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    Headstall
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Headstall's Reflections - 9. Chapter 9 Hidden Echoes

Poetry prompt 15- Free Verse

I started writing something happy, about how beautiful it was outside, but my thoughts went inward.

Headstall's Reflections

 

 

Chapter 9 Hidden Echoes

 

 

Unbidden, why do my tears strike from nowhere?

Blurring my vision, and iron resolve

Turning resilience tenuous, uncertain

 

Memories intrude and faces flicker by

Stinging softly, insidiously… regretfully?

Why do I care about the past, said and done?

 

Life is good… is it not?

I have so much… to ask more would be greedy

Yet, still I yearn… for what? Absolution? For me… or others?

 

What is it I want… why stirs my pain?

Am I even in control… have I ever truly been?

Scalding drops brings release, yes, but no relief

 

For I cannot grasp their reason even though I search

Answers elude and the need for questions frustrate

Do I not know myself? Does my past rule me? Own me?

 

Inside is a repeating, raging cry no one hears

Because I choose to keep it to myself

Hidden echoes hint at something I cannot grasp

 

I must stay on my safer path, determined

It’s what I have to do… breaking apart is no option

Push my insistent queries aside and pray they relent

 

Too many count on me to be strong and sure

And therein lies my strength, my worth, my escape

These are only quick tears after all, shed in secret

 

They, at least, leave no bruises to be seen

A brush of my sleeve and they’re gone

And only I know they were ever there

Thanks for reading. Maybe I'll write something joyful next time... or, maybe not....

Copyright © 2017 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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There was so much sadness and a feeling of isolation in this poem. Secret tears and hidden pain are the curse of those who are expected to be strong. I hope that whatever brought on this mood passes quickly. :hug:

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On 03/03/2016 11:06 AM, LitLover said:

There was so much sadness and a feeling of isolation in this poem. Secret tears and hidden pain are the curse of those who are expected to be strong. I hope that whatever brought on this mood passes quickly. :hug:

Yeah, I'm good. Tears piss me off, but poetry helps me sort through stuff. Thanks, Lit, for the review and the understanding. The people I need to be strong for are a blessing, not a burden, yet there are times I'm just a little boy... cheers... Gary...

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It's not always easy being the strong one. But, then again, the "reasons" you are the strong one make it worth the sacrifice, don't they?
You let us see both sides of you...a gift we hold dear and will never take for granted...
:hug: :hug:

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You told me that we can never truly escape our past. It's a ghost that haunts us forever. I guess looking inward and the subsequent tears is a release we need sometimes.
Well written and touching Gary.

 

tim xo

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First thought: Why everyone writing every corner of my Life... :unsure:

 

It is easy to be strong, but it is not easy to act strong. For the sake of people who care about us or who we care, we ma do that kind of thing. But what you felt about this all, will lay in your heart and haunts you until death. I hope its just a poem. And I hope, you are not going through this Gary.

 

A well written and presented poem Gary... :)

 

~Emi.

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All I can say Gary is that this one hit too close to home to maybe give an objective view. I find it is not a burden to always be the strong one, but it is an awful feeling being expected to be the strong one and the assumption that nothing bothers you. Your words of tears and resolve and wiping them away and not sharing them with anyone was spot on. If this was just poetry then you touched my sould just with your writing. If this was poetry from your own soul then all I can offer is we can share anytime you want if you ever need someone to share the tears instead of just wiping them away. Love, Pam.

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How can a man reach this age without doubts and misgivings, longing for the "what might have beens" ... your strength is in those very thoughts ... and there are arms here willing to embrace you while those gentle tears fall, to provide a shoulder to lean on until once again you become the strong one. Namaste my brother.

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On 03/03/2016 11:52 AM, Reader1810 said:

It's not always easy being the strong one. But, then again, the "reasons" you are the strong one make it worth the sacrifice, don't they?

You let us see both sides of you...a gift we hold dear and will never take for granted...

