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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 27. Chapter 27 Remorse

Self-indulgent wallowing....

Headstall’s Reflections

 

 

Chapter 27 Remorse

 

 

I should have expected it

That my wish would become a wallop

I got exactly what I asked for

Repeatedly encouraging you to let go

Yet, I feel like pulverizing something

Someone… the reflection with red-rimmed eyes

Staring accusingly back at me

 

I told you what you needed to do

Move on move on move on move on

So many times that I convinced myself I meant it

Buying my own deception

My frayed mind understands

My tattered heart doesn’t

It grieves for what I insisted it push away

 

My brain knows we’ve done the right thing

But I want to scream

Fuck the right thing

I want to be selfish and pull you back into my arms

And hold on for dear life

I wish you well, I really do

I don’t want you to worry about my wounds

They’re self-inflicted

 

I thought I was prepared

I was wrong… so wrong

I’ll put a smile in my voice

When you call and tell me how it went

I know you will be kind, probably too much so

To admit any connection

Though it would take a damn fool not to love you

 

But I will be too

Untruthfully kind, that is

I’ll tell you I’m okay with it

And I’ll assuage any guilt you might feel

It won’t be the first time I’ll ignore the wailing of my heart

Or the sorrow in my soul

And I will refrain from telling you

That I will always love you

Thanks for reading this old fool's words....

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Reflection # 27 spells it out most clearly. Doing what is right isn't easy but it does take a lot of courage. That is something you have in spades, my friend.
Powerful words, Gary, powerful words... :hug: :hug:

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I liked this for the poetry itself and not the content. I can't like something when I know it means my friend is hurting :hug:

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I send you a deep and heartfelt hug for what you felt you had to do, and then another for the pain and hurt you endure. But most of all, I wish you peace and healing for the cry of hurt this poem conveys all too well. You write so effectively, so clearly, and the ache comes right through.

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Dammit but I ache for you. I have one question ... is this what you both wanted or something you felt you had to do for him?

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Holy sh%% Gary.
That was some powerful stuff. I read it twice, then I read it to 16 year old daughter, she also said WOW.
That you hurt really sucks. That you have this gift doesn't. For us. If I had a magic wand, I would take it away.

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I can't effectively review this my dear. I can barely see to type. What I can say is you have definitely made us all feel how a grown up deals with pain. And for me personally this resonates because not everyone understands how some of us can appear just fine on the outside and they can't even imagine the strength it takes to deal with what is brewing and swirling around on the inside.
I wish there was a way any of us that love you could take away some of that pain, but I know first had it doesn't work that way. I am so grateful though that you have this, the writing, to get some of it out and on to paper. We all need a way to purge even a small portion of that type of pain.

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Separating heart from mind. The most difficult task for a human being.
There is no trite set of words that can console.
The rational "us" knows the other choice, the one the heart yearns for, could lead to an undesirable end game, but that won't alleviate the grief, not one whit.

 

Well written and expressed, Gary.

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On 10/07/2016 03:35 AM, Reader1810 said:

Reflection # 27 spells it out most clearly. Doing what is right isn't easy but it does take a lot of courage. That is something you have in spades, my friend.

Powerful words, Gary, powerful words... :hug: :hug:

Time to answer these... thanks, Reader... don't feel very courageous, but I appreciate the sentiment... :heart:

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On 10/07/2016 04:06 AM, LitLover said:

I liked this for the poetry itself and not the content. I can't like something when I know it means my friend is hurting :hug:

Thanks, Lit... hurting is a part of life... :heart:

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On 10/07/2016 04:46 AM, Parker Owens said:

I send you a deep and heartfelt hug for what you felt you had to do, and then another for the pain and hurt you endure. But most of all, I wish you peace and healing for the cry of hurt this poem conveys all too well. You write so effectively, so clearly, and the ache comes right through.

Thank you, Parker... hugs help... :heart:

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On 10/07/2016 05:48 AM, dughlas said:

Dammit but I ache for you. I have one question ... is this what you both wanted or something you felt you had to do for him?

Neither one of us wanted this, dugh... thank you for caring... :heart:

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On 10/07/2016 06:50 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Geezus Gary ... you know what I'm gonna say ... so I won't. I wish you'd remove your shackles.

xo

Thanks, tim... xo... :heart:

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On 10/07/2016 10:02 AM, mollyhousemouse said:

Holy sh%% Gary.

That was some powerful stuff. I read it twice, then I read it to 16 year old daughter, she also said WOW.

That you hurt really sucks. That you have this gift doesn't. For us. If I had a magic wand, I would take it away.

I really appreciate your words and your concern, molly... :heart:

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On 10/08/2016 12:30 AM, pzetts3 said:

I can't effectively review this my dear. I can barely see to type. What I can say is you have definitely made us all feel how a grown up deals with pain. And for me personally this resonates because not everyone understands how some of us can appear just fine on the outside and they can't even imagine the strength it takes to deal with what is brewing and swirling around on the inside.

I wish there was a way any of us that love you could take away some of that pain, but I know first had it doesn't work that way. I am so grateful though that you have this, the writing, to get some of it out and on to paper. We all need a way to purge even a small portion of that type of pain.

I'm grateful too, Pam. It's tough for both of us, but we have to deal... thank you, my friend... :heart:

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On 10/08/2016 02:59 AM, skinnydragon said:

Separating heart from mind. The most difficult task for a human being.

There is no trite set of words that can console.

The rational "us" knows the other choice, the one the heart yearns for, could lead to an undesirable end game, but that won't alleviate the grief, not one whit.

 

Well written and expressed, Gary.

Wise words, my friend... thank you... :heart:

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G-Man, all I can do is send you my love through the aether, you know I hope that it's genuine despite our never having met in person...but we forged our connection through our boys and those bankrupting chats while I was in the rehab center.
I've felt remorse over many things, but sadly, it was always me that got dumped--I was always hit out of the blue, unaware that my partner's had any problem. I don't know why, but I always tried to keep the lines of communication open, but that had to work both ways, I guess.
Take all the strength you need from me...it's freely given.
xoxoxoxo

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On 10/13/2016 01:14 PM, ColumbusGuy said:

G-Man, all I can do is send you my love through the aether, you know I hope that it's genuine despite our never having met in person...but we forged our connection through our boys and those bankrupting chats while I was in the rehab center.

I've felt remorse over many things, but sadly, it was always me that got dumped--I was always hit out of the blue, unaware that my partner's had any problem. I don't know why, but I always tried to keep the lines of communication open, but that had to work both ways, I guess.

Take all the strength you need from me...it's freely given.

xoxoxoxo

Thanks, CG. Of course it's genuine... our friendship. Thanks for lending me your strength... it helps. This one, this situation, was so hard to write about... much love and many thanks :heart:

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On 10/15/2016 08:17 PM, Arazon said:

Wow, such a powerful piece. This really got to me. Sending you another hug my friend

Thanks for the hugs, and for taking the time to read and review my little reflections :heart:

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