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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 24. Chapter 24 I'm Fine

More me... doubts assail, and I must cope....

Headstall’s Reflections

 

 

Chapter 24 I’m Fine

 

 

“Fine,” I say though I not be

A quick and practiced response to cower behind

Rather than rip stitches from festering wounds

Alone, there can be no subterfuge, no shields

Flippancy fails when I’m flinging away tears

 

Self-sacrifice… such a noble course to choose

Or maybe it’s just cowardice

And who truly gains from it

He who takes it upon himself

He who is the reason for it… or neither

 

I was so damn sure

Too big a chance to take and too much to lose

But looking behind drowns me in doubt

Can love conquer all?

As much as I’ve wished, it never has before

 

Stoic am I because I must be

At least in the presence of others

My façade an act to stave off collapse

And temporary this must be

Decisions reached and we move on

 

Or pretend to as we wait on time’s balm

And when asked I say

“Oh yes, things are good, thanks”

“Yeah, no worries”

“I’m fine”

 

I am naught but a lying fool

Thanks for reading....

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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I can definitely relate to that feeling...put on a smile, say "I'm fine" when you're anything but. :hug: I hope things go on the upswing soon. :hug:

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On 09/17/2016 05:32 AM, Valkyrie said:

I can definitely relate to that feeling...put on a smile, say "I'm fine" when you're anything but. :hug: I hope things go on the upswing soon. :hug:

Thanks, Val. I'd say "I'm fine" but you'd know I'd be lying. :) It's a process, and I go back and forth... really, how many chances do I have left? Thanks for getting it, and the review... Gary...

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Gary - wonderful poem. I think your facade has rather slipped and fallen to the floor after that. You have a gazzilion friends here you can talk to and i'm sure more in the real world. And if you have that chance for love and happiness, well seriously consider it. Why shouldn't you have it too? Anyway that's my two cents for what it's worth.
You always have my love and friendship.
tim xoxo

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On 09/17/2016 06:11 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Gary - wonderful poem. I think your facade has rather slipped and fallen to the floor after that. You have a gazzilion friends here you can talk to and i'm sure more in the real world. And if you have that chance for love and happiness, well seriously consider it. Why shouldn't you have it too? Anyway that's my two cents for what it's worth.

You always have my love and friendship.

tim xoxo

Yeah... tired of holding everything in... more like impossible... thanks, tim xoxoxo

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Hoho! Your little bit of introspection has pulled the veil covering the uncomfortable truth which lies within us all!

 

So well expressed, Gary. So many stingingly familiar phrases.
But my favorite was unfamiliar to me: "time's balm." Yes, that is what allows us, every one, to survive!

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On 09/19/2016 03:08 PM, skinnydragon said:

Hoho! Your little bit of introspection has pulled the veil covering the uncomfortable truth which lies within us all!

 

So well expressed, Gary. So many stingingly familiar phrases.

But my favorite was unfamiliar to me: "time's balm." Yes, that is what allows us, every one, to survive!

Thanks, skinny. I really appreciate your thoughts and the support. I'm not going to lie... this one hurt... "time's balm"... I rely on it... cheers, my friend... Gary....

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Oops, missed the one. How many times have said "I'm fine" when we really weren't fine? It almost seems like an autonomic response nowadays. I guess putting on that facade is easier...but is it really?
Gary, you are an excellent teller of fictional tales but you are also capable of great insights too.

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On 09/23/2016 12:01 PM, Reader1810 said:

Oops, missed the one. How many times have said "I'm fine" when we really weren't fine? It almost seems like an autonomic response nowadays. I guess putting on that facade is easier...but is it really?

Gary, you are an excellent teller of fictional tales but you are also capable of great insights too.

Thanks, Reader. Poetry lets me bare some of my soul, and sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it seems not... thanks for your support... I can't tell you what it means on those days I'm feeling down :hug: Cheers... Gary....

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How did I miss this one? You write a searing poem on two small words loaded with meaning. It is written so well...well enough that I want to hug you and tell you just to tell me what hurts long before the final lie is told. And yet, we wonder whether everyone else really wants to hear the real answer, the real response, instead of those two little words. And so the small voices in our heads play us for fools. Thank you for sharing this, even though it brought you pain.

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On 10/15/2016 08:21 AM, Parker Owens said:

How did I miss this one? You write a searing poem on two small words loaded with meaning. It is written so well...well enough that I want to hug you and tell you just to tell me what hurts long before the final lie is told. And yet, we wonder whether everyone else really wants to hear the real answer, the real response, instead of those two little words. And so the small voices in our heads play us for fools. Thank you for sharing this, even though it brought you pain.

Thanks for getting it, and your words of comfort... I'll take that hug... :heart:

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I can definitely relate to this one. How true. I agree with Reader1810, those two little words can be like an automatic response. I hope you’re feeling better *hugs*

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On 10/15/2016 07:54 PM, Arazon said:

I can definitely relate to this one. How true. I agree with Reader1810, those two little words can be like an automatic response. I hope you’re feeling better *hugs*

I think we've all been there... some things are to painful to acknowledge until we are alone... :heart:

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I've been through periods at work where 'I'm fine' was the only possible response to questions. There was nothing to be gained by saying otherwise and I'm sure other people didn't want to hear anything different. They had their own problems, I had mine.

 

'I'm fine' was like a carapace, almost, trapping in all sorts of feelings as well as keeping out other peoples' enquiries. I feel for you. :hug:

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On 02/20/2017 09:06 AM, northie said:

I've been through periods at work where 'I'm fine' was the only possible response to questions. There was nothing to be gained by saying otherwise and I'm sure other people didn't want to hear anything different. They had their own problems, I had mine.

 

'I'm fine' was like a carapace, almost, trapping in all sorts of feelings as well as keeping out other peoples' enquiries. I feel for you. :hug:

The first time I've revisited the actual poem since I wrote it. All that hurt surged again to the surface... but I thank you for bringing me back here, northie. I've been guilty of this again... saying 'I'm fine' when I'm not. I'm having a cleansing release right now... thanks for the hug... xoxo

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