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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 64. Chapter 64 Shields Up

Rattled by a phone call...

Shields Up

 

 

You plied me with guilt

And coerced with your plight

Preyed on my compassion

Whispered lies in the night

 

Broken promises strewn

Left behind devastation

Faint wisps of intentions

False paths to compensation

 

One-sided you function

To take but not give

Don’t ask for new trust

Your conscience’s a sieve

 

It’s said no man is an isle

But you acted a continent

Treating love as a game

And this mortal an instrument

 

As far as I’ve come

The damage still lingers

My soul carries bruises

From your icy cold fingers

 

Though tables have turned

And you spill out your need

Old pain is a specter

That still makes me bleed

 

Maybe you’ve learned

Hell, maybe you’ve grown

But my brain stems my heart

I can’t forget what you’ve sown

 

I don’t like being bitter

And mostly I’m not

But my fear is my shield

Against old love pocked with rot

 

I thought love forever

And to those words you cling

But I know more about life now

I can detect a false ring

 

 

 

*

Thanks for reading... poetry is an outlet, and sometimes it works... please leave a comment if you are so moved. Cheers... Gary....

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Sounds as though old wounds have been reopened, if only a little. If your poetry helps you, I'm glad.  We are the beneficiaries.  :)

 

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These lines flow with sadness and hurt; but there is resolve and strength beneath. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. 

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Sometimes old wounds can be ripped open, even if we think they're healed.  :hug: I hope you're feeling better.  :hug: 

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"And my fear is my shield"

 

We do need those...

I do not know where we would be without fear, without remembering pain...

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Wow.

Do I need to get a stamp on my passport to kick someone’s ass??

Sometimes we never know the power the past holds until we are confronted with it again.

A scab forms over a wound after it’s healed, when recovering from a deep injury, we may not be aware the scab is there until someone picks at it.

Recognizing you’re stronger than you thought you were is a good way to start the New Year.

To quote Alicia Keyes 🎤  🎶It’s called karma, baby and it goes around” 🎶.

People will have to wipe their emotional feet at another hearth. 

🍻 :hug::hug:

Edited by FanLit
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That was very good Gary. I don't really read a lot of poetry but this one really struck a cord for me. Thanks for sharing.

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I hope this is on the order of a reminiscence, a cleansing of something old, and not a new light shined on something current. 

 

Stay well, Gary.

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23 hours ago, Albert1434 said:

What a powerful poem good job :yes:

Thanks, Albert. I appreciate you reading and commenting. :hug: 

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23 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

they see only their hurt, their need

not what they do to others

vampires

hope you're okay, Gary.

Yeah, I'm fine, tim. The temptation has passed. :) 

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23 hours ago, northie said:

Sounds as though old wounds have been reopened, if only a little. If your poetry helps you, I'm glad.  We are the beneficiaries.  :)

 

Yes, they have. Not for the first time, and yeah, writing this helped. Thanks northie. :) 

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21 hours ago, Defiance19 said:

:hug:Hope you’re doing ok, Gary.. I’m glad you can let it out through your poetry. 

Yeah, I'm good, Def, thanks. After all these years, he still has a hold on me. To say these words face to face seems cruel somehow, but I can get them out this way. :hug: 

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21 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

These lines flow with sadness and hurt; but there is resolve and strength beneath. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. 

I honestly don't know if it's resolve and strength, or fear. Either way, I can't go back. Thanks, Parker. :hug: 

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21 hours ago, Valkyrie said:

Sometimes old wounds can be ripped open, even if we think they're healed.  :hug: I hope you're feeling better.  :hug: 

I am, thanks, sis. There is still love there, but it's not enough. :hug: 

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20 hours ago, mayday said:

"And my fear is my shield"

 

We do need those...

I do not know where we would be without fear, without remembering pain...

So true, mayday. I remember it all, and I can't do it again. Thanks... :) 

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18 hours ago, FanLit said:

Wow.

Do I need to get a stamp on my passport to kick someone’s ass??

Sometimes we never know the power the past holds until we are confronted with it again.

A scab forms over a wound after it’s healed, when recovering from a deep injury, we may not be aware the scab is there until someone picks at it.

Recognizing you’re stronger than you thought you were is a good way to start the New Year.

To quote Alicia Keyes 🎤  🎶It’s called karma, baby and it goes around” 🎶.

People will have to wipe their emotional feet at another hearth. 

