, Victor, and Leo have always been there for me but this time, I think, I need professional help.
Dad and Victor drove me to the Counselor’s office, it was several miles out, in a neighboring town actually. Apparently there wasn’t any mental health counseling office in our town.
We entered a nondescript building, it looked to be at least 20 years old but it wasn’t run down or anything. The neighborhood was a mix of small stores and small apartments, decent center of town vibe for a small town I thought.
We walked through corridors of the building, it was actually better inside, warmer as well, the walls were painted white accented with brown and gray. We entered a rather large unit and we were warmly welcomed by a young male receptionist. He was white, had curly brown hair and a smooth face.
“Hi, I am Timothy, I’m Dr. Rodriguez’ assistant, how may I help you?” The young man said.
“We have an appointment at 3pm, for Chris Rogers” my dad said.
“Oh I see, why don’t you have a seat and I’ll let you know when the doctor is ready to see you” the guy said as he made sure we were comfortable in the couches right across him.
At 2:55, Timothy called for me and ushered me to Dr. Rodriguez’ office.
I entered the room, it was nicely lit, the walls were of dark wood panels, window shades let in the afternoon sun. Behind a desk was a nicely built Latino man. He had a tightly trimmed hair, his eyes were dark brown and he had a gorgeous five o’clock shadow. The man stood up and he was about 5’10, he walked over to me and shook my hand “Hi, I’m Dr. Marco Rodriguez, you must be Chris Rogers?” He said.
He made sure I was comfortably seated on the wooden chair in front of his desk before you went back to his own.
“I’m a good friend of Dr. Page, we go a long way back, and he’s informed me of your situation, I’m glad to see you here, I know you must have a lot of things in your mind, and a lot of it may not even make sense at this moment, but if you give me the chance to help you, to be here for you, then I’m sure you’ll come out stronger” he said. His voice was firm but not intimidating, he somehow was warm and professional at the same time, and those perfect white teeth were just disarming.
We spent the next hour talking, at first I was hesitant but 15 minutes into the session, I became more and more open. I cried, several times actually, and Dr. Rodriguez listened and talked to me. He helped me make sense of my feelings. The feelings of emptiness, self hate, frustration. Of course we weren’t able to discuss everything in the one hour we spent but after I left his office, somehow I felt a bit better, this might be just what I needed.
The ride home was fairly quiet, talk about the weather and events in town. Nothing much else was said. It seemed like neither dad nor Victor could come up with a topic for the ride home, they were clearly thinking of things to cheer me up but they themselves were having problems of how to approach that very idea.
We three decided to have Mexican food delivered for dinner. I wasn’t really in the mood for cooking and neither was dad.
“So dad, can I start with lessons again tomorrow?” I asked while we three were seated in the living room.
“Sure thing, if you’re up for it, but quite honestly, I think you can still miss a few more days, you’re actually several weeks ahead now in the lesson plan” dad grinned.
“Hehe, dad, I know... but I just want to get back to our old routine” I said, I thought I had to do something or else I’m gonna seriously lose it.
Victor smiled as he noticed that the energy and vibe between me and dad were getting better. I wasn’t in any shape or form back to my old self, far from it actually, but I’m getting there, a single step among a thousand, I want to get past this.
I looked at Victor and said. “Lessons again with Henry tomorrow afternoon?, I can’t get flabby, hehe” I had to get back to my normal routine or to at least some semblance of what my life was before.
Victor snickered a bit and said “Oh, Henry’s out of town tomorrow for some Vampire business” he paused a bit, then said “say what... I’ll give you a better deal, you train with me” His smile was warm and welcoming, something that slightly tickled my insides.
“Sure thing, I really have to train now since soccer season is on break, coach drills us extra hard when we get back on Spring and the first few sessions are grueling, I don’t want to be like some of my club mates that have nearly fainted coz they barely did any exercise over winter”
“Okay, let’s keep you in tip top shape then, you and Leo actually, hehe, I don’t want my star players to be bumming around, especially now that you guys are actually doing good in the rankings.” Victor said.
“Let’s just hope we win the next two games then” I replied, thinking about the last 2 preliminary round games on Spring.
Our food delivery arrived a few minutes later, dinner was uneventful, still more quiet than usual but neither Victor nor dad did not push me to talk about anything. If anything, I think they’re just happy I spoke more today and engaged more with them.
Leo dropped by just after we had dinner. “So Leo, have you heard that it’s Victor that’s training us tomorrow?” I said.
“No shit?!” Leo said, in surprise.
“If you’ll have me” Victor said.
“As long as you teach us how you do all those fancy smanshy moves”
“I’ll try” Victor grinned. But somehow I felt some sadness in his voice.
“Dude, we have to be vampires to pull off those moves” I said, making it clear to Leo that we were just ordinary humans, all that flipping around and spinning that Henry and Victor did will clearly give me motion sickness.
After a few more minutes of tv, Leo excused himself, he gave me a hug and then later on Victor and I excused ourselves to bed.
Victor and I were cuddling when I said. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened okay?”
“What do you mean”
I hugged him tighter. “I sensed that you somehow being more involved in my training and self defense lessons is one of your ways to ...” my voice trailed off.
“Well... I should have been there you know”
“No... no... just no Victor, stop it, If you’ll keep blaming yourself, the only solution you’ll find is to be always by my side, and we know that’s not possible, and even if it was, that’s not really a healthy relationship is it?” He was hugging me back tighter by now. “However I do agree we should take more precautions, well, I trust you so much already, so, how about a GPS tracker for the both of us, we’ll, actually if you can, you might actually extend it to the rest of the gang, especially your other officers, this could’ve happened to anyone, and it could have been a lot worse”
Victor didn’t reply. He just gave me a small kiss and we both fell asleep hugging each other.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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