:hug: :hug:

Thank you, Reader. I guess I'm feeling safe enough to share this stuff, and that has to be a good thing. I wish now I'd asked my mom some things before she passed, but I was always afraid of inadvertently hurting her... the tears, while frustrating, are not such a bad thing. I appreciate your kind words... cheers... Gary... :hug:

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On 03/03/2016 01:47 PM, Mikiesboy said:

You told me that we can never truly escape our past. It's a ghost that haunts us forever. I guess looking inward and the subsequent tears is a release we need sometimes.

Well written and touching Gary.

 

tim xo

Yes, I did, and thank you, tim. I just hate the blindsided part... tears coming from out of the blue. I guess it's a byproduct of facing my past in ways I never have before. I appreciate the support... cheers... Gary xo

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On 03/03/2016 02:03 PM, Bucket1 said:

:hug: for the little boy and well done for the man he became

Thanks, Bucket! This poem helped me sort some things, but it's a process, I'm learning... Cheers, buddy... Gary... :hug:

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On 03/03/2016 02:06 PM, Emi GS said:

First thought: Why everyone writing every corner of my Life... :unsure:

 

It is easy to be strong, but it is not easy to act strong. For the sake of people who care about us or who we care, we ma do that kind of thing. But what you felt about this all, will lay in your heart and haunts you until death. I hope its just a poem. And I hope, you are not going through this Gary.

 

A well written and presented poem Gary... :)

 

~Emi.

LOL... glad you can relate, Emi. I am slowly coming to grips with my past... and sudden tears are a part of it... I'm fine, Emi... and the need to be strong is good for me... cheers... Gary...

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On 03/04/2016 01:32 AM, pzetts3 said:

All I can say Gary is that this one hit too close to home to maybe give an objective view. I find it is not a burden to always be the strong one, but it is an awful feeling being expected to be the strong one and the assumption that nothing bothers you. Your words of tears and resolve and wiping them away and not sharing them with anyone was spot on. If this was just poetry then you touched my sould just with your writing. If this was poetry from your own soul then all I can offer is we can share anytime you want if you ever need someone to share the tears instead of just wiping them away. Love, Pam.

Thank you, Pam. This means a lot. This isn't just a poem... it is me in the throes of some awful memories, and the sudden assault of those tears as my journey towards a place I'm not sure of yet, continues. I have always needed to be strong, from the time I was a little boy... it is a vital part of me, and I don't think I could ever change enough to ever let that go, but the weight of it may be a roadblock to sorting some stuff out... it is my anchor when I need it... thanks for such compassion and understanding... it helps... cheers... Gary...

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On 03/04/2016 03:21 AM, dughlas said:

How can a man reach this age without doubts and misgivings, longing for the "what might have beens" ... your strength is in those very thoughts ... and there are arms here willing to embrace you while those gentle tears fall, to provide a shoulder to lean on until once again you become the strong one. Namaste my brother.

Thank you, dugh. I know you mean that. It's answers I seek the most. I think my mind is finally rebelling against that which has been hidden. I may have to deal with such as this for a while to come, but I'm cluing in to what I need to let happen, and part of that is letting down my guard. Thank you, my friend... I feel the hug... cheers... Gary... :hug:

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Unbidden tears, hot scorching emotion rising to the surface. You evoke such images as I can imagine...both water springs and lava flows. Neither are controlled, and what is their source? Your unreasoned melancholy strikes at the heart of the structures we build around ourselves. What a great poem. Thank you.

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On 03/04/2016 07:59 AM, Parker Owens said:

Unbidden tears, hot scorching emotion rising to the surface. You evoke such images as I can imagine...both water springs and lava flows. Neither are controlled, and what is their source? Your unreasoned melancholy strikes at the heart of the structures we build around ourselves. What a great poem. Thank you.

Thank you, Parker. This one ended up being cathartic, and settled me down somewhat. Our journeys never end, and I know that, but it can be frustrating and confusing whenever emotions are involved. Thank you for liking it... I appreciate that, and the terrific and thoughtful review... cheers... Gary...

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:hug:

 

I think Reader said it best, you let us see both sides of you, the strong and the vulnerable. It's always a pleasure to read these poems, they give us a glimpse to your inner thoughts, and it's really amazing that you are willing to share them.