🍻 :hug::hug:

LOL. No asskicking needed, my friend. Yeah, it's karma, and I get little satisfaction from things coming full circle. Okay, maybe I do get some from his regrets... but I'm not responsible for them, and just because I'm older and alone doesn't make me susceptible. Cheers and thanks... Gary.... :hug: 

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18 hours ago, Lizzydolphin37 said:

That was very good Gary. I don't really read a lot of poetry but this one really struck a cord for me. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks, Lizzy! We poets love when our words reach someone. Thank you for reading and commenting... :hug: 

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16 hours ago, dughlas said:

Hope you're okay.

Yeah, I'm good, bro. It's kind of a periodic thing, and I admit there is a draw there... but... no way. :hug: 

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13 hours ago, Geron Kees said:

I hope this is on the order of a reminiscence, a cleansing of something old, and not a new light shined on something current. 

 

Stay well, Gary.

An old love who wants another chance... it brings up a lot of pain, but that stands me in good stead. I will keep saying no. :) 

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Oh my dear...how many times have I been there?  And from how many loved ones?  The sad thing is that we have to grow some barriers or suffer endless hurt when all we want is that one special connection.   Each person comes, and things sound right...but if it isn't, how many times can our hearts endure bitter disappointment?

As hope springs eternal, how often must we go through the cycle?  With one person, a second chance can be given though the relationship won't be the same...but if that chance is tossed away too?  It's time to 'raise shields' and move on.  From sad experience, those second chances often fail because the trust in a firm foundation is gone and can't be rebuilt as it was before.  Perhaps the intent is good, but the first rejection has sown the seeds of self-doubt; what did I do wrong?  Why wasn't I good enough?  

We have to accept that words are as lasting as the air they arise from, and without a mental telepathy helmet, we must rely on hope alone.  Life is a risk, love is a gamble...is it worth more potential hurt?  If the person has hurt us once already, then I say no.  Spin the wheel and hope for the ultimate jackpot. 

The other defense is to move slowly--develop the friendship first before thinking of jumping to the 'soul-mates' stage.  Too many move from meeting to sex and on to love as if it needs to be done in a set time period...who says a timer started when you first met?  Build the foundation, let the cement dry and then start building the structure from solid bricks rather than cards on a layer of sand.

I'll admit modern technology has one good feature--you can block or remove a contact, or screen your calls on an answering machine like I do.

:kiss:  :hug:

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6 minutes ago, ColumbusGuy said:

Oh my dear...how many times have I been there?  And from how many loved ones?  The sad thing is that we have to grow some barriers or suffer endless hurt when all we want is that one special connection.   Each person comes, and things sound right...but if it isn't, how many times can our hearts endure bitter disappointment?

As hope springs eternal, how often must we go through the cycle?  With one person, a second chance can be given though the relationship won't be the same...but if that chance is tossed away too?  It's time to 'raise shields' and move on.  From sad experience, those second chances often fail because the trust in a firm foundation is gone and can't be rebuilt as it was before.  Perhaps the intent is good, but the first rejection has sown the seeds of self-doubt; what did I do wrong?  Why wasn't I good enough?  

We have to accept that words are as lasting as the air they arise from, and without a mental telepathy helmet, we must rely on hope alone.  Life is a risk, love is a gamble...is it worth more potential hurt?  If the person has hurt us once already, then I say no.  Spin the wheel and hope for the ultimate jackpot. 

The other defense is to move slowly--develop the friendship first before thinking of jumping to the 'soul-mates' stage.  Too many move from meeting to sex and on to love as if it needs to be done in a set time period...who says a timer started when you first met?  Build the foundation, let the cement dry and then start building the structure from solid bricks rather than cards on a layer of sand.

I'll admit modern technology has one good feature--you can block or remove a contact, or screen your calls on an answering machine like I do.

:kiss:  :hug:

Beautiful expression of sentiment, CG. For me, it comes down to broken trust. It's impossible to repair. I refused to believe what my friends told me, and I constantly gave the benefit of the doubt, giving chance after chance, accepting lies because I didn't want to see their truth.

 

When I finally walked away, I was a mess... but I stuck to my convictions then, despite the onslaught, and I do now. Those questions you point out... I don't want to ask myself those again. I have had real love since, and I no longer have delusions about what it is. Thank you, dear friend... love you... Gary.... xoxoxoxo

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