Jump to content
  • Join For Free and Get Notified of New Chapters!

    Are you enjoying a great story and want to get an alert or email when a new chapter is posted? Join now for free and follow your favorite stories and authors!  You can even choose to get daily or weekly digest emails instead of getting flooded with an email for each story you follow. 

     

    Headstall
  • Author
  • 378 Words
  • 920 Views
  • 18 Comments

Headstall's Reflections - 71. Chapter 71 First Love

An old man looking back.

                                                                                                                                                                    *****

 

First Love

 

How should I describe such as you

To those of mortal flesh

How can I impart your due

In this poesy from my heart

 

What words could possibly serve

To explain your effect on me

Or of how your lips would curve

When I caused you some delight

 

Tell me, dare I touch upon

Honeyed eyes reflecting love

And would you wish to stay anon

Were I to write for you a sonnet

 

To let fly my adoration

As I beheld you in those days

And tell of my distraction

At your devoted presence

 

Should I speak of tawny hair

Or the grace with which you moved

Expound upon your ardent care

Concealed from all but me

 

Alas, we swayed but did not bend

So afraid to admit our truth

And time has taken its stipend

From unspoken love unrequited

 

Contentment comes in many forms

But the loss of us haunts me still

I wish we had ignored such norms

That kept us from acting bravely

 

We cast something pure as jaded

Yet your photo I’ve always carried

With not a single memory faded

I wonder… is it the same for you?

 

Do I inhabit any corner of your life

Or am I a shadow who’s long gone

Looking back, I regret when fear was rife

And bear the injury of our choice

 

I doubt you’ll see this humble ode

Because my shame keeps me pinned

Sorry… I should have heaved the load

My cowardice let me carry

 

I believe you would have followed suit

If I had found my strength

And given smothering doubts the boot

If, just once, I’d taken you in my arms

 

 

*

Thanks for reading. Do you still remember your first love?

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 2
  • Love 11

Story Discussion Topic

Open Club · 81 members · Last active

A fan club for Headstall to chat about his stories as well as home to CoTT House of Cards Chat Topic

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

How do you distinguish a first love from an infatuation?  That's difficult especially for us from the days when our love wasn't acceptable and all we had were longings and dreams and wishful fantasies.  I discount all those we would never meet like film stars or television actors however much we yearned for them.  So, someone in our school or town who we'd see often but perhaps not interact with for that very fear...can it be love if it's one-sided or unspoken?
Was it my real Jay from school as I paint in my story?  We talked, the initial incident of a note happened and yet I feared being more than a casual friend.  Maybe it was my first sexual partner--a friend who once the subject was broached of my first coming out, offered to guide me, only to later marry after several years?
Over the years there were chances, but none worked out until the most unlikely came into the picture.  A friend's friend met in a group one evening, being warned off him as being unaccepting...then having him appear at my doorstep months later asking to be friends, that later turned to more  and lasted over a decade though the big L was seldom said but mutually understood.
So, I guess I'd have to say, my first was also my last, for once he died, the spirit was gone.  Memories can be bittersweet, but also a wonderful reliving of life's best moments shared.  Was it a Grand Romance?  I don't know because we were together and sparks flew and energized us, and that was enough for me.
Miss you still, K.   

  • Like 1
  • Love 3
Link to comment

Beautiful sentiments, Gary.

I wonder just how many of our generation look back on that first love that dared not speak its name? At that time when what we felt was considered by the rest of society to be so far outside the norm that we didn't even believe it to be possible ourselves.

Thankfully many of the current generation do not need to deny their feelings. Don't need to hide their love away..

  • Love 3
Link to comment
19 hours ago, Albert1434 said:

Wow I just love this poem so moving thanks for sharing such as this :kiss:❤️

Thanks, Albert. Writing this one left me unsettled, and I fell into a bit of a pit. More and more I seem to let these poems sit on a shelf for a while, until I become comfortable enough to post. Time... it's a tricky, erratic thing. :hug: 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
18 hours ago, clochette said:

Such beautiful words. Bittersweet but moving. I guess we all carry some of those feelings :hug:

Yeah, I agree. We all know the intricacies of first love... I just wish mine could have followed a natural course, unencumbered by fear and self loathing. C'est la vie. Thanks, Tink. :hug: 

Link to comment
18 hours ago, Geron Kees said:

Sigh. I still remember my first love. Obviously, you do, too. Thanks for the memories!

