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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 85. Chapter 85 Here I Be

A maudlin moment....

Here I Be

 

 

Here I be

Morose in my bed

Just me and my dog

Uneasy about looking forward

And reluctant to look back

My gaze trapped by the ceiling

A blanket of cold, suffocating white

Of which I am well acquainted

As with each imperfection hidden

How did I get here?

Alone in this room

Alone in this house

Alone in this life

Littered by mistakes I’ve made

They hide in all the corners

But I can see each one

As they mock me

I pretended they were smart choices

Products of now questionable wisdom

And the need to protect a heart

That has been battered anyway

At my own hand

By my own regrets

Stupid man

To take the safe path

Leading not where you truly wished

So here I be

Sprawled in my bed

With tears brimming and sliding

Some dampen the sheets

While others are wiped away

With a well-practiced motion

As one makes one’s bed

So one finds it

So here I be

Unwilling to look forward

Afraid of what’s to come

Exhausted by looking back

And terrified of being trapped

In memories that blister my callouses

There is anguish in either direction

No better than the emptiness

My life has chosen for its home

So here I be

Just me and my dog

 

 

*

What is life without regrets? I wouldn't know.... Thanks for reading. Oh, and I'm fine. This just happens to be my first poetry in ages. Cheers!

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Just now, Parker Owens said:

Your poem cuts close to the bone, for neither do I know a life without regrets.  You are not alone under your white blanket. 

That doesn't surprise me. I would think there are many who have these moments while staring at the ceiling. Thanks, Parker. :hug: 

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4 hours ago, Albert1434 said:

What powerful images and moving words I love the true mean of this good Poem!

Thanks, Albert. I appreciate you reading this and letting me know you felt it. :hug: 

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47 minutes ago, re2 said:

Fine? Hmmm. 

I let it out of the box to breathe and then put it back in and close it up till the next time. Been doing versions of that my whole life. Thanks, buddy. :hug: 

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54 minutes ago, Headstall said:

I let it out of the box to breathe and then put it back in and close it up till the next time. Been doing versions of that my whole life. 

Any of us with mileage can relate…..😘 🍻

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29 minutes ago, FanLit said:

Any of us with mileage can relate…..😘 🍻

We have to deal with the hands we are dealt. Yeah, with mileage we lose the illusion that time is on our side, and that we can still triumph. :hug: 

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2 minutes ago, centexhairysub said:

WOW, how haunting...

Hey, centex. Thanks for taking the time to read my poem. I'm pleased to hear you felt this one. I'm doing okay, but yeah, haunted is a really good word for how I feel sometimes. I think it's something most of us feel, unless our life has gone to plan. :)  Cheers. :hug: 

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I can feel every word, but as my great aunt Maria said: You regret you live, you learn. I'm not dead yet:hug:

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10 minutes ago, Aditus said:

I can feel every word, but as my great aunt Maria said: You regret you live, you learn. I'm not dead yet:hug:

Thanks, Adi. You great aunt Maria is a smart lady. Regrets are a part of life... a hard part sometimes if we let them fester. I'm pleased you could feel this. It's been so long, I'm out of practice with writing poetry. Cheers! :hug: 

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I get it very well, my dear G-Man, and there's not much to add, except perhaps this: the longer we live, regrets seem to pile up and outweigh everything else...but there are also joys mixed in if we but remember them.  It can be something as simple as the sun warming us walking in a wood or meadow, or the smile of a cherished friend when we meet again after a long parting, or the times shared with those we loved who are now only with us in spirit....

A good wallow serves the purpose of making us enjoy our joys more, but we mustn't let it drag us under.  Here's my hand, dear Gary offered to pull you out into the light again...

xoxoxoxo   

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57 minutes ago, ColumbusGuy said:

I get it very well, my dear G-Man, and there's not much to add, except perhaps this: the longer we live, regrets seem to pile up and outweigh everything else...but there are also joys mixed in if we but remember them.  It can be something as simple as the sun warming us walking in a wood or meadow, or the smile of a cherished friend when we meet again after a long parting, or the times shared with those we loved who are now only with us in spirit....

A good wallow serves the purpose of making us enjoy our joys more, but we mustn't let it drag us under.  Here's my hand, dear Gary offered to pull you out into the light again...

xoxoxoxo   

It becomes about managing the highs and the lows. Thanks for the hand, buddy... we can't always manage by ourselves, but loneliness is haunting, and there is a kind that can't be filled by family or friends. Still, there are many joys to assuage it. You are so right that a good wallow serves its purpose... I don't control them, but I can keep them at bay for a time. Life is good. I know that, and I thank you for your comforting words. Memories are both a curse and a blessing... but mostly a blessing because they are proof we have lived. Take care, my friend. xoxoxoxox 

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