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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 42. Chapter 42 Static

Mired in misery.

Headstall’s Reflections

 

 

Chapter 42 Static

 

 

It’s a good thing I can stand my own company

Though I must admit I sometimes do tire of me

For I find myself for the most part alone

My constant company is my laptop and phone

 

Is this temporary, or a sign of life to come?

To think it may be permanent makes me numb

My kids are building amazing lives of their own

And their time for me sometimes feels it’s on loan

 

I understand the benefits of baring my heart

An ending has happened and I need a new start

This reality I get, the need to move past grief

But when is the time right to turn over that leaf

 

I’m floundering badly in this too shallow pool

As I wait for that recharge and my soul’s renewal

Stuck in a wicked quagmire of my own making

Enduring a primal thirst that I should be slaking

 

Too much reflection and not enough action

Is wallowing giving me some sick satisfaction?

I keep telling myself that I should be ready

But for now I still feel the need to hold steady

 

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll change my static mind

Maybe tomorrow I’ll seek out and I’ll find

A thread that pulls me away from my gloom

And lifts me from this seductive pit of doom

 

It’s easier to relive sweet memories of what was

Remain in that trap and let life do what it does

Why has it become harder to let go of what’s gone

Why I am I so afraid of breaking a new dawn

 

There’s a pit in my stomach that’s made up of fear

I cradle it there as if it’s something held dear

I know it’s not healthy, a crutch and a flaw

Love is worth the risks even if I’m flayed raw

Life is a journey, and it's not always easy.

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Gary, just like our tim, you have an incredible way with words. wish I could make it better for you, my friend. xoxo

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Ah, my dear friend, you never fail to capture what's in my heart, even if I didn't let it register in my consciousness until your words bring it forth.
I want to say, 'Love is always worth the risk'--but fears real and imaginary hold those words in check...and yet, you know of my relationship with Kevin--that most unlikely of boyfriends--and yet, it was my longest-lasting journey into the heart.
This brings to mind--do you seek love, or let it find you? I don't really know, but in the times I actively sought out my heart's companion, it didn't work out. Only those times when it took me by surprise did it even come close. Maybe the act of seeking puts blinkers on what we see, so that we ignore things that would be plain to casual non-involved eyes?
Maybe those same limitations are there for those close to us already--preventing us from thinking of the possiblities? That was the way of my first experience...with a friend I'd known for years, but hadn't even considered a prospect....
I don't have any answers, just questions to pile alongside yours...XOXOXOXO

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This is a searing, simple cry of the heart. You express yourself so eloquently in plain words. It is a gift. Were I able to keep company with you awhile, I would offer you friendship, conversation and a warm hug of affirmation. As it happens, your words touch me as deeply, and I my grateful for them.

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A wonderful poem! So emotional and sad but still with hope. I wish, there is something to say, that would make you feel better. My try: The heart is the widest space we own.
Hug you Lyssa

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So eloquent, clear and poignant. So matter of fact, as well, though.
I, and many other people, can offer you the far-off hand of friendship but, sadly, that's never going to be enough for you. :hug:

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On 01/22/2017 10:27 AM, Reader1810 said:

Gary, just like our tim, you have an incredible way with words. wish I could make it better for you, my friend. xoxo

You just did. Thanks, Reader :hug:

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On 01/22/2017 12:03 PM, ColumbusGuy said:

Ah, my dear friend, you never fail to capture what's in my heart, even if I didn't let it register in my consciousness until your words bring it forth.

I want to say, 'Love is always worth the risk'--but fears real and imaginary hold those words in check...and yet, you know of my relationship with Kevin--that most unlikely of boyfriends--and yet, it was my longest-lasting journey into the heart.

This brings to mind--do you seek love, or let it find you? I don't really know, but in the times I actively sought out my heart's companion, it didn't work out. Only those times when it took me by surprise did it even come close. Maybe the act of seeking puts blinkers on what we see, so that we ignore things that would be plain to casual non-involved eyes?

Maybe those same limitations are there for those close to us already--preventing us from thinking of the possiblities? That was the way of my first experience...with a friend I'd known for years, but hadn't even considered a prospect....

I don't have any answers, just questions to pile alongside yours...XOXOXOXO

Sometimes we get lost in our journeys, buddy xoxoxoxoxoxo

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On 01/22/2017 12:12 PM, Mikiesboy said:

Gary, beautiful but kinda sad. You have lots to offer, don't hide yourself away... hugs

tim xoxo

Thanks, tim... I'm trying not to, but it's hard to move forward... I'll get there xoxoxoxoox

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On 01/22/2017 02:40 PM, Parker Owens said:

This is a searing, simple cry of the heart. You express yourself so eloquently in plain words. It is a gift. Were I able to keep company with you awhile, I would offer you friendship, conversation and a warm hug of affirmation. As it happens, your words touch me as deeply, and I my grateful for them.

Thank you, Parker. Cyber hugs can be felt :hug:

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On 01/22/2017 07:39 PM, Lyssa said:

A wonderful poem! So emotional and sad but still with hope. I wish, there is something to say, that would make you feel better. My try: The heart is the widest space we own.

Hug you Lyssa

Beautiful. Thank you, Lyssa. This does make me feel better :hug:

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On 01/23/2017 04:51 AM, northie said:

So eloquent, clear and poignant. So matter of fact, as well, though.

I, and many other people, can offer you the far-off hand of friendship but, sadly, that's never going to be enough for you. :hug:

It's enough for now. Sometimes I need to take baby steps... thank you :hug:

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Moving on and taking a chance with your heart can never be an easy decision. As always you put that struggle into focus with your words. :hug:

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You wear your feelings on your sleeve here, my friend, but it's relatable to so many. Love IS worth the risk, despite the hesitations and the possibilities for disappointment. I have to remind myself of that, too. An awful lot of people here feel great things for you, and that's pretty priceless.

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On 01/23/2017 11:28 AM, LitLover said:

Moving on and taking a chance with your heart can never be an easy decision. As always you put that struggle into focus with your words. :hug:

Thank you, my friend :hug:

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On 01/23/2017 11:38 AM, MacGreg said:

You wear your feelings on your sleeve here, my friend, but it's relatable to so many. Love IS worth the risk, despite the hesitations and the possibilities for disappointment. I have to remind myself of that, too. An awful lot of people here feel great things for you, and that's pretty priceless.

Yes, it is priceless, Mac, and it helps. Thank you. :hug:

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