I hope it is a good memory for you, my friend. Thank you for reading and supporting. :hug: 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
15 hours ago, ColumbusGuy said:

How do you distinguish a first love from an infatuation?  That's difficult especially for us from the days when our love wasn't acceptable and all we had were longings and dreams and wishful fantasies.  I discount all those we would never meet like film stars or television actors however much we yearned for them.  So, someone in our school or town who we'd see often but perhaps not interact with for that very fear...can it be love if it's one-sided or unspoken?
Was it my real Jay from school as I paint in my story?  We talked, the initial incident of a note happened and yet I feared being more than a casual friend.  Maybe it was my first sexual partner--a friend who once the subject was broached of my first coming out, offered to guide me, only to later marry after several years?
Over the years there were chances, but none worked out until the most unlikely came into the picture.  A friend's friend met in a group one evening, being warned off him as being unaccepting...then having him appear at my doorstep months later asking to be friends, that later turned to more  and lasted over a decade though the big L was seldom said but mutually understood.
So, I guess I'd have to say, my first was also my last, for once he died, the spirit was gone.  Memories can be bittersweet, but also a wonderful reliving of life's best moments shared.  Was it a Grand Romance?  I don't know because we were together and sparks flew and energized us, and that was enough for me.
Miss you still, K.   

I just want to hug you fiercely right now, buddy. :hug:  I wish with all my heart things had turned out differently for you and Kevin... I wish that for me too sometimes. I never had any doubts about what I was feeling... it's still there, and it still comes with pain attached. Love you, my dear friend. :kiss: 

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
22 minutes ago, Marty said:

Beautiful sentiments, Gary.

I wonder just how many of our generation look back on that first love that dared not speak its name? At that time when what we felt was considered by the rest of society to be so far outside the norm that we didn't even believe it to be possible ourselves.

Thankfully many of the current generation do not need to deny their feelings. Don't need to hide their love away..

It's nice when someone totally understands just how difficult those times were. Our loves weren't perverted... it was the minds of people who considered us abominations that were 'wrong.' The problem was, it wasn't so clear and cut and dried at the time. I was surrounded by all these expectations... and so was he, and fear, and confusion, and self hate clouded my vision. I still feel that love, and it still makes me sad. Thanks, Marty. :hug:    

  • Like 2
  • Love 2
Link to comment


My first love married someone else, I saw him 5 years later, his partner was extremely jealous; but when we shook hands, he held my hand a little longer and said "" You never quite forget your first love.'' No regrets, he has still the loving eyes and great smile. I wish him well.

Edited by Job
  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
9 hours ago, Job said:


My first love married someone else, I saw him 5 years later, his partner was extremely jealous; but when we shook hands, he held my hand a little longer and said "" You never quite forget your first love.'' No regrets, he has still the loving eyes and great smile. I wish him well.

Thanks for sharing a beautiful, personal moment, buddy. I hope mine is happy too. :hug: 

Link to comment

Yes, I well remember him. Like you, I recall details of outline and shade of flesh in the sun. The recollection is bittersweet, and melancholy too - just as your lovely poem is. 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Yes, I well remember him. Like you, I recall details of outline and shade of flesh in the sun. The recollection is bittersweet, and melancholy too - just as your lovely poem is. 

I can recall everything... many shared moments to play like a movie in my head. The clarity of those times is both comforting and painful. Bittersweet and melancholy... exactly. Thanks for sharing your memory, Parker. :hug: 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
5 hours ago, aditus said:

I do remember his black hair like a raven's wing...

A lovely, wistful poem, Gary.:hug: 

Wistful... yes. Thanks, Adi. I'm sure you remember more... like I do. :)  I appreciate your thoughts. :hug: 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Newsletter

    You probably have a crazy and hectic schedule and find it hard to keep up with everything going on.  We get it, because we feel it too.  Signing up here is a great way to keep in touch and find something relaxing to read when you get a few moments to spare.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..