 

Gary, you're not alone. We all ruminate about the past, both the highs and the lows. And sometimes we focus so much on the past, that we forget the present. And no matter what the state of that present is, it is always open to the possibilities of being better.
So while we can look back to yesterday, we can certainly look forward to tomorrow.

 

Thank you so much for this poem Gary :hug:

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On 03/04/2016 01:11 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

:hug:

 

I think Reader said it best, you let us see both sides of you, the strong and the vulnerable. It's always a pleasure to read these poems, they give us a glimpse to your inner thoughts, and it's really amazing that you are willing to share them.

 

Gary, you're not alone. We all ruminate about the past, both the highs and the lows. And sometimes we focus so much on the past, that we forget the present. And no matter what the state of that present is, it is always open to the possibilities of being better.

So while we can look back to yesterday, we can certainly look forward to tomorrow.

 

Thank you so much for this poem Gary :hug:

Thanks, Drew. I think it's good for me to face things from the past I buried. It's unnerving when emotions spill over and you don't know the reason why. Knowing is better than speculating... at least I think it is... for the most part, I'm very much in control despite being somewhat sensitive, so it bugs me when the tears come. Thanks for the review and your thoughts, my friend... cheers... Gary...

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Sometimes being strong is exhausting. It doesn't stop the doubts and fears that creep in and overwhelm. Sometimes the tears, hidden or free can be healing or refreshing. It doesn't take the memories away, or help with answers, but somehow you manage to feel strong again, to face whatever is next. There are those who will be/are strong for you too Gary..
Hugs.

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On 03/04/2016 02:57 PM, Defiance19 said:

Sometimes being strong is exhausting. It doesn't stop the doubts and fears that creep in and overwhelm. Sometimes the tears, hidden or free can be healing or refreshing. It doesn't take the memories away, or help with answers, but somehow you manage to feel strong again, to face whatever is next. There are those who will be/are strong for you too Gary..

Hugs.

Yeah, thanks, Def. I know how lucky I am. I have people who love me, and I have a wonderful outlet for creativity... and I guess we're all haunted or uncertain at times. You're right that tears can heal or reset your state of mind. I began a process a few months back and I think it is ongoing... I don't see tears in others a weakness, and lord knows I cry when I write... I just don't like not knowing why tears have been coming a lot lately. It's likely a good thing... thanks for your thoughts, support, and the review, my friend... cheers... Gary...

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A very personal poem, Gary. I see and feel your tears out of the blue; thanks for posting this, and don’t be concerned about writing 'happy' poems. Continue to write the ones that must come out.

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On 03/06/2016 08:16 AM, AC Benus said:

A very personal poem, Gary. I see and feel your tears out of the blue; thanks for posting this, and don’t be concerned about writing 'happy' poems. Continue to write the ones that must come out.

Thanks, AC. I'm fast learning I seldom have any control over what comes out when I feel the need to express myself through poetry. While I love all the different forms, my words take their own direction, and maybe that is because, as you say, I have to write the ones clamoring to be heard... thanks for this... much appreciated... Cheers... Gary...

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'Inside is a repeating, raging cry no one hears

Because I choose to keep it to myself

Hidden echoes hint at something I cannot grasp'

This words touched a chord somehere..

it is really amazing how much a poem can convey...

Thank you sir, for writing such a wonderful poem...

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Thank you, Aviana. You're right that poetry can say so much in few words. You quoted my favorite lines in this poem :) ... I appreciated that it touched a chord with you... many thanks... cheers... Gary....

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I have so much… to ask more would be greedy

Yet, still I yearn… for what? Absolution? For me… or others?

 

Mmmm... done is done and there's no way to change it. But it still hurts, raises hot flushes of regret, shame, fear.

I read a multitude of years ago about a man who drilled a hole in his forehead in order to give himself a frontal lobotomy so he could forget. It worked and he survived.

Fuck you're a great writer of poems that grasp the essentials and shove them in our faces.

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